my step dad!!!

Men just don't always understand the meaning of 'sentimental value'. He knew you had a wedding dress laying around that you weren't using and probably just figured it would be an easy way to help with the cost of a quick wedding. I'm sure he didn't really do it out of disrespect to you. On a side note it's not always just men who don't understand....my ex-hubby and I had a son and two daughters together. Despite the divorce we have a good relationship and I am saving my wedding dress in case on of the girls would like it. My own sister asked me if I would give it to the daughter of some friend of hers "since (we) were divorced anyway". I told her no of course and that as far as I was concerned that dress belonged to my daughters.

First I want to tell you how sorry I am about you losing your mom. I know it isn't easy. I think it was the most wonderful idea that you and your mom picked out your dress together. I wish my sister had done that with her daughter. It brings tears to my eyes thinking of what a wonderful thing you shared with her. As for your step dad well he was just stupid. Some people just don't think before they speak. I want to slap him up long side the head and I don't even know him. All you can do is chalk it up to stupidity on his part. Let it go and make sure you keep that dress whereever you are living. I am really proud of you for making your mom a part of your wedding in the future. I know she is watching over you always and she will be with you on that special day when it comes for you.

I am sorry to hear about your mom. It is unfair for your step dad to ask you such a thing. For your Question 'why would he do it?' my answer is this. He does not understand you, your feelings regarding the dress and the sentiment attached to it.It is downright insensitive and uncaring on his part. Now he has remarried and his life is centred around keeping his present wife happy[for his own peace and other needs]. So, he cooly asks you. Cannot that girl buy one of her own ? Can't she go shopping with her mother and do it? Oh! there is another reason[perhaps] --are they totally financially dependent on your step dad? That is probably another reason? Your dad has to shell out for her finery I guess and he has right now a financial problem/some tight corner. aNYHOW, IF YOU HAD USED IT ALREADY WHAT WOULD HE HAVE DONE? Just because you are waiting , it does not give him the right to take something that is associated with your mother. Refuse. If he can be selfish and insensitive, so can you. If you are otherwise very affectionate to him and you share a special bonding[I do doubt it]then talk to him straight about your sentimental value and refusal.

It sounds like you did the right thing, you said 'no' and you gave a good reason - he probably doesn't know what emotional turmoil he has caused, and it would do no good for him to know (unless he is daft enough to suggest anything similar). Maybe he feels a connection to that dress too, but on the face of it, it almost sounds like he was just being a cheapskate which I hope was not the case... It is a really lovely story, I hope your big day goes as planned and you are so right to hold on to your dress and keep it for your big occasion.

Because he's cheap and can't afford to buy another for his daughter in law. Good for you for not giving in Stacy, I know I would of been annoyed he even asked!

no, no, no, a thousand times no. you purchased this dress with your mother, who probably knew she would not "officially" see you wear it. and the fact that a "double step" family would think to ask... if it is a money issue - there are great dresses at thrift and consignment stores - i got a REALLY GREAT vintage dress for my second marriage - loved it a whole lot more than any i'd seen in the bride catalogs!! i think this may have been a little bit different if this topic had come up AFTER you'd gotten married in this dress - as then it would be a "loaner" rather than a "stolen first experience"

Tryin to save money.. and being insensitive! so he can save some money.. or do a favor and look good..

That would upst me very bad. I agree he does hav a lot of nerve to ask you this. Espially if it is for his daughter that is no kin to you or to your mother. He sounds like a jerk to me.

I don't think men see the things the same way that women do. I am so sorry for what you have been through and think it is great that you are planning on keeping your mom with you on your wedding day. I can only guess that maybe this girl does not have the money for a wedding dress and he is trying to help. Maybe he thinks that after 7 years it does not matter. Maybe you can give her money toward a wedding dress as a wedding gift. So it will show that you care, but that you do not want to share your wedding dress, your tie with your mom.

I can understand why you are so upset stacy but you know as well as men and women being different there are also a lot of different personalities out there and it may just be that your stepdad thinks he is just being practical and didn't even think he may be upsetting you. I am sure he meant no offence or upset and you know what as long as he didn't put any pressure on you it would probably help you more to just let it go. I am not saying you do not have a right to be upset - of course you do but just that if you dwell on it too much it will hurt you much more and I am sure your stepdad would not want that! xxx

Oh, my dear stacy, I know how very special that dress must be to you. I bet that your stepdad just is not as sensitive to that matter as you would like him to be. Just tell him your feelings from the very bottom of your heart. But also remember, he is being influenced by his new wife. Be sensitive to the fact that he is probably feeling a little caught in the middle.

Hi stacyv81! I don't know what your stepdad's reasons are for asking your wedding dress but it is very insensitive of him to ask that from you. Just say, "No" dear friend. It is your wedding dress and the wedding dress your mother has saw you in it. Just my thoughts dear friend. Take care and have a nice day!

I am sorry you lost your mom. Your step-dad, although moronic, probably meant no harm to your feelings. They just don't think sometimes. Offer to go to the consignment stores, thrift shops, and yard sales in the area with him, My beautiful wedding dress was $50 at a yard sale. I am glad you stood your ground and did not give in. Your mom is surely proud.

I agree with many others, men just don't always have enough tact to think about what they say before they say it, and how it will affect the person that they are saying it to. You should have never even been faced with such a proposition. I know that it probably made you feel like he didn't respect/care about you as you thought he did. Not only is that special dress yours, you have never even worn it. Why would someone expect you to let another person wear a dress of such sentimental value, when you have never even worn it yourself? Some people pass on their wedding dresses to their children, etc... But, that's after they already have worn it at their own wedding. I'm not sure why your stepdad asked you this question. Maybe the girl (the daughter) can't afford her own. And, if he discussed it with the girl or her mom, they should have told him that it was a bad idea. I would definitely do the same thing in your situation. I would not give up my dress!! One good thing about all of it is that this situation probably made you reflect more on the special bond that you and your mom had, and still have spiritually. Even though, I'm sure you have never forgotten the love that you shared.

I think he would do that becaue he's either selfish, or has no class. I think you should tell him NO WAY, that it is YOUR DRESS, and no one else's. That's a very low hing or him to do, and I would be hopping mad, if he were my step-dad.

Sorry to hear about your mom passing away. Regarding your step-dad, all I can say is that it's a shame he did that to you. But since he is a man he wouldn't understand how we women wuuld feel. But he could have used his common sense in this case. Go save the dress for yourself, darling. Never give in to them.

Talk to your step dad, tell him that you don't like the idea of letting his daughter wear your wedding dress..explain him the reason in a good manner. I know it's not really a good idea of your dad, whatever the his reason was, he should not do that. But that will depend on you too...i know it's precious to you because of the memory of your mom. Just fight for your right, ok?

First of all, keep your head up! I can tell you that your dad didn't ask for your wedding dress to hurt you. If he knew that it would hurt you, I'm sure he wouldn't have asked. Men are like that, they realize they have made a mistake only after you yell at them. He probably didn't know about the special moment you shared with your mom and how dear and precious the dress is for you. On the other hand, if you are sure that he knew how special the dress is and he asked you for it anyways, then if I was you I wouldn't even speak to him until he apologizes properly.

I would agree with the above that men tend not to attach sentimental value to material objects the way women do. I highly doubt he intended to offend you, or even considered that may have been the outcome. Very likely, to him it is a dress, and his stepdaughter needed such a dress. It made sense to him that you should allow the stepdaughter to use it. You say you have spoken to him about it before, but what was it you said? Perhaps he simply doesn't realize that it wasn't a matter of you "waiting to use it" and that you were deeply attached to that dress in particular, in a way nobody else could or would be. men tend not to attach emotions and events to objects that way, but they certainly can understand when a woman does.

Hi sweetie , I am so sorry you lost your mother . I hope you are finding some peace now . I am also sorry that your step dad could ask that of you , and not understand why that would hurt you . Men sometimes dont think and can be real dumb , ya know what i mean . I wish he would of thought before he spoke because some things you just dont ask of someone.