I don't feel too pleased with myself right now.

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When I was still a student, I always have this one particular dream career which I will keep secret. I've had so many other plans, my family had so many other plans for me but I always end up thinking about my dream career. The career that I've chosen belongs to a man's world so women like me who had the fortune, if you call it that, of joining this kind of job is very lucky and admirable as a lot of people have said to me. They see my job as glamorous and prestigious which makes me, in their eyes, one of the elite. That was what my thoughts were all about before I realized a lot of things just a few moments after I got my dream job.I thought my job is all I need to be happy for the rest of my life. I thought no one and nothing can change that view. That was why was so quick to judge people who gave up what they wanted before just for love. For me, they wasted a big chance that others would glady grope for. But I was wrong. All that I thought would make me happy was not enough and would never be enough because I am in love. I met my fiancee just as I was working to get my dream job. He asked me if there's any chance I would give that up for us because my job would eventually set us miles apart.I told him my family would be deeply hurt if I did and I would be a failure for them and for me. So I went on to become one of the ladies in a man's world. But right after I realized who I am now, I also realized that I'm not as happy as I expected to be. I realized hat the 85% of the rason and motivation that I had to pursue all this is because of my family and only 15% or so is about me. Now I understand why a lot of people of my profession eventually end up giving their job to be with their own families, their husbands and children. When I get married, I want to go home each night to my husband, sleep beside him each night and wake up every morning with him beside me. But that's so impossible right now unless I give all I have now instantly which I can not afford to do right now. I always pray for something to happen that would make me closer to him like a change of assignment. But I guess I have to wait for some three years before that could happen. Each time I visit him in Manila,btw his work alsomakes it very difficult for him to visit me in Mindanao,it breaks my heart as I count the days that I would be leaving him again. I am not happy right now, truthfully.There are just a few reasons why I'm holding on everyday.I feel terrble about myself because I know and have seen countless people wanting to be in my profession.I am a terrible person because I seem not contnt with what I have. But I can't help it, I just want to be with the one I love. Who among you ladies, share the same story?