Do you ever feel like giving up on them???
By trish331
@trish331 (33)
United States
April 23, 2008 10:31am CST
When your sister needs help, is there a point in time when you just say, "I cant do this anymore. Get it together, then call me."?
My younger sister,almost 30, moved out of state to start over. She got re-married and seemed really happy. She kept in touch with everyone by email for a couple of years. About 6 months ago, she sent out a mass mail that said she didnt want any contact from family because she "needed to get her life together and live her life for herself."
So we left her alone. It broke my mothers heart and, in turn, hurt me. I would give my own life to keep my mother from any kind of pain.
My mom called a week ago and said that sis had called at 2 am, crying and said that she couldnt stay there anymore. I called sis and she told me that she had been drinking the night before and didnt even remember calling mom. I informed her that I would not allow her to put mom thru this again.
This past Sunday morning at 4 am, my dad called and asked if I would go with him to get my sis and bring her back. I apologized but told him that I couldnt do it. I feel as if I have lost a sister and I will never get her back. She called yesterday from our folks' house to talk to my kids and after she wanted to speak to me but I couldnt do it, I just hung up the phone.
So, is there a point when enough is enough where family is concerned? Or, do you just keep giving more and hope they appreciate your help???
1 person likes this
3 responses
@lorelie78n (145)
• Philippines
24 Apr 08
Actually the letter was a "cry for help"......
You shouldn't feel angry with your sister........she reached for you and your family for help but none of you heard her.......all you did was accept what was written.
The mere fact that you were very close as a family and then she started to pull back means she is in big trouble. She said those things in order to protect you.....She thought if she hides what was really happening with her life, she could protect you from feeling pain. She is also ashamed for what is happening with her life. You said she re-married to start over. She thought she could but in the end she was not successful in doing so. Ego and pride made her write it maybe because she didn't want people to know that she was unsuccessful with her plans to start over.
It is not easy to change our ways. Your sister is psychologically and emotionally broken. You ignoring her only fuels her emotions of being incompetent and insecure to what is really going on with her life.
The best way to help her is through counseling. Try ask for a social worker or a psychologist or psychiatrist to look at her. Maybe all she needs is a professional guidance. Seeing these people doesn't necessarily means she is insane. Sometimes consulting these people will help her stay sane and help her fixed her life to be able to start over the right way.
Her family is her life support. Be more patient with her.
@trish331 (33)
• United States
24 Apr 08
I know you are right, but this isnt the first time she has done this type of thing. She refuses to seek professional help. She has never gotten past an incident from when she was 8 years old.
See she was in the hospital, very ill, and a man came in and brutally raped her. They never caught him and she quit seeing the psychiatrist. She said they were all idiots and she was fine. The thing is she never has been fine since. I suffered the whole thing with her because at the time we were like one person. I shared the night terrors, the scars, the mental and emotional abuse. I went to all of her appts with her, walked beside her when everyone else disappeared.
Ever since, she has lived her life as if everyone owes her. She blames my dad for what happened; even went as far as to say she thought he arranged the whole thing to happen.
More than once she has ripped our family apart with a couple of sentences.
Like I said, I know you are right, but I dont think I have anymore to give to her.
@lorelie78n (145)
• Philippines
25 Apr 08
It is quite sad to hear her story.......
But did she went through the whole counseling thing right after that incident? If yes, then maybe the counselor she have had isn't that good at all. She was unable to address the emotional trauma the child had.
It really is quite sad when there are so many counselors out there who are really after the money rather than concern for the well being of others that they tend to forget what they were really there for. Many doesn't do there jobs well leaving patients hanging in the air.
Well you just hold tight. Maybe you could add prayers for your sister. She might need to have some miracles in her life. Thats the closest thing to help you can provide for her at the moment. Just make sure your parents stay strong in your family's ordeal. I know they are hanging on and fighting it as well.
Don't quit on her. You may have gone through all the tears and pain she had but remember the ordeal didn't directly happened to you. You can say things like moving on and stuff, but sometimes the healing process of people is different from another. She was the one who had to face all those demons. She was the one who was raped. You may say you could feel her pain and such, but you really don't know what she is going through unless you have been subjected to such ordeal. You never know you might be weaker than her when faced with the same thing.
@emma412 (1156)
• United States
27 Apr 08
Oh yeah, I have one of those sisters. Just when it seems like she is getting her life together she does something to royally screw it all up again. She has been in dire need of things so many times in the past few years. She owes me so much money and I know she will never repay me a penney of what she owes me. It came to a point when my daughter was born that I had to let it go. We still talk all the time but when she starts complaining about her problems I tell her to stop. I don't want to hear them because she put herself in her situation in life. I have my own family now and can't be wrapped up in her problems. I refuse to send her any money now no matter how badly she needs it. My parents have given up on her and haven't talked to her in over a year. She only contacts other members of our family when she needs money. It's pretty sad but I'm holding out hope that she'll grow up here soon. Good luck with your sister!
@enola1692 (3323)
• United States
23 Apr 08
Well my sis who is older then me had a boyfriend who would beat her anI would go out of my way to help her an she vowed she would give up the drinking an the man well one day I got her away from it again and she hit me in the face my being disable I went right down on my butt well my hubby threw her out an said we can't help u no more if you don't help yourself well heres the best ending to this story my sister move to nh has a great boyfreind who trats her like gold an she dosen't drink too much any more seeing she also has a great job also your sister will come around an get it together I never thought my sister would but i can't be more prouder of her then I am right now
