Am I Wrong to be Angry
By ladym33
@ladym33 (10979)
United States
April 28, 2008 11:32am CST
My husbands heart is just too big sometimes. Let me explain. Earlier this year my husband came into $700 unexpectantly, I had nothing to do with his getting this money, and I had no intention of taking it or using any of it or anything like that even though we do have a broken kitchen sink that sprays me everytime I turn it on, so I thought he might at least offer to use a little of the money to fix the sink, I won't even get started on the garage door. But it was his money so I didn't say anything.
My husband has a couple of motor cycles and he is restoring one of them, and his main one has a broken muffler so I figured he would use the money to get something for the one bike or get the main bike fixed, but instead of getting his pipes fixed, he took the entire $700, and gave it to his friend so his friend could buy pipes for his own pipes, this was a present for his 40th birthday. I couldn't believe it. We need things done here, and he needs things himself, yet he gave every bit of that money away.
Now we recently got our income tax return, and we put some of the money away, and we decided that we would each take some to buy some things that we have wanted, and to have a bit of fun. My husband got $1200, again I thought he would fix his bike and put some away for a motorcycle rally he wants to attend later in the Summer. Well another one of his friends is turning 40 and he just informed me that he purchased his friend a $1200 television set. Again he spent every bit of the money on someone else, he will have nothing to show for it, and he still has a broken motorcycle, and he now has no money for his upcoming trip.
He has failed to financially plan for these little trips before and ends up spending a lot of money which the family usually has to take a hit on to pay back.
This is the last bit of extra money I see coming our way. We are not millinairs we are not rich, we are hard working people, the fact that he chooses to give all of his money away to his friends like that is just weird to me, normal people don't do this kind of thing do they? I can see if we were really wealthy but $1200 is a lot of money to us.
I just know that somehow the whole family will end up paying to get his motorcycle fixed, and for his trip. This is just so agravating to me, when I thought I was giving him the means to pay for these things. I am not saying he can't buy his friends a nice gift, but come on, the amount of money he has spent is rediculas.
Do I have the right to be angry? Would you be angry?
9 people like this
18 responses
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
29 Apr 08
My goodness giving someone else a $1200 television and someone else $700 instead of using some of the money himself? I would be VERY angry, and deginately wanting to question the motives behind this. Does he somehow owe $$ to these two or something and not wanting to tell you? I would be just a little more than curious if it was me.
All I can tell you is sounds like you have some serious issues here that need some explaining. I just am wishing you the Best from here.
2 people like this
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
29 Apr 08
No he does not owe either of them money. They have all been friends for like 30 years. my husband just thinks that decade birthdays are special and has taken it upon himself to maie sure they have a nice one. Both guys do not have wives who my husband would feel it is there responsibility to make their birthdays special so he feels that someone has to do it so it might as well be him. To my husband this is extra money, so it does not hurt him to give it away. His thinking is kind of screwy though because he leaves himself short and doesn't take care of things that he needs. If I had known he was going to do this I would not have said that we could have some of the money for ourselves, I would have just put it in savings, and paid for things he needs done as needed.
1 person likes this
@lee_lihui (23)
• China
29 Apr 08
Why don't you discuss with him about how to deal with this money,i think he will respect you because you are husband and wife.Maybe men always think friendship is the most important thing to them and they all attach great importance to face-saving.Sometime we also have no alternative.
2 people like this
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
30 Apr 08
I think he feels responsible for them for some reason. When he cares about someone, he will do just about anything for them, this is something I love about him, but I don't understand why he has to do this. He always says a gift is about the gift, buying something someone will really like, it is not about the price. I think however that he is taking this to the extreme.
@Darkwing (21583)
•
29 Apr 08
Maybe he's thinking along the lines of things coming back threefold. That would solve a lot of problems, but very often, the threefold return wouldn't be in cash but in kind. Other than that, I can see no earthy reason why he would spend to much on his friends, when he is in need himself.
I mean.. ok, give his friends something worth up to $100. That would be quite enough and he would still have $1700 left to spend on his own needs.
Brightest Blessings.
@chertsy (3798)
• United States
29 Apr 08
I would be beyond angry. If my husband did this, without even thinking about what the family needed, he would be getting ready to look for a divorce lawyer. I would have chewed him a new butt when he spent the $700.00 on a person that didn't do crap like this for his birthday. Having friends, means you have to also give, if you want to receive. It's a give and take relationship, and your husband is doing all the giving. If this 1200 was the money given because of Bush, then 600 belongs to you, because he wouldn't have gotten it without being married to you. If I was you, I would tell him that this has to stop. I would make him get the tv back and get your money back.
I also think, you should sit him down and talk to him about this, or this will eat at you, until you explode on him. Tell him everything you just told us, get it off your chest, and you will be amazed how the stress just goes away.
1 person likes this
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
29 Apr 08
It was part of our regular income tax return. We put some in savings, and we both took a little for ourselves to buy something that we wouldn't normally have the money for or to get something fixed. This was his money to do as he wished with, however, if I had known he was just going to give every penny of it away, I would not have agreed to this. There are things that my husband wants to do, and things that he needs fixed, this money was suppossed to be for that. Not to give away. It is very frustating. The other $700 he got on his own, I had nothing to do with it, so I felt I really couldn't say what he did with the money, I would have just appreicated if he would have given me $100 of it to get the sink fixed, that would have been nicek, and I know he could have used that money to fix his motorcycle, or buy some parts fot he motorcycle he is restoring, I just don't understand why he would give all his money away like that.
2 people like this
@chertsy (3798)
• United States
30 Apr 08
Best thing to do is sit down with him and talk about it, before you do get the refund check that's coming soon thanks to Bush. I'm still sticking to what I said what I would do if my husband did that. I don't care if the 700 came from a family member because he or she passed. If we needed that money more to fix something, then it would go to fix that problem. I might sound harsh, but family comes before friends. My husband has a good saying, unless you pay my bills, sleep with me, then sorry.
So, talk to him, and I swear you be amazed how fast you will feel better about all of this. You will never know why, unless you ask. Good luck with this situation.
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
30 Apr 08
I have tried to talking to him about this, but I guess I am just not presenting a good enough argument, he maintains that it is his money to do what he wants with, and this is what he wants to do. Technically it is since we did decide that we would each get to take some money to do what we wished with. However, this was not my intention or understanding when we decided to take a little money. The point was to get something we needed or wanted with the money. He just gave it all away and that is what really makes me made. If I had known he was going to do that I would have agreed to less, or not agreed to it all. I just know this is going to come back and bite him in the butt later, which in turn is going to bite me in the butt.
1 person likes this
@callarse1 (4783)
• United States
29 Apr 08
In a way, I would be upset, too. First, ladym33, I would suggest you and your husband have a bill folder so you can plan your expenses. It will help your husband because he will see how much money he has, and how much money he is spending on his friends. First, he needs to track his spending, and where his money is going. He needs to write all the bills that are coming up or events he wants to spend money. His friends are not as generous so I'm not sure why he's spending all that money. Have you spoken to him regarding the topic?
Pablo
1 person likes this
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
29 Apr 08
I take care of our budget so that is all in hand. This was extra money from our income tax return, there are things that both of us individually want or need. They are not necessities but just things we might buy or have fixed if extra money came up, so we agreed to put some of the money away in to savings, and then each of us could have some to buy something we want, or get some things fixed that we wanted fixed. Instead of fixing his motorcycle or putting the money aside for a rally he wants to go to later in the summer he is just handing every cent of this money over to a friend as a gift. While I don't mind him giving his friend a gift, that is not what the money was for, it was to take care of some little extras with some extra money we would not normally have, but he has just chosen to give all of his away. That was certainly not the point of this extra money. Thank you for commenting.
1 person likes this
@10fingaz2getha4eva (287)
• United States
28 Apr 08
yea id be mad does his friends do the same back?
1 person likes this
@10fingaz2getha4eva (287)
• United States
28 Apr 08
thats crazy whats his reasoning? you have every right to be mad home comes first
1 person likes this
@peavey (16936)
• United States
28 Apr 08
I would probably be upset, yes. I think I'd be asking him why he gave the money away when he and his family needed it themselves. And I would do everything I could to not pay for his motorcycle and trip, not to be mean about it, but to save money to fix the sink and whatever else you may need. You need to set priorities together, but I know that's a lot easier said than done.
1 person likes this
@scarlet_woman (23463)
• United States
28 Apr 08
i would be extremely pissed if i were you.
you have every right to be angry.home repairs come first,or you deal with the potential damage to the home later.
i have this arguement with one of my family every single month.everytime something breaks down,either i pay for it,or it doesn't get fixed.
@sunkissed (4330)
• United States
28 Apr 08
Well yes, I would be very angry if I were you. Friends are friends, but I would never spend that kind of money on a friend, when i had a family.I would never hear the end of it. He should at least gotten the sink sprayer fixed for you, that does not cost that much money..I am wondering how much these friends spent on your husband for his birthday!!Did it even compare to what he spent on them? He already knows that his bike will get fixed and his trip will be paid for, so I suppose he is not worried about that now.. LOL
1 person likes this
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
28 Apr 08
I may be the wrong person to answer this, but YES I would be very angry..My husband also wants to give out money when he comes into it and just recently I stopped him from doing that.. Because he got hit a couple of weeks ago, he got this insurance check..We were talking and he mentioned how this one guy who was the father of our daughters friend, had taken our old pickup to his house about 3-4 years ago when it broke down and then after some time of realizing we would never have the money to fix it, we told the guy to go ahead and junk it..
Well my husband started complaining how we should have donated it and gotten a tax break from it and how he had just put new tires on it..Then I mentioned that even if this guy did take the good parts, he did keep our pickup at his house for over a year, no other place would do that for free..Then my husband did a complete turn around because we haven't heard from this guy since, (could it be that the girls are no longer in school and no longer talking?), so he said maybe he should go to his house and give him 100.00 for doing that for him..
What???
So I got to watch him, he will complain and then if I am not careful, he will turn and do the extreme opposite..
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
29 Apr 08
You have the every sense of the word to be angry. Sorry to say this, but I think your husband has put off so many things just to help his friends out. You really need to have a serious talk with him, because he might be jeopardizing your family financial situation in future if he keeps on his "generous" tab.
I'm a guy and I have tons of friends but I certainly must know how to prioritize when friends come and ask me for help in terms of $$, I can't be giving them all, knowing that I would not have enough for me or my family (parents).
Don't be so sad. Do solve this matter carefully with him and talk things through. We are all here for you.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
29 Apr 08
lady m yes I think you do have a right to be ticked off. Does your husband by any chance belonged to the Good neighor sam club where they all are supposed do something nice for a neighbor? maybe its time you and hubby had a ittle chat about money.tell him how you feel about that and see if you and he can work things out so he spends some of any found money on himself for a change.
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
30 Apr 08
We have been here before. This is not the first time he has done something like this. I also tried to talk to him about it when he gave the $700 gift. He just says it is his money and he will do what he wants with it, and he wanted to get this specific gift for his friend, and that was that. But there have been times in the past where he has been way to generous, but this is really extreme.
@paulw33 (297)
• United States
28 Apr 08
well yes you do have a right he should be spending the money on you or hisself or the house he shouldnt be buying presents like that unless you guys are rich and have everything allready i could see uying a friend a 20 dollar thing or something for his birthday but 1200 thats crazy i would be mad
@yudishtira (136)
• Indonesia
29 Apr 08
Every family is one smallest government, and one of the best governments is democratic government. Communications are very important part to make any decisions on a family. Your husband must understand that he was a head of a family, think with priorities between family, himself, or his friend's needs. Also, he should communicate to you what he want to do next. And as wife, you should communicate with him what you think is wrong, tell him what the risk if he did it. Maybe in the last you and your husband make those mistakes, but both of you must understand, you are family. Everything must be communicated to make any decisions.
You're right if you angry, same as me as a husband if my wife spend too much money. But these mistakes already happened, I think it may spend our energy, even stressed just to get angered. The better way is fix these mistakes for future, and make sure not happened again.
@sunshinelady (7609)
• United States
29 Apr 08
You do have the right to be angry. I would be furious. Buying his friends gifts is one thing but the amount he gave them to me is unreal. Did you discuss with him after he did this the first time and remind him his bike is broken and the trips were coming up. Remind him those things are coming up also. It might not do any good to discuss with him but I would give it a try. It sounds like he only thinks in terms of things he wants to do when he comes into money. He doesn't look at the overall picture. That is a picture is hard for me to comprehend. Spending that much on a friend. It boggles my mind. If you were a rich person that would be different. But a average working person giving that much blows my mind. Yes, you do have a right to be angry.
@magrylouyu (1627)
• United States
29 Apr 08
I'm sorry, but yes you have every single right to be angry! I would let my husband know what he did was "wrong". I know he is just trying to help friends in need but when your own house needs fixing that's more important because he just basicly threw away 1900 bucks! Not one penny went for what YOU needed. I can understand him taking maybe $300 to help but not all that money. Tell your husband how you feel. Tell him it wasnt fair that now you guys have to go without. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@Ricardosan (215)
• United States
29 Apr 08
Well first of all I think it's a good thing to buy his friends such nice gifts. But then considering the situation, he should have at least saved some of the money for family matters. Since it's his money, just tell him nicely next time to consider spending part of his money for something else.
Hope it helps.
Have a nice day!
