Do you ever wonder were you went wrong in life?
By kaysue4
@kaysue4 (951)
United States
April 19, 2008 2:12am CST
I am wondering this tonight because I am so depressed. I have 4 boys and one has court on Monday for unruliness related to his bipolar.
He is so awful at times, breaking stuff up, beating up on his brothers, sneaking out in the middle of the night, not coming home, not taking his meds, that everyone was telling me that I need to do something about that boy.
Well, I filed unruly charges. Now the court system has changed and the parent has to pay for the probation and house arrest, community service, and if they are locked up. Well, if you get child support or anything like SSI, they take it to care for that child.
Well, now on Monday he is being locked up, I have health issues to were I can't work and now I have no way to pay for my rent.
So, now I am looking that he is going away for 90 days and by the time he gets out, we will be homeless. I can send my 17 year old to live with his dad and my 18 year old will have to find someplace, but my youngest who is 12 and I will have no where but either the car or the mission to stay, unless I send him to live with his Grandmother, but then she will want custody of him and I will never get him back.
Now, in June, my oldest will get locked up for something he, his friend and his girlfriend did. He will be gone for two years.
I just feel like I have failed everyone. I don't really own anything, so I can't sell nothing. My son will need the computer for school next year, so I can't even get rid of that.
I just don't know were I went wrong with teaching my boys the right way of life. I am basically a single mom and my first ex, the older two boys' dad, was not a good influance, but, I tried SO hard to fight that my son's were not going to be a statistic. I put them in counceling, drug rehab for the oldest, locked him up when he started using again. He dropped out of school even.
I have tried so hard, but I wonder, were did I go wrong in life to be living in this much hell!
Do you ever wonder this for yourself?
5 people like this
14 responses
@chiyosan (30183)
• Philippines
19 Apr 08
i am sorry about all the trials you go through with your boys. i guess its too early for me to say that i am wondering what i did wrong in my life.. cause i am at my 26th year today and is not married, living with parents, etc... life is too early for me yet, i dont have my own family, etc...
i wish you goodluck.. Godbless.
2 people like this
@sharay (2769)
• India
19 Apr 08
I feel really sorry for you and your family...something has wrong somwhere, please dont blame urself for whatever had happened, everything is going to be back to normal..life is not that worse..there are hard times and good times in life, u r right now in the hard phase, manage it somehow with a positive thought that your life is going to turn sweet in very few days...In my case, i havnt gone through any major difficulties so far though there used to be some minor ones which i cud manage, my kid is only 3 now, so dont really know what God has in store for me...anyways, I am very sure I can deal with any kind of situation provided God stays with me to help me tolerate and withstand those troubles that are ahead in life...
@atifshahzad1 (632)
• Pakistan
20 Apr 08
i am now thirty plus now and i think that there is some thing wrong happen 4 or 5 years before when i was getting settled in a big city but then i also got job here in a town so i shifted here with my wife and i am here for the last 4 years. some times i think that if i be in some big city then i have had more settled there, and then i thik we dont need to have think what is wrong because God hs mde us and He do this division where we have to go in search of our livelihood. thanks a lot
@KrauseHome (36447)
• United States
20 Apr 08
I work with someone who is going thru a lot of the same issues you are facing with one of her kids. The main issue is they are threatening to lock her up now too, and may send her to prison. She had some problems in her past and the judge is saying some of the problems with her son could be her fault.
I just never understood the Court system, etc. here in the US. They never play it fair for most people, and don't usually even begin to care about a persons results even in there lives. It is a sad day indeed.
All we can do is if you have a Faith and a believe in god or a higher power, is put all of your faith and strength in him, and trust and believe everything will be OK. Until that happens just continue to carry on, and try to find things to help inspire you as well.
Wishing you the Best.
@bfarrier1 (2082)
• United States
20 Apr 08
Kaysue4 I have pretty much been a single mom also I am now near 50 yrs old and I know I did everything I could possibly do for my three girls but at times your children will see how far they can push you I had all three of my girls by the time I was 20yrs.old and had three teenage girls by the time I was 33 and my life change so fast my head really did spin, what one of them didn't try they all tried. It was a very hard time being a mom at that point in my life but they all graduate highschool(which was very lucky)all went to college and now are all mothers thierselves so I know you can survive this and it will get better for you.I now think back and I am simply amazed by it all because I was just a kid myself but WE ALL made it through it and you will too just don't ever GIVEUP.You and your kids will be in my prayers tonight as I have been there and to be quite honest I don't ever want to go back. Please just hang in there and say alot of prayers and you will find the strenght to get through all of your hard times. Bless you and your family.And to answer your question only about a million times have I wondered where I wen't wrong and come to find out I didn't go wrong I raised Three Strong Able bodied Women that can do for thierselves if need be.Goodnight
@djd832001 (124)
• United States
19 Apr 08
I'm sorry you are going through so many problems. I've been through alot too and sometimes I think that too. But this economy and this world is getting so bad. You didn't do nothing. Its just the system we are living in is getting worse and worse. We are living in what the Bible calls "hard times to deal with." You didn't go wrong in raising you sons. This system is corrupting them. The school systems and community has failed. Along time ago parents had help from neighbors in the community and from teachers, and that don't happen anymore. Just don't give up the fight. Hang in there. Anytime you want to talk just email at djd832001@yahoo.com
@Shaun72 (15959)
• Palatka, Florida
19 Apr 08
Don't blame yourself for this. It sounds like to me you are doing the best that you can and struggling at the same time. I am so sorry that all of this is happening with your son. Hopefully one day he will realize what he is doing and get his life straighted out.
@ldybgsgma99 (798)
• United States
19 Apr 08
I know exactly how you feel. My son has bipolar and ADHD. I have spent more time in courtrooms since he got older than I have in my entire life. I feel like I failed him in some way. I feel like I failed motherhood. My daughter isn't much better. She is in an abusive relationship and refuses to leave because she doesn't want to be alone.
@ayou82 (3450)
• Philippines
19 Apr 08
Sometimes i feel like I did all the effort already but it seems not enough or no much people appreciates what im doing.. but nowadays it is a matter of learning from mistakes If they still dont appreciate me thats not going to be my problem already i did my part i give my strength and i think that could be enough with self pride.
@dianne17k (587)
• Philippines
19 Apr 08
There's only so much a single mother can do for her kids. Don't be so hard on yourself. I really do hope things will work out for you and I'm sure they will.. Just have faith. Better days will come, don't you worry.
On topic, have I ever wondered where I went wrong in my life? Countless of times and to think I'm just 22. I've been in and out of depression and every episode would trigger my mind to think about things like this. I've spent a lot of time thinking about what I did wrong, which ate up a lot of time in which I should be doing something more productive. Everyday is a battle for me not to dwell in the past.
@shynie (556)
• Philippines
19 Apr 08
I am sorry for what you are going through. It's a tough life but always remember God won't give you that much burden if He knows you can't handle it.
I am only 23 years old and life for me is just starting. I am pregnant and my boyfriend left me. I felt lost, too. I do wonder where I did wrong, uncertain of what will happen, still hoping we'll get back together but anyhow I know there is a reason for everything. I know that in time all the wounds will heal.
Just keep on praying. That's what I do to ease it a little. I hope you could find some place to stay for you and your other kid. I know that you will find that inner peace. Just keep on beleiving in that.
Take Care!
@jesbellaine (4139)
• Philippines
19 Apr 08
Hi, I am sorry to hear that. Sometimes, we really wonder what we did in the past to have this situation in the present. I sometimes think about that. My mom and I are the only ones raising my siblings. Two sisters and a brother in college right now.. So tough to earn money... so I really ask above "what have I done to deserve this" but you know... a friend of mine told me that "No one deserves bad things from happening".. he told me that God will never give you a problem if we can't solve it... we just need to trust in him.
I don't mean to be religious here but you know... that words lifted my spirit everytime I am about to ask the same question all over again...
I hope you will overcome the obstacles you are in right now. Take good care.
@mandilyn25 (167)
• United States
19 Apr 08
I am truly sorry you are going through all of this.But don't blame your self.Your son is old enough to know right from wrong, and what is ok and not ok to do.Im 25 and I to am bipolar.I haven't always made the right decisions inlife.And my mother blames her self for the way I turned,but in the end I new what I was doing.Maybe not to the calliber I was doing it to, but I new.For me I never had harsh punishments so I never hit my bottum.I hope that for your son this time being locked up will be his bottum.So that he never have to do it again.Being bipolar it is dangerous for us not to take our meds.I know for me thats the first thing i do when I wake up.Now I know the importance of taking my meds.
And where he will be they will get him used to taking them on a regular basis.I to am also an addict.That was my way of escaping the way I was feeling.I also went to rehab several times.Like I said you have to have a bottum.For me it took acouple bottums befor I really relized what I was doing.Not only to myself but my family.It's like I woke up one morning facing 27yrs in prsion and my life was a complet mess.I can now proudly say I have 10months clean and no relapses.I don't mean to keep going but im just trying to get you to see that there is HOPE. Things do have a brighter side.I know its hard to see now but they do... Next time your feeling down remember this saying THIS TO SHALL PASS.
My grandma always says this and it has gotten me through some really really hard times.Good luck and if you need a friend im here... :)
