It takes a village ---idiot

hi friend, welcome to mylot. Seems you have kicked off lotting with a big bang :) if i am in your situation, i would ask those kids to go home early and try to make my kids understand the situation. from their parents behavior itself, you know those kids are not very good. so, try to avoid them...

You are definately not a bad person, but you really need to put your foot down with these kids to make sure they know you are not giving away free food everyday at 6. I would tell the kids that they have to leave at a certain time and they can only come back after a certain time. I would also say that they have to go home each night at say 7 or so. Personally, I love the fact that my son has friends, but I also love my privacy and quiet time. My son is only 3 1/2 right now, so I don't have kids coming over, but I know I will soon. We are moving in a month and there are 3 boys living next door, so I can imagine my quiet time will soon be done with. If the kids don't listen to the "rules" then I would let the parents know that their children are not allowed over until after dinner. It's not asking for much. Food is expensive enough as it is, especially for a single mother. 2 extra mouths to feed 2+ times a week can add up! I know boys can eat.

I have lived in my neighborhood for about 8 years and have faced this problem quite a bit. I love to share and I don't mind the kids hangin out a bit, but i get a little sick of it some times. What we do now, is put the kids to work. When they come over, we decide it is time to plant, weed the garden, clean out the shed! As far as the food issue, I too am a single Mom. I think what you did was right on. Offer to share what you can but also draw a line! I also had a family that would send their kids over, then ride by and say they are just running to the store, once they took 6.5 hours at a store about 2 miles away! Then one day, I knew they were moving out of state and the kids showed up, they rode by, said they were running to the store, I stopped them and told them that we were leaving and that they should take their kids with them.. I am not looking for extra kids...... that same family, my daughter was going to spend the night with them, but their mother said she would have to bring her own food. I was feeding these kids an average of 5 days a week. This was the first of my education!

First I'd like to welcome you to mylot! I hope you enjoy it here. Boy that is a hard place to be in. I would go back and talk to the father and/or mother and set out times that are good for the kids to visit and when it is off limits for them to come. I tell my DD friends they should call first. I also make her call to her friends house before she can go over there. Even the family that told us she is always welcome will be asked before she just shows up. You will have to be firm. If they knocked on my door before we were done eating, I wouldn't let them in. If they did not knock, they get sent out to knock and I'd still tell them they could come back in 1 hour or whatever. Remember that if these kids are outside each evening alone they are in need of role models! They need a good person to listen to them and interact with them. Please do not push them away no matter what your budget, I am sure you have enough extra love to give them. You might even find out that their situation is worse than you think and be in a position to help them.

You are not being a bad mother at all. I am a single mother as well so I know how tight money can be. There is a little boy across the street from us that did the same thing. He was always over and wanted to eat with us constantly. I felt bad for him for awhile because his parents did not spend much time with him. But it started to become a everyday thing. I finally started going to the door if he came while we were eating and told him he would have to come back later. If I got ready to cook and he was there I would tell him it was time to go home and we would see him later. It took a little while of being firm but he finally got the point. If they continue I would talk to the parents.

This is a tricky one. I would try to get to know the other parents, just a little bit. You don't have to be friends with them, just be on speaking terms to set ground rules and find out a little about their parenting style. You don't want to discourage your kids from making new friends in a new place. And you don't want to make these little children feel bad for wanting to play around a loving home, food, and a place where they get attention. I would watch for warning signs. If the father makes you uncomfortable, there is probably a reason for that. Maybe buy some cheap snacks to have incase they come over. It may be the only food they get.

First I'd like to welcome you to mylot! I hope you enjoy it here. Boy that is a hard place to be in. I would go back and talk to the father and/or mother and set out times that are good for the kids to visit and when it is off limits for them to come. I tell my DD friends they should call first. I also make her call to her friends house before she can go over there. Even the family that told us she is always welcome will be asked before she just shows up. You will have to be firm. If they knocked on my door before we were done eating, I wouldn't let them in. If they did not knock, they get sent out to knock and I'd still tell them they could come back in 1 hour or whatever. Remember that if these kids are outside each evening alone they are in need of role models! They need a good person to listen to them and interact with them. Please do not push them away no matter what your budget, I am sure you have enough extra love to give them. You might even find out that their situation is worse than you think and be in a position to help them.

this is a hard one my son was little and the boy next door was the same age and he and his older brother came over every morning while I was feeding my kids and I gavein and gave them each an egg and toast and milk.the younger child told me he had never had milk his mom gave him orange crush for breakfast.she was a barmaid who worked until three in the monring and slept al day.the kids were supposed to go to his aunts for their breakfast but never made it over there although theylived just across the street. I was also on a tight budget and did not know what to do but myhubbie called welfare and reported that these children were not being feed and welfare told him that they had grandparents living just two blocksover who would love to feed those kids so we found the grandparents and they sought custody of those two sweet little guys and they got them as their mom lois was up on child neglect and it appeared she just did not careshe was a very pretttywoman but also a boozer and she said she did not want the kids. .sad case.

Hello and welcome to mylot. I am sure you will enjoy yourself here. I see you have already gotten a lot of great advice and input. You are between a rock and a hard place, a pool of piranhas below and a spiked ceiling above. You are a great person with a big heart like most parents. I would feel obligated to make sure these kids are taken care of and not being neglected. That being said, you are not in the position to do so. The cost of living has increased a ridiculous amount (I don't have to tell you that) I can only imagine how hard it is to be a single mom, my husband works on the road, so emotionally and physically i am single while he's gone. However, I do get the benefit of the extra paycheck unlike yourself. So I bow to you and any other single parents out there.. you are doing a great job. As many people have suggested, and you already know there have to be limits. You might want to talk to both parents and explain your situation. Tell them you don't mind if they come over for an hour every other day (or whatever works best for you) and stand by it. If they come to your house on a day not allowed.. walk with them back to their house, knock on the door, and make sure someone answers. Smile and tell them the kids must have forgot that today wasn't their day. Make sure they go back into the house. You might also want to talk to your other neighbors to find out how they handle it. If your neighbors say it happens a lot, then you know they are neglected If this continues to be a problem, you and your neighbors should make an anonymous call to the authorities and tell them you think the kids might be neglected. Hopefully, the parents will get the hint WAY before it has to go as far as I have suggested. Good luck and keep us posted.

I dont think you're a bad person for not wanting to feed the kids.It's not as if you're being mean it's just that you're not comfortable with the situation. But i do believe that you should explain to the parents the way you run things with your kids.That way the kids feelings wont get hurt.It's strange to me that parents would just lock their kids out of the house without looking for them.As far as the food is concerned, maybe they aren't getting enough at home.I'm not going to say feed them because you may just be opening a door you can't close.But i would do some investigating, just to be sure of what i'm getting into. Good luck with this one.