My oldest child
By Deblwest
@Deblwest (98)
United States
April 29, 2008 4:41pm CST
I have spent 17 years raising my son. I tried so hard to do good by him befor and after my divorce. I never gave up no matter how broke we became. We still had Christmas, birthdays, school sports, and sleep overs- Ramen was a favorite...as it was and is cheap and feeds the friends without complaint.
The last 10 years my son has made a small hand ful of friends that I have watched grow with him. They are my boys. Each of them has turned out differently and I am proud of all of them.
My son is an A student, super SAT and WASL scores. Top 10 in junior high. The last 2 years of highschool he has lost interest in teachers, learning, and the whole highschool idea. He spends most of his time at home after school; he does not party, he does not get into trouble, his friends come over and they play video games, his girlfriend lives with us (in her own room) and he is content. He is not going to graduate this year due to failure to complete most of his work. I was angry for most of this last year, grounding him, lecturing, lecturing, and yes lecturing. To no avail, he is not graduating. I bought the cap and gown and announcements that will not be used.
We have decided that he will get his GED and take his knowledge to the next level- college. I am hoping the environment with all ages will stimulate him more. He does not flow with the HS drama...He thinks drinking and drugging students are stupid. He is unique and amazing-he has a great personality, he is funny, loving, smart, a good big brother and so much more. He will succeed...
Did you ever think that your son/daughter that was going to be the one to succeed would not graduate from highschool? Not me.
1 person likes this
3 responses
@hansmell (5)
• Saint Lucia
30 Apr 08
my son is 10yrs.old i try my best but it's never enough ....he's in grade 6 ...ready to go to junior high and shows no interest. i encourage him as much as i can,tell him that it's his future not mine and without an education there's no moving forward.i'm up to my wits but i love him very much and i guess i'm going to keep on trying with him
1 person likes this
@Deblwest (98)
• United States
30 Apr 08
Please do not give up. It is very common for boys in the 6th, 7th, and 8th to lose interest and get frustrated with teachers and adults.
I have found through trial and error that lecturing makes it worse. I have my 17 year old, 15 year old daughter and a 6th grader also a girl. I have made mistakes and learned.
I can tell you what is helping me. Make a deal with him such as if he likes video games. Say I will sit with you for 30 minutes at the table and do my best to help with your homework and you can go play your games when we are done. Or change it up for what he likes to do. I have found if I give my personal time it encourages my kids. I know time is hard to come by, I work full time and am raising 5 kids. But it is necessary. Try not to take what they are going through with friends and all that to heart.
Once he is in Junior high it will be new teachers and friends all over again. Our junior high told the students that no matter what grade they got they would still get into highschool. Imagine what I had to work with D's and F's. Not fun. I also make my kids one on one go with me shopping for groceries- sneak in a little talk time in the car or at the store about stuff. I do not prod too much but keep it casual and be really interested in even the silly stuff.
My son shares alot with me either about his breakdancing, school good and bad stuff, his girlfriend and video games. Yes I play those with all of my kids too. I also listen to thier music which ranges from Rap to Rock...
Good Luck....And thank you for your comment...
1 person likes this
@littletaina (7)
• United States
30 Apr 08
I think you sound like a great mother and you have done and been there for your son. He is going through something but with your support he will get through it. I am a single mom of a wonderful 3 year old and sometimes i think if there will be a time when i will not be able to provide for her. what will be of Christmas and birthdays? reading that it can be done and still have a wonderful son as you do gives me hope. You cared and have given him all. You both will make it through this and he will find his path. As long as he has your support and love i am sure he will succeed.
Hang in there! and much luck to both of you.
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@Deblwest (98)
• United States
30 Apr 08
Thank you for your comment. I think if you teach your son now at the young age how things are but do it in a way that shows them to work through things and do it together that it helps.
One Christmas I had next to no money and I took my 4 kids to the store to look at things they might want. My son was about 12 at the time. His sister kept pointing at everything she wanted. My son reached over and wispered to her " mom can only get us one so pick a small gift so she wont be sad"
It was such a proud moment that he got it and a sad one at the same time because he had to get it. Ya know what I mean?
Today my daughter missed the school bus and he gave her a $1 to catch the city bus. She was mad because she wanted a ride instead- He explained it is cheaper to take the bus than drive and waste gas at $3.65 gallon. Wow.
Spend as much time as you can with your child; even if you work and struggle. Thirty minutes after dinner just watching a dum show, playing inside or out, coloring, talking, what ever. It doesn't matter at what age ! IT makes a difference. Take Care!!
@thebeaddoodler (4262)
• Lubbock, Texas
30 Apr 08
It sounds like you've done a superb job of raising your son. I'm glad he's decided that he will get his GED and go on to college. I have 3 extremely bright grandsons (they're not brothers, they're cousins). Two of them did not do well in school. They learn by doing, not from books. School bored them. The oldest one finally got his parents consent to drop out of high school and get his GED. He had a few weeks to prepare for the test and passed in the top 10 in his class. He scored high enough in several subjects to enter college on a sophomore level. Public school just did not challenge him.
It sounds like that's what is going on with your son. Also his peers are too immature for him. He outgrew them. . .skipped over the stupid phase. He will do well in life because his mother pays attention to what's going on in his life and guides him.
Kudos!
@Deblwest (98)
• United States
30 Apr 08
Thank you. My ex seems to think that if he raised him that he would have turned out better and a future doctor with a house on the hill..Ya know what I mean.
When his dad told him that he said "my mom did fine, I don't want to be a doctor. I want a 9 to 5 job so I can be a dad to my kids"
It was meant to get a point a cross to his dad who has not shown much interest in raising him.
Alot of people judge me as a parent and say I should have done a better job. What they do not understand is that they are not me, they did not have multiple jobs raising kids without help from family or the financially. Everyone is different and everyone does the best they can with the tools they have.
I think you are right about his out growing everyone.
Thank you again!
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