is having one child not good enough?
By desireeo
@desireeo (595)
Philippines
May 2, 2008 3:31am CST
i have one daughter and she's 2yrs old now. whenever i bump into old friends they'd always ask me when i'm gonna have another child. everytime i tell them i don't want another child they'd always gasp and say "oh no, that's so lonely for your child". well, i just say that coz i don't have any plan of adding another stork to the family coz financial wise i can't afford it yet. besides, motherhood is not as easy as it seems. even now, i still have a hard time adjusting my schedules. it's a full time job and my hands are tied. i don't know what will come in the future but if it is up to me alone i don't want to get pregnant again. does that make me a bad mom?
i am very close to my siblings and i'm happy i have the two of them coz i can always count on them during hard times. they're always there to share with me the good times too. we always have a good laugh everytime we get together. i want my daughter to experience that kind of bond too. but, in these times where the cost of living is skyrocketing always and the world is kinda messy to live in, i think one child is practical enough. i don't know. maybe, i'll change my mind. for now, i just want to give my child the best life possible.
4 people like this
21 responses
@ruthinian (2309)
• United States
2 May 08
I don't think so. I just lost a child through miscarriage and it was my first. I married late, just last year and I am 43 years old. If I could have only one child I would be very happy. People sometimes don't think when they talk. They just say things that don't really matter just for the sake of making a conversation. Or maybe they are just plain tactless. It's up to you if you want to have one kid or not. Don't be bother with what people would say. It's your life. Cheers.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
2 May 08
Hi desireeo, You are not a bad mom, but you sound like a very practical one. At the same time, the fact that you have siblings that you enjoy spending time with, may be telling you something. I personally feel that it is good for a child to have at least one sibling, but not everyone feels the same, and you have a point about the high cost of living. After my parents passed away, it was great to have siblings, we helped each other so much. Today, I have two brothers and one sister living, and what a blessing they are. We are a very close family, and have many good memories. On the other hand, one cannot miss what they have never had. Of course, it really does work out to your choice in the end, no matter what anyone says. We live in a very different world today then the one that I grew up in. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@danzer (2723)
• Philippines
2 May 08
Children are a heritage from the Lord. It's normal for women to bear children. It's biblical because it's one of God's command, to forth and multiply. Therefore, my belief is that people should not be limiting themselves to whatever number God wants a couple to have. If God allows many children, then I believe He will provide for them. Yes, life is difficult but God has always His way. What is lacking in us is Faith!
@Sillychick (3275)
• United States
2 May 08
God also gave us free will to decide for ourselves how many children we want to have. He also gave us the intelligence to learn how to prevent unwanted pregnancy.
1 person likes this
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
2 May 08
You are definitely not a bad mother. Some people want only one child, some want ten. Who is to say or judge the number of children that is right for anyone. Your child can have just as good a life, if not sometimes better, than having three. You not wanting another child doesn't reflect on your mothering in any bad way. If anything you are thinking correctly. You don't wanna bring another one into the world unless you are securely stable finacially and the truth is, that prices are skyrocketing and the world isn't that great a place anymore. There is way to much crime and violence. I have three children and although I love them more than life, i sometimes wonder what i have brought them into. You be the best mother you can be to the one you have and don't let anyone tell you that you not having anymore is not right. We all have a choice as to how many children we want or have. For some it's none, for some it's two, and for some it's twenty. I, myself, sometimes have difficulty with the three I have and wouldn't want anymore. Some just have more patience and can handle a football team running around the house. LOL! You do what you think is best! God bless
1 person likes this
@MAMABLAZE (242)
• United States
2 May 08
That seems to be an age old question for if you have one child of course you are going to have more. Right?? I have been asked the same thing many times. My husband makes good money and we do not live high on the hog but we never seem to have enough. We do have debt but I don't see how many people have what they do and still make it by. Our daughter has been given more than what her friends have and still doesn't have everything she needs. We wanted to have more than one child but I just don't see how we could afford it. People do not seem to understand this though...Mamablaze!!
1 person likes this
@muscare (3068)
• Australia
3 May 08
You are not a bad mum, you are a very good mum. You've already said that financially you can't afford it, and rather than stretching the budget any more, you can support your daughter a lot better, both physically and emotionally. As you say, parenting isn't an easy job, and some deal with it better than others, but you know how you feel.
My wife and I have one son, who is five, and right from when he was born we decided we didn't want anymore. We wanted to be able to spend as much quality time with him as we could, and we've never been happier. We also went through the 'When's the next one due?' routine with just about everyone that knew us, with some even saying only children are weird! Well, my son is very well adjusted, and everyone likes him, especially his teachers at school. So whatever your decision is, whether one child is the way you want it to stay, or things change in the future and you decide to have more, it is your decision, and you have every right to be happy with it, without any criticism from anyone else!
@bluishrose (2289)
• Philippines
2 May 08
I definitely agree with in regards to practicality. The cost of living right now is not really good and 1 child is enough. Your child won't feel lonely as long as you give her all the attention and best in life. Just let her be socially active and close to relatives.
@CherylsPearls (1269)
• United States
3 May 08
Perfectly good enough! I was an only child and I don't feel like I missed anything. I was never lonely. I don't think most only children are. It's just a false perception. My Mom had 5 sisters and a brother. She has said lots of times she always wished she was an only child! lol
I think you're very smart to consider your time and income when thinking of adding to your family. Most people don't bother. And you know, it's totally up to you. My Dad used to drive me nuts wanting me to get married again and have more children. My Dad was so shocked when I finally told him that even if I did marry again, I didn't want more children! lol
You sound like a really good Mom! Great going!
@only1shi (404)
• United States
3 May 08
i think that you should do what you feel is right for your family. if you are barely staying afloat with one child, then why confuse things even further with more children. you're not a bad parent for not wanting more kids. if anything, you have your daughter's interests at heart by deciding not to struggle financially more than you need too.
i have a daughter who is nine months old. and believe me, people have been asking me from before she was born when we're planning to have another one. people always want to know when you're expanding your family. for those that don't approve of your decision, you ought to tell them to sponser your next child!
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
3 May 08
Desireoo it does not make you a bad mom but an intelligent
one as the cost of living is really high right now and
taking care of one child is enough for many young couples t
these days.You alone know just what you can afford and
it is not up to otheres to fuss at you for your decisions
So many people have children like rabits and not the funds to feed and clothe that many children hence they have to go on welfare.better to take care of one child and give it all you can than to raise more kida than you can afford.
@tjades (3591)
• Jamaica
2 May 08
I dont have any kids yet but I know what you mean about the mess this world is in and the rising cost of living. Children are by no means easy to rare and they are very costly. I do not want to be unable to provide for my child/children adequately so if finances is a problem for me i rather not have any kids or just one as well.
I know of couples who have concerns like you do and are in no hurry to have children but rather enjoy each other as they try to get into a better financiall position. I know what is like to constantly have to do with stuff as there were five of us. I hated it and do not want any child of mine to have to face it as well. They certainly wont be spoilt but I dont want them bing denied of things because I cant afford it.
From that stand point I say to you...live your life for you. You know your aims and ambition as well as what you can cope with. I want two children but if its going to be a strain then one will do. The cousins will have to make up for the non-existnt sibling. Non of my siblings seems set on having more than two. (lol)
@RedFeather (427)
• United States
2 May 08
you are being very responsible.
your child will not be lonely, unless you live in the middle of nowhere - and have no family, friends or neighbors.
i have known plenty of well adjusted only children.
just by knowing you are spread thin enough emotionally and financially, you are doing what is best for for your whole family.
just think - your daughter may never have to say "you like my brother/sister more than me"
please don't feel pressured into doing anything that you cannot justify - if you are close to YOUR siblings - couldn't your daugter be just as close to her COUSINS?
@alkhan77 (21)
• New Zealand
3 May 08
belive me you make agood choice i have 3kids actually well one is 9 and big. ihave 2 more one is 3 and other one is 1year. its hard to keep up. i always feel iam not giving both of them enough time. no it doesnt make you abad mum. you made awise decision
@livewyre (2450)
•
2 May 08
I too have just one daughter, we started our 'family' quite late in life and it would be too much hard work to raise another child, and as you say, it will be expensive. I have heard people say they hated being an only child, so we have gone out of our way to make sure our little girl gets a lot of social interaction. It's not right to have a child just because you think your child might want a sibling, you should only have a second child if you REALLY want one! I sometimes think it would be nice, but honestly if you have one healthy happy child, then you should be happy to stay that way if you want to. I also would rather give one child all of my attention and love rather than have to share resources around many children... Better to raise one child to the best of your ability and resources that to be stretched to breaking point.
@Sillychick (3275)
• United States
2 May 08
I have one child and plan to keep it that way. Frankly, I'm tired of justifying my decision and shouldn't have to. There is nothing wrong with having only one. My decision is partly because of finances, but also I feel like I can be a better mom to my son than I could with more children.
Rest assured, I know plenty of people who were raised as only children, or who are parents of only children. There are definite perks. Don't let people pressure you or make you doubt your decision. Your daughter will go to school and make friends. She will form relationships and bonds with other people. Siblings aren't the only ones you can be close with. In fact, there are no guarantees that siblings will be close at all. I know people- adults- who don't even speak to their siblings, but have other friends who are very close. I am closer with my friends than my siblings sometimes.
Have confidence in your decision. When people tell you that you should have more, simply smile and ignore them. They don't know what is best for your family- you do.
@ruby222 (4847)
•
2 May 08
Well why should you feel bad for just having the one child,thats your choice,and im sure as long as you feel happy with it its ok.Some people can just be plain silly,if they want more children then let them carry on,but you just do as you like!As you say the schedule with a little one is hectic ,its never ending,always things to thin k about.We were just going to have one child,my hubby just wanted the one,he said tthat was fine for him,but it was me in the end decided that i would like more ,and lo and behold we ended up having twins!i wouldnt change it all for the world now,but at the time it was so very very hard work.
@jesbellaine (4139)
• Philippines
2 May 08
No, that is not true. My boyfriend is also an only child;And I can say that he is very happy as a kid. He do have lots of cousins to play with as a kid. Evenso, his parents was able to give him all the things that a kid needs from his parents.
I agree with you that you shouldn't have another baby on the way if we are not financially stable. I would rather have one child then be able to give all his needs in the future than having 2-3 kids but I can't afford them to give a good future.
So, don't worry. Maybe someday if you are really financially stable, you will want another baby on the way. If not, that is alright, you already have one child to nourish and take care.
Cheers!
