Here's Looking At You Sid!
By Sparks
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
Regina, Saskatchewan
April 17, 2008 1:54am CST
A friend of mine here challenged me to write a better story about bad luck than she had. So I thought and thought and finally realized that not only did I have to tell the truth, but the best way to do it would be to use the facts of my life right now to illustrate what bad luck in my life really is. So here we go.
I love men, but have lousy taste in them. My soon to be ex is a case in point.
I have friends but can't take their phone calls if he's home.
I have a computer, but can't use it in front of him and must pay for it with online earnings or lose it.
I love to read, but must return books when caught buying them.
I drive but the car keys have been taken away from me.
I need groceries but my store credit has been cut off.
I have a credit card, but it's been cancelled.
I have a bank account, but the access code has been changed and I can't get to it online.
I have children but they are not welcome in my home as it upsets the soon to be ex to have his home 'invaded'.
I have a lovely dog, but she must stay penned at all times.
I keep a clean organized house and am told I'm only a 'glorified maid'.
I get only $600/month to pay bills with and it can't be done, so I'm 'irresponsible with money'.
I smoke (don't drink, gamble or use drugs) but I have to quit because it's a frivolous habit.
I have a satellite tv, but the prepaid monthly charge is about to run out.
I'm an avid photographer, but suddenly film is too expensive to develop.
But the icing on the cake is that because I'm such a "pain to live with" I am not worthy of conversation, compassion or love.
Now you have to admit - that's a whole lot of bad luck.
And it's also why I am the 'proud' owner of a soon to be ex!
Do you think my luck will change? LOL
10 people like this
19 responses
@Angelwhispers (8978)
• United States
17 Apr 08
Sparks, I have read this 3 times, I still do not know what to say. I would never allow myself to be treated like this. yet I have friends in real life that do. I can not stop that either. My best friend has no idea how much her husband makes nor what comes and goes from the household accounts. She is a strong woman in every other way. I find it incredulous. I do not know how to relate to something such as this.... I am not this woman, but yet I do have empathy.
With that said I do not know what to say.
4 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
17 Apr 08
I think you said what you said very well. ((((((((((((((ANGEL))))))))))))))))
3 people like this
@weiyi5151 (119)
• China
17 Apr 08
actually,there always some people have the worse luck than you have.
for instance.in Africa,people over there even can't stuff themself with food. they always don't have encough food to eat.water neither.
so ,you also can think about the disabled people...
how pitiful they are.
think of this, then you are really a luck one...
3 people like this
@bellaofchaos (11538)
• United States
17 Apr 08
Weiyi, I have to say this have you ever heard the saying that if you have nothing nice to say then don't say it. well maybe that is what you should have done. You are not aware of the whole situation and therefor you are making broad generalizations to the point where you seem to think she doesn't have a right to voice her discomfort. She does and just because she doesn't live in Africa doesn't mean that her situation is any less grave than theres. To assume it is well you know the saying. This is a forum where we are supposed to show love and compassion to everyone not habor ill well. I don't know if you just came across wrong or you just are wrong.
On top of that Don't ever say disabled people are pitiful. There are many disable people that I know and love that are not pitiful and are great members of society and hold down jobs or are sharp witted. How would you like someone to lable you as pitiful for some reason or another. Unless you walk a mile is someone's shoes never ever judge them.
Question to all
Doesn't anyone remember the golden rule ...Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.
3 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
17 Apr 08
Disabled people are not pitiful. And I don't have enough to eat to stuff myself either and wouldln't even if I did. And living in the country, I'm lucky if I have water from one day to the next because our town well is drying up. Just because I don't live in an underdeveloped country doesn't mean that my luck or living conditions are better than theirs. There are all kinds of deprivation and I think that not having love in your life is the worst no matter how rich or poor you are.
2 people like this
@bellaofchaos (11538)
• United States
17 Apr 08
Weiyi.
Let me ask you this so you think that just because there are people worse off that this husband of hers should be allowed to abuse her like this?
3 people like this
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
18 Apr 08
What a &*$*(#) and a (*^*(*$) and also a *(^&@#).
If you are able to, can you leave now? he doesn't deserve you nor do you deserve to be treated that way Sparks. No-one does. I would go to the bank and withdraw all the money in there and find a place to stay. I would get away now rather than wait till he leaves unless it's safer for you to just remain where you are. I hope he isn't abusive to you Sparks either, because someone as controlling as that, makes me think he is.
I'm sorry to hear what your going through but glad to hear that it's going to be for the better once he's out of your life!
3 people like this
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
18 Apr 08
haha that is good to hear you have a plan. I'm going I'm going, just got to finish these last few email notifications and then poof, I'm gone for a wee bit. You take care now and we are here for you!
2 people like this
@rockydam83 (846)
• Italy
17 Apr 08
All i want to say that i am your friend i and i am here for you. We all somehow suffereing from bad lucks and only good friends can morrally help us to stand up and fight against all this as i told you earlier look for friends who can stand with you in you dark times try to have good friends around you it will help you t live a beeter life
3 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
17 Apr 08
No worries rockydam. I have great friends online especially who have been terrific. It's because of them I'm still sane and still have my sense of humour.
2 people like this
@rockydam83 (846)
• Italy
18 Apr 08
Soo plz add me in your that category of frnds it will be my pleasure
3 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
18 Apr 08
Thank you. I will. I'll put in a friends request right now. Hugs.
2 people like this
@bellaofchaos (11538)
• United States
17 Apr 08
My dear friend if I could carry this burden for you on my shoulders I would. But since I am unable to I want you to know that you have a place in my heart and that I love you and that I'm always there for you wether it be 2 am or 5pm I am there for you ready to be a shoulder to cry on or some comedic relief. I do wish however he would go out and never return. But then that would be more hassle that what it's worth. You a bright and shinning star and to have this pitch black night try and block your shining beauty is inexcusable and I will never forgive him for it .. I hope that Karma see this and that his life wilts before him.
Enought of that here is something to cheer you up.
http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1480761.aspx
please go and read and hopefully you'll get a good laugh. LOL
I love ya hun and hope you know my shoulder and ears are always here and open.
3 people like this
@bellaofchaos (11538)
• United States
17 Apr 08
Any time hun. One of these days you are going to see me on your door step for tea and then I'm going to whisk you away and you'll be in a place where you have people who love and adore you.. I know that you have people there that do but at least it will be far away from that jack@--. LOL!!!!
3 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
17 Apr 08
Hello sweets and thanks for all your kindness. And for listening to me last night when I was so tired I couldn't follow a sentance let alone a whole conversation!
It had been an emotional day and I was wrung completely out.
I'm off to the link you gave me here. I'm smiling, but can always use a good laugh. Love you too, heaps and heaps.
2 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
17 Apr 08
Calgon! Take me awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Now where's the booze? LOL
2 people like this
@edgyk8inmomma (2157)
• United States
17 Apr 08
OH, my heart aches for you spark. I do not know you, nor do I know the whole situation. But I do know that you are worth more than this. NO one deserves to be treated like that, and no one should feel trapped into a situation like this.
I am drawn to people in your situation, or shall I say they are drawn to me. And it never fails, the moment they break free, they find themselves captured again. Spark, when you break free, remain free. Don't fall for this crap ever again!!! You deserve to be loved with an unconditional love, you deserve to be respected without strings attached. You deserve communication that is unheeded. You deserve so much more than this. I truly hope you will find your wings, and never bind them again. Be free.
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
18 Apr 08
edgy and spark! Oh my what a team we could make!LOL
Yes, I do learn from my mistakes. But more than that, I have my self respect and NO ONE can take that from me no matter what they do to me. And that is what will see me through and keep me from a situation like this again.
Thanks for the good thoughts edgy.
1 person likes this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
17 Apr 08
Hey there edgyk8inmomma (give me a short form - that's a mouthful of a name! LOL).
I promise you that the moment the ink in dry on the divorce, and I"m free, that I will NEVER ever allow myself to become embroiled in such a situation again. NEVER!
I seldom make the same mistake twice, so you can be sure this is a promise I won't have to worry about keeping. I'll be spreading my wings so hard and fast the sparks will fly! LOL Thanks for the good thoughts. Much appreciated.
1 person likes this
@edgyk8inmomma (2157)
• United States
18 Apr 08
lol, most people around here have been calling me edgy, I like it, so it can stick. It fits :)
I am so glad to hear you are a person who learns from their mistakes. I deal with so many who beat themselves up over and over again. It breaks my heart, but I love them and stand beside them reguardless.
You might want to grease up the wings a bit before you take flight. Those sparks could start a fire (wink)
2 people like this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
18 Apr 08
Wow... I admire your patience with this "brute". I don't know that he would be my "soon to be ex", he would be my ex, already! That's a whole heap of awful things to have to put up with my friend... emotional abuse at its worst. I hope you hit him for all he's got... no man should ever, ever, separate a mother from her kids. That's the lowest trick in the world. What gives him the right to think he can treat you this way.
The sooner you get shot of him, the better, my friend, and I wish you all the luck in the world. Brightest Blessings. xx
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
19 Apr 08
Thanks Darkwing. I just didn't want you thinking that some a*s was keeping me away from my "young" children. I'd walk away from everything I stand to gain in this divorce before I'd let that happen, if kids under 18 were involved.
2 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
18 Apr 08
Hey Darkwing. My kids are actually old enough to take care of themselves (don't believe the age on my profile - my little joke on the oldies! LOL) but the soon to be ex's attitude towards them is the driving force behind my own disillusionment with him. My kids are my life and always will be and that's what got the soon to be ex so twisted this past year. I would NOT abandon them when they needed me, for him and he just can't stand not being the centre and end all be all of my existence.
Too bad, so sad for him. He's a grown up. He should have enough sense to understand the bonds of family and make himself part of it rather than remove himself emotionally from it. And yep, I have a plan, and he WILL pay for the rest of his natural life to keep me in the style I have become accustomed to! LOL
2 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
17 Apr 08
Working on it, for sure, for sure!
2 people like this
@clrumfelt (5490)
• United States
17 Apr 08
I say your luck is already changed for the better because the person you describe is soon to be your ex. If you were stuck with him for the rest of your life with no way out then I would say you had really BAD luck. Your luck will change much for the better if you can learn from this experience and upgrade your taste in men. Don't settle next time. There are lots of fish in the sea and if you don't catch a good one the first time, just remember there are still a lot of good ones out there You don't have to quit fishing just because you catch one lousy fish.
2 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
17 Apr 08
Actually he's my second 'lousy fish'. LOL And I've certainly learned from this experience, so the 'next' one better be pretty close to perfect or it's a no go! LOL
2 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
17 Apr 08
Hey clrumfelt - thanks! LOL
2 people like this
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
17 Apr 08
Hello spark!:-)
Though I do not personally believe in bad luck per se, but I do see that you have been through a lot of trouble in your life that has put you off about men. You are a strong and a brave individual to deal with it and still keep your sanity! That's remarkable! And, in that I see the positive coming. I hope it has made you all the more stronger and capable, and I do see it in you. With the strength, capability and intelligence that you have at your disposal, I only see good coming your way! I wish you best of luck!:-)
Did I say 'luck' there!? LOL!
2 people like this
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
18 Apr 08
"I am strong, I am smart, and I am capable."
Knowing oneself, in both strengths and weaknesses, is a 'gift' that not many people possess. Where strengths are the best tools in fighting what is troubling or even going ahead, knowing weaknesses help us overcome them or at least avoid them, so that they don't hinder our way to success and happiness. You are 'gifted'!:-)
2 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
18 Apr 08
Yes you did, but coming from you it's only the best kind of luck!
You are right Kamran and you have seen something some people have missed:
Yes my situation is not ideal and I need to get away from it.
But
I am strong, I am smart, and I am capable. (I'm not sure about the sanity, but that's another story! LOL)
Because of these things, my situation is not defeating me, so when I am free of it, I will be stronger, and I too only see good things coming my way.
Hugs my wise and wonderful friend.
2 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
18 Apr 08
Thank you my friend.
Now - does being giften mean I have to tie myself up in a pretty pink bow? LOL
No, wait - I'll tie HIM up in a pretty pink bow so he can't chase me when I run off into the sunset and far far away from him! ROFL
2 people like this
@munhozmib (3836)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
17 Apr 08
Hello there!
You have some sad facts. But those are not back luck. Those are only the results of the actions probably taken by you. You chose all of this, you just didn't know the consequences, and right now you are facing all of them. Yes, I know you'll get angry at me because I wrote that, but it is the true, wanting it or not. You have to accept that you must have done something wrong for your credit card to be cancelled. You must have married the wrong man, if he is going to be your ex soon. And you must have chosen not to save any money, if you can't buy books. Bad luck is not that. Bad luck are facts that you can't choose, for example when someone doesn't love you. You can't choose it.
Even if you are killed by a car, you had a small role to play in that. After all, you were walking on that street, at that moment, by your own choice. But I consider that bad luck as well, because you couldn't know, it was a rare thing to happen. Bad luck is when you are looking up and step on the poo. You go there, to try to clean it on the bush nearby, and when you take your feet off the bush you're all dirty, because someone had just pissed on the bush. You, angry, start walking back home and fall on the floor. You get up and start running before something worse happens, but it is too late! Three guys are surrounding you and they rob you. You decide to just sit anywhere in the floor and cry about it. When you notice, you are sitting on the same poo you had stomped before. This is bad luck.
Now, your "luck" can change, just work towards it. Find a way to get rid of your problems. You know you can count on me.
Respectfully,
Munhozmib.
2 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
17 Apr 08
How can I get angry at you for speaking what you believe?
Each of us look at luck in a different way. Frankly, I don't really put much stock in good or bad luck. Things happen. That's life. Some call it luck, some call it karma, some call it coincidence. I wrote this discussion in answer to another one where the poster talked about her bad luck and she challenged me to out do her. But you are right when you say I can get rid of my problems. No worries. I will.
3 people like this
@munhozmib (3836)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
19 Apr 08
Hello!
I thought you'd stay angry because you are in a complicated solution. If you need someone to talk to, you can always message me.
Respectfully,
Munhozmib.
2 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
19 Apr 08
My dear friend, first thank you for your offer. Second, I do not get angry at people who are honest and show respect. You have shown both. And even if I did get angry, I don't stay angry for long. My personal problems off site are not the fault of the people here. No matter how mad I was off line, I would never make anyone here the target of my anger. That would just be wrong and not fair to all the people here who really care about me.
Thank you for coming back to this thread and being such a good friend.
3 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
18 Apr 08
Well it's about time you showed up! LOL Here I write a whole discussion just for you and you don't appear until the third page! Humph!!!!
I can hardly wait until I can call him the official ex! LOL
Now, what did I win, huh? huh? Come on - fork it over......ROFL
2 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
18 Apr 08
LOL, no worries sweets, just yankin' your chain! I'm just so glad you made it here. But NOW ----- now I'm going net hunting to find that pic of you! My prize, but don't worry, it won't find it's way here! LOL
1 person likes this
@CanadaGal (4304)
• Canada
17 Apr 08
Honestly, I'm having a difficult time seeing how what you've written demonstrates "bad luck". They are all very unfortunate circumstances, but I don't feel that has anything to do with bad luck, just a bad choice in a mate.
I used to believe in luck, and being in the right place at the right time. But I no longer feel that way. I now strongly feel that EVERYTHING happens for a good reason, and we create our surroundings.
I've lived in the abusive relationship situation, and I know all too well how gradual it all happens. I never thought I created that situation, but by allowing it to happen, yes, I did.
As for your "luck" changing... according to my beliefs, it will only change for the better if you truly believe deep within your core and soul that you are better than that, and deserve more, and will have more. I see that inner strength within you, just from your postings on here, so I have zero doubt that you can make anything happen for you. Just focus on the positive, and that is exactly what will come your way sweetie. 
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
17 Apr 08
Hey Canada. I'm not a believer in luck really either. Things happen. Good things, bad things and just things. If that's luck of some kind - well, ok, whatever. Luck is not my thing and I don't put much stock in the idea of it. But Sid challenged me to posting a worse 'bad luck' story than hers, and my tired mind came up with this.
As for changing this 'luck' I've described - it's in the works. We'll see who's left in control when it's all over and the fat lady's singing! LOL
3 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
17 Apr 08
Once you get rid of the excess baggage ie soon tobe ex, your luck will definitely change as you will not have him saying all those hurtful things you have just told us. to me and probably to allthe others he sounds like a loser and a nice guy to give the old heave ho to as soon as possible. good luck and God Bless.
3 people like this
@p3halliwel2005 (3156)
• Philippines
18 Apr 08
Oh my God....Get rid of that guy..Ofcourse your luck will change and you will be happier as I see it now that you are not. Get rid of him at once he is a nuisance. You are not married so tell him to back off and get another life because you want yours back. He is just using you. That bad man doesn't deserve someone like you. If I was there I'll back you up all the way.
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
18 Apr 08
Oh my dear, I love your passion! But, I AM married to him and there is a lot of communal assets to consider, so things are a little more complicated than they would be if we were just living together. But you are right about 'that bad man does not deserve someone like me' and thank you so much for being willing to have my back!
1 person likes this
@filmbuff (2909)
• United States
17 Apr 08
Control freaks are the very, very worst. My Mother is now married to one, and I don't know how she stands living with him. After five minutes of being with him, I'm ready to pull my hair out.
It seems to me that one gives the power of control to another. What is preventing you from taking it back? Why must you acquiese(sp?) to his every demand. Can't you exert some control of your own into the situation?
I feel bad for you and your situation, I really do; but perhaps it's time to take control of the matter and draw your own lines in the sand.
Just my .02 cents, which is probably what I'll make from this post.
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
17 Apr 08
Sometimes your control is taken away from you so subtly that you don't even realize it until it's gone. And when you try to regain it you set yourself up to be on the receiving end of abuse. I will NOT give him that weapon of control too.
But I'm patient. I have a plan. A very good plan. In the end he will see that I have the control, and you can bet your bottom dollar (or .02 cents) that I won't be giving it up again!
3 people like this
@Deea48 (1166)
• United States
18 Apr 08
Well I say good riddens to that , Yuk. I am so sorry you have had to endure all that, I could not do it. Nope I left him, see ya mister, not gonna miss ya.
Now I live in a fabulouse place of my own, I have a wonderful kitty cat to keep me company. Bank account is mine,I clean when and if I feel like. I have internet, pay all my own bills. But I think the very best part is I have no one here making me feel less then I am. Yep that is the best part, good luck to you hun, and happy freedom. It is hard to start but once you get back on your feet, you will be so glad to have your life back. ((Big Hug's))
2 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
18 Apr 08
It's not over yet Deea. He's still here, which is why he's the SOON to be ex! LOL
But no worries, I'm fine and will be much better when he gets served with the divorce papers and HAS to move out.
1 person likes this
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
23 Apr 08
This just makes me want to 'shake him silly' for sure.
I think I should plan a visit to see you.
Why don't you tell him I am coming for a visit? SOON!
Didn't you say he was scared of me? hee hee.
Tell him I will be there in 2 wks.
First thing on my list is to make him a great chocolate cake or maybe even brownies again. lol Remember that. Put him to sleep, I recall. lol
1 person likes this
@thedaddym (1731)
• United States
18 Apr 08
I'm sorry to hear all this and to say this is not bad luck. This is a bad spouse that you need to get away from. I did not hear you say you were physically abused, and I hope I am right about that, but since I know most men who are mentally abusive are also physically abusive. You need to work out an escape plan with a friend. Even if it just means getting you to a woman's shelter. You need to get out of the claws of this man.
2 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
18 Apr 08
I agree that abusive men often escalate from mental to physical abuse. I'm watching him closely on that. The first time he raises a hand to me he gets a bony
knee to the groin and a frying pan over the head while he's down. I didn't grow
up with brothers and not learn a thing or two! LOL We are about the same size,
so he doesn't intimidate me that way. And I have a plan. I will be out of his claws soon enough. Thanks for your kind words and advice, and welcome to mylot.
2 people like this
