Congratulations or Sympathy?

i think you were not wrong in congratulationg. may be as they were not expecting it, they are taking this in bad mood. don't feel bad. people oftn behave this way when they ar not in good mood.

What did she expect you to say? If you had said it was a terrible thing to happen I don't think she would have been too pleased! Maybe the woman was just feeling a bit upset about her unwanted pregnancy. I expect when the baby is born she will feel differently.

Speaking very bluntly Sandhya, I think it’s a stupid answer from a very stupid person. Interacting with you for past several months, I think I have an idea of your neighbours and I feel that most of them are educated well-informed and decisive in their attitude (like you and me and most of our acquaintances). You would hardly find a modern couple these days, who make such 'mistakes' and then go around complaining about it. Firstly, she had no business telling you something so personal about themselves and that too, so soon and secondly she should at least have had the decency to hide the goof-up and instead smile and say 'Thank you, we changed our mind". Just goes to show how thick some people can be. (But if you get to know her better later, do tell me if I am wrong).

This is so rude of the lady! What else did she expect from someone and anyone for that matter. Congratulations is the only thing that one can think of in such situations. I can understand that it was not planned but since they have opted for keeping the baby, I think, she should have been little more tolerant. She's been grouchy but this will only affect her health but who will make her understand! poor lady..lol... I think we can give her benefit of doubt taking mood swings into account...lol..

Unplanned pregnancy or unwanted pregnancy sometimes any couples or person in a dilemma. Some will just stick to their original plan of not wanting a child and go for an abortion. But in this case, though they didn't want another child but later found out the lady is pregnant, decided to have the baby after all. It shows that they are human after all. If I were in your situation, I would just keep quiet and listen to their grumbling about their unexpected pregnancy. You know, pregnant woman can be very sensitive.

How awful for you. I can understand your predicament, especially in view of her reaction. But she was right, in a way. She did confide in you that she did not want another child, so unless she told you otherwise, you would have to assume that the situation remained the same. Without the interactive skills to deal with the situation, I can appreciate why you would offer congrats and be surprised at her reaction to it. But the correct response, the minute she told you she was pregnant, was to say: "And how do you feel about it, in view of what you told me?" Then you would have allowed her to be honest and you would have discovered that congratulations would have been the last thing she wanted. Then follow up with something like: "What happens now, or do you need more time to work it out? I am very happy with you being pregnant, but obviously sad at your situation which must be confusing for you. But I am here to talk whenever you wish to." That would prevent her being judged and also emphasise that she does have a friend she can turn to. Then things might not look so bad to her. Most important, talking to her regularly would have helped her to crystalise her thoughts and highlight the options she has available. Who knows, with a little bit of regular emotional support from you as a friend, she could even change her mind about her situation and welcome the baby. Often it is simply fear of our situation, of being isolated and unable to cope and fear of the future which makes many women fear more children. A little bit of encouragement could work wonders in many cases, without imposing our desires on them. Don't worry too much about her being angry. She probably need someone to be angry with and you feel straight into it. Just apologise sincerely and then try and talk to her, to comfort her and see how she feels. Admit your were a little hasty and clumsy in your response and you do sympathise with her position. She sounds as though she could do with this reassurance and friendship just now.

I would have done the same th ing you did congradulate her but idk maybe say "i know you didn't want another one, but there are blessings to having children." and leave it at that.

I would have said exactly the same as you did. I would have congratulated them. After all, it's not your problem... it's hers. If they really didn't want any more children, there are ways to prevent it. Do you know what I think? I think she's trying to create some sensationalism around getting pregnant... you know, as if she's the only one in the world who fell pregnant when she didn't want to? I think I'd avoid her like the plague from now on. She sounds as though she's a very rude person, in not accepting your congratulations and you'd be better off saving your kind words for those who appreciate them. Brightest Blessings, my dear friend.

I too would have said congratulations! I just hope that by the time this child is born that she and her husband have changed their tune. God help the poor child if it hasn't, as the child will grow up thinking that its very presence is negative. If they didn't want another baby, then maybe they should have been a little more careful! It makes me sad to be honest; especially when you think of all the people in the world that are deserved of having children but can't.

I would have said the same as you. I think it was rather rude of the woman to respond like she did. I feel sorry for the child. I have the feeling it will never feel loved or wanted just from what you have said about the attitude of this woman.

I wouldn't have said anything, even though congratulations is the normal response. Knowing they didn't want another child, I would have let the comment fall to the wayside, and let her continue with what she wanted to say next.

I would have said that everything happens for a reason, and that while they didn't plan on having any more, they will come to accept and enjoy this one too. Making the most of what happens unexpectedly is just as important as making the most of the things we have planned. I would probably asked her if she wanted to talk about how she was feeling etc and offer to listen and help her come to terms with it all. This pregnancy for me (baby #5) was not meant to happen, but it did, and while I wasn't terribly impressed to begin with, I know that I will love my baby just as much as I love my other girls.

Usually when someone tells me they are getting married I respond with "congratulations or condolences, whichever the case may be" and it gets a laugh out of them but in this case I would not have offered a congrats since I knew they didn't want more children. But I would think that after making the decision not to have any more children they would have taken necessary precautions to ensure that this didn't happen. I'm glad to hear they are keeping it, I just hope mom's attitude towards the new addition changes before she gives birth.

I believe that I would steer clear of this person, she appears to want drama in her life.. She is an adult and could have taken birth control to stop an unwanted pregnancy, but she didn't.. If she was honest in her intentions not to have another child, then she should have made sure that it didn't happen.. I am not sure about another child for her, she may need to give it up for adoption and give it to someone who would love, appreciate, and cherish a new life brought into this world, not raise it begrudgingly.. I am not sure if the child will be coming into the world into the best environment.. Are they good to the 3-yr old?? I do believe that I would have reservations about their ability to parent the one that they have and don't really believe they need another one.. I thought most all babies/children were gifts from God and not something to begrudge having in your life simply because you didn't do the responsible thing and practice some type of birth control.. The parents are not very responsible.. God help this new baby..

I would have done the same thing that a normal decent person would have done like you.It beats me how certain people can have a very strange attitude problems.Thank God we are normal.

if i know that they aren't planning to have a second child, i would have said, "weren't you being careful?". i would have not congratulated them but i would definitely tell them to keep the baby. its there and however we may think about it, its their fault. they weren't careful enough and they just go on having their own pleasure. they say they don't want a second child but they don't take serious precaution. and besides, who knows, in the future, that baby would be the lucky star for them. although i'm not saying that they are unlucky. you know, the baby might give them more blessings in the future. and its a baby! its God's gift. they shouldn't mope about it. they should be happy.

She sounds like she is shy of a few marbles in the brain department because why would she tell you she is pregnant without giving a weather report so to speak. A few weeks ago I would have said another thing but now we are in California for the summer, and here the appropriate remark would have been "How do you feel about that?" Once we had a neighbor who introduced herself in the yard the day we moved in like this--she said "my name is [so-and-so] and these are my two MISTAKES" meaning her children. I was horrified, especially that she called them that within their hearing. We were glad when we moved away.

I would have looked at her and asked "is that a good thing or a bad thing?" and when she said bad thing i would have replied with " I just cant imagine how a baby could be such a bad thing, no matter how many you have it is still a blessing" she probably wouldn't have liked that response either but hey its the truth lol.

She must be one weird lady. I do not know but she is not happy for sure. Just leave her alone. After some days she will recover and after having the baby she would regret of having said such words. Babies are the best healer on earth.

I think it was very rude of them to respond this way. Congratulations is a very normal response. Though I have learned to ask, are you happy about it, before saying anything. Most people are not going to say no and if they do the conversation simply goes in a different direction. However I don't think that there was a "right" thing to say to this person. Don't feel badly. Some people simply don't function well in society. lol