For Moms Of 3 or More
By katsmeow1213
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
United States
May 3, 2008 9:01am CST
Has anyone ever mentioned to you how difficult they have it with their 1 or 2 kids? Has that ever made you want to say, "Yeah? Try having 5!"?
Understandably, some kids are more difficult than others, especially disabled children, one alone is enough to handle, but I'm talking about moms who have one or two typical, healthy children, but just seem to think they have it so rough!
I remember something that happened to me a few years ago. I had six month old twins! I was standing at the bus stop getting my five year old off to school while two other moms were having a conversation. One of the moms had a newborn, her second child. Mom A asked Mom B what was it like to transition from 1 child to 2. Mom B complained for 15 minutes how difficult it is to leave the house now with her five year old and newborn. She went on and on about how life is no longer as easy as it was when she had 1 semi- self sufficient child.
Through out this conversation I bit my tongue, but all the while I was thinking "Why is no one asking me how difficult it was to transition from 1 child to 3 in the blink of an eye?". Yes, newborns are difficult, but try having 2 at the same time!
Then there were the moms who had a toddler and newborn who tried to tell me they understood how I felt having twins. Um, no you don't! Toddlers generally sleep through the night, they can hold their own bottle, they can eat finger foods themselves, they can entertain themselves. They know a few words and are better at letting you know what they need. I currently have a toddler and newborn, so yes, I know both sides of the story. Trust me, a toddler and newborn is a million times easier than 2 newborns!
I have five kids. I know there are people who have children more difficult than mine, but I really don't see what a mom of 1 or 2 has to complain about!
14 responses
@whittear (110)
• United States
4 May 08
I don't hear that too often but I know what you mean!I hate it too when friends who don't have children or only have 1 or 2 don't understand that it's not so easy for me to just pick up and go do something on a whim. I also hear ALL the time things like "You have your hands fulls!" because my children are 4 years old, almost 20 months old and 2 months old right now. It really gets annoying. It's also annoying if I happen to mention that I want another child because of the looks I get then and the comments about how crazy I must be.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
5 May 08
So True! I get that so much, I also hear things like "Oh God Bless You" I'm thinking, "Yeah, He already did, He can stop now!"
I got quite annoyed when I found out I was pregnant for my fourth, a friend of mine's response to the news was "Ouch, how are you going to afford that?" and my husband's aunt said "Are one of you gonna get fixed after this?"
To make matters worse, my husband was fixed before the fifth, so we got a lot of comments about the possiblity that I cheated. His own sister said "Did you beat up the mailman yet?"
@whittear (110)
• United States
5 May 08
That's rough. I don't think people realize how comments like that come off even when they are trying to joke with you. The first thing my mom said when we told her our 3rd was on the way was "I hope you get some birth control after this one." Yeah, nice to know you are excited for us!
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
5 May 08
My own mother was very supportive. She knew I wasn't happy when I found out I was pregnant with my fourth (she passed before I became pregnant with the 5th). I told her I was upset, and basically I guess I was apologizing to her for the whole situation, because I assumed she'd show disappointment as my friends did. Instead she told me a story about how her mother was upset with her for becoming pregnant with one of her children. She told me how that made her feel so awful and she would never do that to anyone else. Even though I was disappointed in myself, she was proud of me.
BTW, the disappointment is long gone and I love my children with all my heart. It was just very shocking to face an unplanned pregnancy.
@anawar (2404)
• United States
4 May 08
I have three grown kids and I will never forget the woman who told me there was no difference between having two children and three! Oh, was she ever wrong. My kids were 5 years old, 19 months old and a newborn. 'Phew, I was exhausted every minute of every day.
My sister had unexpected twins. Noone knew there was a second baby until the first one was born! The doctor had already left the room!
I remember visiting her, and both babies were crying at the same time. I asked her how she knew which baby to help first? She said she took turns. One time she picks up one twin, and the next crying time she picked up the other twin.
My mom had five children and I think we drove her insane.
Any mother who raises five children is an expert on just about every subject. Congrats to you for working so hard to be a great mom.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
5 May 08
Thank you. I don't consider myself a GREAT mom, I do the best I can.
I don't believe any woman will understand what it's like until they go through it themselves, or are close to someone who goes through it.
One of my neighbors is about to have her fifth child, but she still gives me more credit as her children are 17, 14, 9 and 7. Mine are all 10 and under.
I completely understand what your sister went through. That's exactly what I had to do when my twins were newborns, and it was very hard to listen to one cry knowing I couldn't do anything until I settled the first one.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
5 May 08
That is sad, I am sorry to hear that. Who ended up raising her twins?
@meshellrose (286)
• United States
4 May 08
I have 3 kids, none twins, but I understand about the people saying..I can't even take care of 1..ugh. Someone told me yesterday that she was pissed b/c her in-laws didn't pick up her 2 yo at noon, they didn't get her til 3. And then proceeded to tell me that gas costs too much for them to keep her for just one night, that she's gonna drop her off on friday's til sunday after church. I was like you should be thankful they want to keep her at all. I'm never away from my children unless my husband watches them. Sorry, just venting away...lol.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
4 May 08
Oh yeah, that's another thing that makes me nuts, people who get rid of their kids like every weekend! I haven't had time off from my kids (aside from hubby watching them) in about 5 years, that was when hubby was in the hospital and my sister in law took the kids overnight.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
4 May 08
I do not envy you at all, I have four children and they were individuals and they were hard enough but I cannot think what it must be like to get two for the price of one!! Each time I was pregnant I used to think, I really hope there is only one in there because twins runs in both sides of my hubbys and I families and if I had got twins I really do not think I would cope. So hats off to you my friend!!
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
4 May 08
Well that's a first. Most people I talk to, who don't have twins, always say "OH, it must be so cool to have twins! I always wanted twins!" I always tell them they can have mine and I bet they'll be giving them back in less than a week. LOL!
@jalucia (1431)
• United States
21 May 08
I think that once you get beyond one child life becomes a whole lot more complicated. We each have our own threshold, or what we think we can handle. And, it's funny how after each child the idea of what you think you can handle increases. when you have two children you think they're gonna drive you crazy, when you have three children you think they're gonna drive you crazy, and so on. But, you just get stronger and never do actually go crazy. I actually think that newborns are easier than toddlers because newborns sleep all the time. Once they start talking and walking they demand a whole lot more attention. They are constantly getting into things, asking and wanting for things, they begin to fight with each other and develop their own personalities. It's wonderful to see your child grow in these ways, but they need your constant supervision and guidance. Newborns sleep more than half of their life away. Now that I have kids I sympathize with any parent because I know, firsthand, the emotional, physical and financial toll even one child can take on a person. Oftentimes, the first child is the hardest on a woman because she's inexperienced. By the time yo have your last child you're SuperMom. But, I have to admit that, knowing what I know today, having one child is a whole lot easier than having more than one. The mother with one child might not see it that way.
1 person likes this
@jalucia (1431)
• United States
21 May 08
Actually, I have a newborn right now. With each passing month, she sleeps less and less and is more and more of a busy body. You are sooo right, it doesn't get easier the older they get. There are new challenges around every corner. Even when they grow up and move out, they may not be so physically demanding on us, but I'm quite sure that they will get at us mentally and emotionally, maybe even financially.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
21 May 08
And how long has it been since you've had a newborn?
Every stage comes with it's own difficulties, and yes, adding more children does magnatize the difficulties. With my children, each one on his or her own can be perfect angels, but throw another in the mix and all heck breaks loose.
I find it funny that when my older children were babies and toddlers I kept looking forward to the next stage where I assumed things would be easier. Now that they are older, I truly enjoy the few hours while they are in school and I have just my toddler and infant.
Age does not bring less difficulties, only different ones.
Every stage comes with it's own difficulties, and yes, adding more children does magnatize the difficulties. With my children, each one on his or her own can be perfect angels, but throw another in the mix and all heck breaks loose.
I find it funny that when my older children were babies and toddlers I kept looking forward to the next stage where I assumed things would be easier. Now that they are older, I truly enjoy the few hours while they are in school and I have just my toddler and infant.
Age does not bring less difficulties, only different ones.
@shannonjyl (421)
• Canada
5 May 08
hi katsmeow1213, i have five kids. 17,16,14,13, 9..i have never really had anyone complain or compare their situation to mine..most likely because i was too busy too listen to their rants. when my husband and i started our family we were the first of our friends to do so. we lost a whole lot of friends because we had different priorities. we did not care or mind. i just could never imagine myself at the "bus stop" or at a kid's funtion, complaining or itching about how hard i have it..sure late at night i will swear silently into my pillow about "what the *ell was i thinking" but it was quickly forgot when a child climbs into bed next to you with their chubby huggind arms and cold feet!:)
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
5 May 08
Well, I think most moms have the right to complain now and then, I mean kids are kids and are often very stressful. I know I complain to my friends quite a bit, but it's more like sharing stories than complaining, because then it becomes "Oh, yep, mine do the same thing"
@jmcafam (2890)
• United States
3 May 08
Having twins has got to be a lot of work on top of having the other children. I have three children myself, no twins though. Those moms should have really asked you how you do it. I mean they have one new baby and another child. That is much easier than having two new babies and other children to deal with.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
3 May 08
Some moms do say things like "I don't know how you do it" but they finish the sentance with "I can't handle the 1 (or 2) I have"
That's what annoys me. I honestly don't think you really know what it's like to be a parent until you've had more than one that are close in age.
@carlaabt (3504)
• United States
20 May 08
I must admit, I'm one of those moms of one that you might get mad at if you heard me complain about my child. But if you really knew me and my situation, you might not get so mad. :)
On the outside I look like a fairly healthy 20 something mom, just overweight. In reality, I have a blood disease that leaves me feeling really tired all the time and causes me to HAVE to stop and take breaks when I'm doing stuff. I also have a curved spine and a shoulder that is easily dislocated. I'm in constant physical pain.
On top of that, I have a 2 year old that has been nicknamed Houdini by both babysitters he's had. My child climbed up on top of the refrigerator in the few minutes that my husband left him alone in the kitchen while he went pee! He fell out of his crib for the first time at nine months. He's known how to open doors on his own since he was 17 or 18 months old. He can open child proof caps already. And the list goes on. Most of my friends that have more than one kid say that it's easier to watch both or all three of their kids than it is to take care of my one. Luckily mine does listen pretty well when we tell him to stop doing something, or he would have probable killed himself by now!
Anyway, I have no doubt that it would be much harder to raise 4 or 5 kids than it is to raise just my one, but it really is hard for me to just raise him as well.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
20 May 08
Your son sounds a bit like my twins. At 8 months old they were climbing out of their cribs and into the other twins crib so they could be together. They also pushed metal chairs across carpet to climb onto the counter tops and get into the locked cupboards. They never met a lock or baby gate they couldn't break through.
Things are better now that they are 5, my current toddler isn't nearly as bad as they were.
I in no way meant to discredit moms who really do have challenging children. I just think there are too many moms who complain needlessly, and in front of the wrong people.
@febinsoft (213)
• India
4 May 08
nine think it is difficult to maintain and that there are so many things like to be the one here that transition from 1ยข and finally a new one. Station seems to be in this thing and may even be in hosting the street. Neither nine ers' and in line, and y
@magrylouyu (1627)
• United States
8 May 08
I completely hear you on this! I am only 22 with 3 under 5! My step-son will be 5 in June, my oldest daughter is 4 and my youngest is 3. I have been rasising my setpson since he was 2 years old. It is very hard. I just want to scream when moms with only one child are like "OHHH it's so hard." or "I just cant seem to find the time anymore." I'm sorry but what's a shower!? I do not think I have had that since my children were born. Let alone have a real meal that consisted of more that mac and chesse and hot dogs. Yes it is annoying, but what are you going to do? My kids are a very big handful that's why I dont get breaks very often.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
8 May 08
Yeah, those moms just have no idea what it's like. Wait till they have a few more, then they'll wonder what were they complaining about.
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
16 May 08
Yes, I have three normal healthy children. And I feel that this is very rough on me. I have so much that I have to do. It does not matter if the child is different from the other, I still go through stress with each one of them. Sometimes, I will go through stress with all of them at one time.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
16 May 08
I know how that feels. Most days it seems like if it's not 1 it's another, but occasionally it's all of them at once. Aren't we so lucky it's almost summer vacation?!?
@edgyk8inmomma (2157)
• United States
10 May 08
I have four, and get things like this all the time. Especially from friends or aquaintences who have their kids in public school. They think I am either out of my mind or a saint for choosing to be with my kids all day. I have one who has two kids the same ages as my two oldest. She's said to me several times, I don't know how you do it, after a week, I'm ready to send them to their dad's...its sad if you ask me. I take it as a compliment, but than secretl grieve for these people. That they don't love their children enough to be able to tolerate them.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
10 May 08
I have to respectfully disagree with you. I don't think parents who complain about their children don't love them, and I don't think there's anything wrong with sending children to school.
I do give you the credit you deserve for home schooling your children. My neighbor does it with 6 children, and she's now homeschooling another neighbors child. I do tell her all the time that I don't know how she does it.
I love my children with all my heart, but I'd never choose to homeschool them, and it has nothing to do with how much I care about them. It is because I know the school can do a better job than I can. I am no super mom, and I do run short of patience, which is why I didn't go into the profession of teaching. I do my best to help them with homework, but there are times I have to tell them to bring the work back to school and ask the teacher for more help.
It has nothing to do with love or tolerance. Occasionally parents need a back up. There is an old saying "It takes a village to raise a child" well the school is part of the village.
@edgyk8inmomma (2157)
• United States
10 May 08
Oh hun, you misunderstood me. I don't think those who send their kids to school don't love them. I tried to word that correctly there, because its an often misconception. I was referring to those who can't wait to get rid of their kids, no matter where they are going..school, grandma's, dad's, friends whatever.
I also understand that homeschooling is not the right choice for every family. I know many people whose kids are better off in the school system. They either don't have the patience, the knowledge, or the income to be able to give their kids all of what they need.
Please don't misunderstand me. I try hard not to judge other people, because I know too much how it feels.
1 person likes this
@edgyk8inmomma (2157)
• United States
10 May 08
...Oh and to add to that. I also believe in the old addage myself. I have a great village to back me up. We have our co-op classes, and grandma(my mom) has been taking one at a time for a week or so. I do have to admit, its been nice to have just three at a time. But I'm ready for the vacations to be over for a while, and have all four of them back under one roof.
1 person likes this
@mammamuh (582)
• Sweden
6 May 08
I can admit that when I got my 2nd child it was way more work than it was having the third!
My first ones are 21 months apart and I got PPD after I had my 2nd - my first was/still is very "demanding" and took a lot of time, got up 4 am every morning - the 2nd one had colic and got to bed around midnight. It was the life of hell!
There are mothers of one that had a harder time than me when I had two, when I got my 3rd it didn't make it harder at all.
One of my best friends have 5 kids (in 8 years) and they have dad easy kids to deal with.
Another of my friends have one that got leukemia before he turned one - her life was like a hell for two years.
Yet another lost her oldest son in leukemia at age 4 and had a baby to take care of during all treatments. She just had two kids....
You can't judge people for complaining before you've lived their life.
@Shawchert (1094)
• United States
7 May 08
I think it's for a reason to complain about something.
I have a son and just one, I doubt i want anymore lol, but I do respect any woman who can take care of more than one and twins and triplets etc. That has to take massive patience that I myself know i don't have! I think I'm done for now mostly because I'm solo with my son, I alone have taught him most of what he knows so far, daycare helped with the rest. lol.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
6 May 08
I'm sorry things were so hard for you and your friends.
I know all children are different, and I did say that my comments only pertained to mothers of one or two "happy, healthy children". I do realize disabilities and illnesses are more difficult to handle.
@spring2008 (47)
• China
13 May 08
Yeah,i can understand that kind of experience what you said though i have only one child.In fact,though my son is easier to be cared than others,I still feel a bit tired,so i can imagine your fatigue when you have a toddler and newborn ,especially 2 at the same time.
