I hate you!!!!!
@libertarianfreedom21 (3198)
United States
April 24, 2008 7:57pm CST
thats what my step-kid told me today when i was getting on to him, and grounding him for talking back, and telling me NO. He didn't finish work in school and i was trying to get an answer from him. He said that it didnt need to be finished in school today, and i said well you wouldnt of got a #2 (which means not following directions) and that it had to be done or he wouldnt of got a number two. he kept talking back about it so i gave him more work to do, he told me NO and thats when i told him he was grounded. Then i called his dad and talked to him about it and thats when he told me he hated me. Then he goes on saying his life is crappy, and i was trying to tell him and make him understand that no its not. WEll anyways, were better now, i just wanted to vent about it. Dont you hate when kids say things like this? Me being a step mom made me feel even worse, I told my step mom before that i hated her, but my step mom was one of those that never let you do anything, i was always grounded and had to clean floors on my hands and knees with a rag. I think he does need to understand that we are actually way more lieniate than most parents.
1 person likes this
13 responses
@mummymo (23706)
•
27 Apr 08
Hey honey welcome to the world of parenting! My partner was actually quite pleased the first time my son told him he hated him as he felt it meant that my son was comfortable enough with him to be able to express that feeling! All kids will try to push boundaries to see how far they can go honey - it is part of their development and perfectly natural - even those who are given less boundaries and rules, they want to test the waters and see just how far they can push! I am sure it won't be the last time you hear this so please try not to feel too bad about it , he really didn't mean it! xxx
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23706)
•
29 Apr 08
I am glad you feel better sweetheart! I hope that all goes well and you are right to try and find what works with him - all kids react differently and a lot of parents don't realise that what works for one doesn't work for all! Laughter is always a good way to break the mood too! I hope you don't mind me saying this, if you do I apologise but it is just that from my training and from my own experience as a parent you have to be careful how often you change things as it can confuse the child and they aren't sure where they stand or how to react - try things for a little while and not just once - sometimes it takes time for a particular method to work! xxx
1 person likes this
@libertarianfreedom21 (3198)
• United States
29 Apr 08
Yes we only have had custody for about a year, and we are still falling into place with things. My fiance has a lot he needs to learn that he doesnt relize, he will not be strict enough in getting on to him on things he does wrong, but at the same time he doesnt really give his son the attention he needs right now. I tell him this over and over and over, and he says i know i will try, but he still does the small things that matter the most. Like when my step-son trys to show him something and my fiance will be like whatever or something like that. I think hes just now starting to realize he needs to be there at those times. We usually just talk to him when hes in those "life is crappy moods" and tell him how life isnt crappy, you have to keep your head up, and so on and so forth, but its not workign so we are going to try to make him in a better mood when this happens. Since he has an abusive (more mentally, and not enough physically that CPS can do something) step-dad, I think that he needs extra special care on things, but the problem is where is being to nice with him, and where is not being nice enough at, if you know what i mean.
1 person likes this
@libertarianfreedom21 (3198)
• United States
28 Apr 08
I feel better now, It was his moms weekend so i havent seen him all weekend, but he is grounded over here today and tomorrow and im just interested to see how he acts these two days. We are trying to work on his negative reactions at the time. We are trying differant approches and havent foudn one that works as of yet. Our next approch is going to be sorta what my mom did when we were at each others throat. My mom would grab a hold of me and make smacking noises at my neck and say im going to give you a hicky if you dont stop. I dont want to use that techneque but something that will make him laugh and get over his life is crappy mood.
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12051)
• India
25 Apr 08
Most kids go through this phase...even one's own kids.
It's just about being consistent and not let them know that it got to you. If you do, then they do it again.
I remember telling my mom that too....and it's only because we didn't see eye to eye...I can't say she was a cruel mom....but our viewpoints were different and as you know...the teenage phase needs to be handled very carefully.
That definitely does not mean that kids cannot get away without obeying rules...but one needs to be firm. I really hate the talking back...especially when it goes back and forth and gets nowhere...I get tired after a point...and want to scream...it takes all my effort to keep my composure then.
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12051)
• India
26 Apr 08
Tell me about it! But the kids are growing up so fast...and it's harder to know and find out with boys than with girls (because you can see the physical changes). It's only when they are open enough to talk to you (thank goodness for that!) that you know what's happening...and I'm like, 'Goodness! I didn't expect this for another 7-8 years atleast!'. But I'm coming to terms with it now....though I have to remind myself on and off.
1 person likes this
@libertarianfreedom21 (3198)
• United States
25 Apr 08
I know what you mean, he really isnt a teenager yet, about to be 10 but very close to one. We need to try to stop some of this behavior before he does become a teen.
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
25 Apr 08
Omg I would never marry a man with kids...Lol...I have 5 children all grown now and i stayed with their Dad until they were grown up.....I made the mistake of marrying a man with kids,worst mistake i ever made....Step kids resent us,refuse to mind and i do think they actually hate us..I had to get out of that realtionship because of the kids....I am sorry to hear this but whe you marry someone with children ,they will not mind and if it gets down to involing the Dad,they end up taking the kids side even if they are wrong..Good luck dear and i wish you the best...
1 person likes this
@libertarianfreedom21 (3198)
• United States
25 Apr 08
yes he does take his kids side sometimes, but times like last night he doesnt take his sons side, i think he could of been a little harder on his son after what all happened, but his son is smart and starts talking about how his mom is letting his step dad come around, which isnt supposed to happen because of abuse, and the mom signed a paper sayin she will not put her son in harms way. So then it makes my fiance start thinking about that instead and he doesnt get as chewed out as i think he should of been, oh well, he told me he was sorry and he wouldnt do it agian.
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
27 Apr 08
I always hate kids when they will start talking back especially if they are wrong. I may give a chance to listen and allow them to justify their actions if they are right but in that case, you do the right thing for me! I know it's tough for you and maybe also for some point, he is adjusting plus sad to be away from his real mom! So, we can also understand the case! But, still , needs to be discipline as early as possible, and I admire what you did, you explain and give some sanctions at least he knows next time his limitations!
1 person likes this
@libertarianfreedom21 (3198)
• United States
28 Apr 08
I hope he remembers LOL. He sounded like he really was sorry and whatever, but i wonder if he still will do it again. I told my ex step mom once that she wasnt my mom (she was evil though LOL)
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
28 Apr 08
I have not had my stepson say this to me before, but we have definitly butted heads before. He trys to cop attitudes with me and back talk me. Thankfully my husband puts his foot down with him when he tries this. My stepson and I actually have a really good relationship, I think he just gets in his moods and that is his way of relieving it.
Being a parent is hard anyways, but when you are the step-parent it's even harder. For the most part is because most step-children don't see you as a parent, just someone who happens to be married to thier mom or dad. I hope all works out for you.
1 person likes this
@libertarianfreedom21 (3198)
• United States
28 Apr 08
Yes we have a real good relationship too, but he gets his moods and im like his punching bag. Its probally because im the outsider and he feels more comfertable useing me as the punching bag than his dad.
@vikrantkarning (42)
• India
25 Apr 08
well after reading this I really respect you.because being a step mother you are so caring and kind towards your step kid.because most of the time it doesn't happen. after having your own children stepmothers start to overlook their stepchildren.
why I'm telling this because I'm the one of those person who had face lot of trouble from my stepmother. In my childhood I was expecting the same kind of caring and kindness which I never got. which turns a lifetime hate relation ship between me and my stepmother.
so don't feel bad that he is not responding you now,because may be steel he is missing his mom or may be he is comparing between you and his mother. it will take time but definitely he will start to like you. just have some patience and be more kind with him.
@libertarianfreedom21 (3198)
• United States
25 Apr 08
I'm sure its already getting to where he shows some kind of caring towards me. its hard though. I also had a step mom that would try anything to keep me grounded, and i dont want him to feel that way about me. We will get through this though, thanks for your responce.
@starr4all (2863)
•
25 Apr 08
I think at some point all kids say that to their parents. My 7 year old said that to me the other day. He didn't like being punished. He's also blaming me for his dad being away (husband is air force and sent to korea for a year. He wasn't allowed to bring his family). But he gets over it pretty quickly and then comes and apologizes to me.
1 person likes this
@libertarianfreedom21 (3198)
• United States
25 Apr 08
yea he got over it and really really apoligized (without his dad telling him to) when he went to bed. and he goes sorry for yelling at you, and i said its ok, and he said no its not. then i said your right, just dont do it agian ok. He said ok. now im sorry for all the he said she said lol. but it happens and i guess even can make your relationship stronger
@minnie_98214 (10557)
• United States
25 Apr 08
My son has said this to me so dont let it get to you kids will be kids. I know it hurts but you know hes only saying it cause hes mad at you. Darn kids are lucky these days if you ask me. I remember some horrible punishments when i was young.
1 person likes this
@libertarianfreedom21 (3198)
• United States
25 Apr 08
Thats what i tell him every time he gets in trouble, if i would of said something like that to my dad, i would of been back handed. and we are way lineate on him, but thats because we understand a lot of things, and some things we just let him learn on his own.
@libertarianfreedom21 (3198)
• United States
25 Apr 08
WE talked and hes better now, grounded for a few days and then he will be ungrounded, and we will see how he acts from there.
@Angelwhispers (8978)
• United States
25 Apr 08
It always hurts when a child says something like that. Whether or not he is you biological child or step child, it just hurts. I went through that with my middle son, trust me I laid in bed and cried many nights, but you have to do what is best for the child. If you do not get a handle on this type of situation now, the next few years will be rocker than you can ever imagine. Good luck and just so you know there are many of us that understand what you are going through.
1 person likes this
@libertarianfreedom21 (3198)
• United States
25 Apr 08
Yes thats one reason i try to work through his problems while he is still young, when he is a teenager he will be worse than he is now, so its best to teach him as much as we can while hes still young. thanks for your respocne
@wanghefei (23)
• China
25 Apr 08
I also told my mother I hated her in angry. I gree with you, he really need to understand it
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
25 Apr 08
When I met my now hubby, I was a single parent of an 8 year old boy, he made my hubbys life a living hell for years, my hubby did everything for my son and it was never appreciated, life was just a battleground. My son is now 16, and for some strange reason my hubby is still with us!! They are just starting to forge a bond and I think that eventually they will be good friends but it takes time. Time and in my hubbys case never giving up!!! Oh and patience!!!
1 person likes this
@libertarianfreedom21 (3198)
• United States
25 Apr 08
Yes i do so much for him, and sometimes i wonder why he acts the way he does, he has had problems though, his step dad was abusive and i htink that may be one reason. We have our real good days and he is awsome with me, but then there are the days like yesterday, or days where he comes home from school acting all depressed
@dragonfly242 (1060)
• Bahamas
25 Apr 08
I said it to my mom, and have the scar on my lip to show for it.And my oldest son said it to me when he was five and didn't want to go to bed, lucky for him he doesn't have a scar.But i wont put to much to it, kids have a way of saying things in anger that they really dont mean. Every kid at some point thinks their life is crappy, but they will grow to understand how easy they had it when they have kids of their own.
1 person likes this
@libertarianfreedom21 (3198)
• United States
25 Apr 08
Yes its just the waiting for them to understand that really gets to you LOL
