Special Days

My mother was the one who raised me. I had never met my biological father, until I was 21. I have a stepfather, and my mom went through a divorce with him. He's my sister's father. Anyway, they had a messy divorce. After the fact though, my brother, who is not my stepfather's son but my mother's, chose to live with my stepfather. I love my mother more than anything, but she's also the person that's always been there. She protected me from everyone, never tried to hurt me and tried to make life as best for me as she could. There are things I wish my mother would have done, no doubt, but how many children say otherwise? I used to put my mother on a pedestal, still do but not as extreme, and when she did something human and that might not have been as good for me as she thought, it crushed me. The one person I thought was perfect, really wasn't. Sometimes this is hard for us to see as children. We're supposed to respect you, look up to you, heck, we want to be you. And when you show us even you make mistakes, we think we can do better. Or maybe we realize we'll never be perfect and that's the human way. It just takes time for us to sort these feelings out. Not to mention, it's only natural for you to think someone is against you, when things seem to go against you. Regardless of the situation. I also think that this is not entirely a bad thing. I lived my life trying to make my mom proud of me, happy about what I'm doing, prove to someone I'm amazing, and ended up forgetting what it was that I wanted. And realizing what I needed to do with my life. Sometimes as children, we need this reality check to let us know our parents are human, they have problems they deal with too and also as a way to be able to leave home and branch out. We need a way to detach from the life we once knew and need situations to teach us about life. Finding out your parents are human, is a kind of weird transitional phase. I've been going through it....I don't resent my mother, I love her dearly.

Hello there arkaf61, first of all, I'm sorry to hear that your special day didn't quite turned out the way you want it to be. Just try to take it that she's still young and that she has a long way to go and learn. I'm sure she'll be more sensitive to your feelings and appreciate you more as she grows older. I used to be a bit angst and started being a bit rude and crude to my mom when I was younger and I regretted it now. For now, I truly appreciate her and know that it is not easy to carry me around for 9 months and then give labor to me. I hope that you'll get over your sadness and look forward to more special days ahead. For every sad day, there will always be a happy day to replace it. That's my belief. I don't "plan" special days because there have been more than one time where it turned out to be sour, LOL. So whenever there is a special event/occasion/day coming up, I would have the mentality and attitude of waiting for the day to come and then plan it. That'll be the best way for me. Have a nice day and take care of yourself.

Oh, all the time. Or rather, I used to have those feelings. I never felt loved enough in my life for most of my life. I am really the opposite now. I have no expectations to speak of, and I relax in the knowledge that no special day is any more special than every day I wake up and have all the choices that I have. Not making sense, but that is just how things strike me lately.

Special days were always bad for me before as I was married to a jerk who made sure they were awful. Now I just dont care my new hubby is very nice and trys but I just have a hard time getting into the spirit of things but its getting better.

I do not think you are silly to have expectations on special days. I feel this is something worth looking forward too and makes life more interesting. If things turn out beyond expectation, I put my management skill to test. It would still be a special day if I handled it well.

Bless your heart. I'm sorry your day wasn't wonderful. I suppose...I have learned - since I am amongst the dinosaurs - that I can never know what to expect from my fellow humans, whether friends or family or strangers. Remembering that makes it easier not to be offended, I guess. Or disappointed.

I have learned along time ago never to plan anything especially on those special days for it can lead to alot of depression and hurt feelings, lately it has been awesome if I just forget those big days my day turns out to be just exactly and everything that I wanted to happen so all in all I have to say no I do not make any expectations for there are way to many instances in life these days that can ruin all your hopes and dreams in a instant so I play it all my ear and life is awesome...

Oh yeah. I can so relate. I get so excited and eagerly anticipate special days like holidays, or family occasions and such. Usually I want everything to be perfect and and expect too much of my hubby who ends up getting annoyed with me and then everyone comes, we have a good time and when they leave I am left with such a 'let down' feeling, like I wanted it to be more. Oh and I hear ya about the children. Mine anyways tend to spend all the time with dad and not offering to help me at all and he gets all the praise and I am left thinking...what did I do all this for? Thanks for this discussion, it is great to vent with people who understand!

Yes, most of the times that does happen to me and to each and every one of us too. We cannot control the urge to expect or visualize how we want to work things out, I guess that it's a part of our eagerness. I try not to to, but since I used the word "try" it only means that I can't help it or it is inevitable or simply natural for us humans.. I just hope that when this happens, things would work out smoothly. And to avoid being stressed-out, I sometimes seek some assistance or just enjoy the company of my friends/family/loved ones..

It seems to me that the very best laid plans always go wrong for me these days. I am trying (and failing) to organise a birthday party for my partner and am getting nowhere. I am close to giving it all up as a bad job and simply baking him a cake. I have had similar disappointments in life and have learned the hard way that special days never quite turn out as you would hope and now I prefer to simply wing it and hope for the best.

I usually expect something horrible to happen on most special days, to use some reverse psychology on life, you know lol..and sometimes they turn out pretty good in actuality, but sometimes they DO go as I expected and it sucks, but meh lol. At least I was prepared. As many would know, my motto: "Prepare for the worst, hope for the best."