Help with dealing with parents breakup

I am so sorry wow that is a tough one, my parents broke up at 22 years of marriage, my dad remarried and my mom is now engaged to be married at some point but no date is set. It was EXTREMELY hard as I was in the middle of it. Mostly by my mom, sounds like you are in the same boat with your mom. YOu need to be strong and tell you mom she needs to either see a counselor to deal with this breakup, or that she needs to just not talk with you about it anymore. It will be very difficult. Heck it may even help you to see someone even if it is just ONE VISIT to talk with a counselor and find out what it is you can do to help yourself get out from the middle of it. It is very hard on the children, adult children too!

Everyday, there are a lot of families being broken because parents failed to make it work. It seems the easiest to do is to break up without thinking of their children. Of course your mom is hurt, she doesn't want the breakup. But your dad wants it because he's into another relationship. For 44 years of being together, he traded your family for someone. That's ridiculous! I think it might be better for you to help your mom. She has nowhere to go but you. Take care of her, love her to the end. Anyway, your dad has someone who will take care of her. Most importantly, if you are a believer in the Lord, fast and pray that your parents will be back with each other. If you are not, trust in the Lord to be your Saviour and ask Him to help your family. Cheer up!

wow.. 44 years is a long long time... parental breakups are always hard to deal with. ive been through what you are undergoing and i sympathize with you. i totally understand what you are going through. my parents also split up when my older sister was more or less 18 or 19 i think. but didnt officially break up last year of 07. they were unhappy i guess so there is no point in keeping them together if all they do around the house is shout at each other. its totally not healthy for us kids. and were 3 children. they would say 'dont get affected, its your moms problem and mine'. but you just cant help but get affected since your smack dab right in the middle of things. you just have to divert your mothers time with other things. she has to keep herself active and always do other things so she wouldnt think about things like that. you just have to be there for your mom since your dad has someone else.

It's not always because someone traded someone for someone else. Sometimes people are together when they shouldn't be. My parents got a divorce, they never should have married. They didn't make sense together, and their differences were too much. About how they wanted to live their lives and what was important to them. You need to explain to your mother, that regardless of what has happened, he's your father. You love them both, you understand she is hurting, but you need to let her know you are too. You need your father in your life, tell her that, you won't pick sides, you love both of your parents. If he has someone else in his life, who makes him happy, who is anyone to say that she can't come to your house? That would be pushing your father away, and you can't do that. You need to stand your ground. You're already dealing with their split, you don't need to lose one or the other.

I am so sorry to hear about your mom and dad's breakup. Being married for 44 years wow that's a long time. I honestly can say I don't blame you for not wanting to get caught in the middle of it all but how can you not your mom's suffering your dad is w/ someone else and you well have to hear about it and comfort all at the same time. When you told your mom and dad you didn't want to be caught in the middle of it anymore what did they say? did they respect your wishes? You really can't do much for your mom to mend her broken heart or get her to except the fact that your dada is w/ someone else. She needs to except it for herself first befor you can get her to except it. It'll take a while for her to heal of her broken heart. Good Luck.

I suspect what your mum is doing is normal for someone in her position. After 44 years of marriage, she's upset that your father is moving along so easy yet she is having a tough time letting go. I think no matter what you say, it will still take A LOT of time before she can move on without feeling the grief. It took mother-in-law a few years before she finally move on with the separation and it was really tough for my husband because she was always crying and ranting about my father-in-law to him and whenever my hubby spent more time with my father-in-law, my mother-in-law would throw a tantrum and so forth. Just wondering though - have you shared your feelings with anyone else in your family, someone who can talk to your mum about this? (Have you tried talking to her about this as well?)

Well this definitely sounds terrible and after 44years of togetherness, no wonder its tough for your mom. More than love and faith, she is facing the prospect of insecurity for her future and old age. There are two options for you. Either you encourage your mom to slowly mix with people her age in the hope that she may find love again or sit down with her and tell her calmly that whatever be your relations with your Dad, you would always be by your Mom’s side as long as she lives. You need not tell her everytime you talk to your Dad, you may have to lie too in order to soothe her frayed nerves but once things settle down, she will accept the situation better. Right now, she needs the comfort and assurance of somebody close and I guess you are the only one she has. So you will have to behave like the adult here and treat her like a child for some time to come.

I'm sorry to hear about that linda! I guess, you just need to always talk to your dad and mom and remind them it is not healthy for you anymore. I know how it is hard for your mom after 44 years, it is very painful for her plus she was sincere in the relationship so she is the one that can't move on right away! Always be with her, she needs you and from time to time, she will just slowly accept the fact that your dad has another girl already!

Hi linda345! I am so sorry that you have to go through that. I know it is hard to be caught in the middle. I think, you just have to be strong and wise for both of them and for your sake. Show them that you both love them and at the same time, let them heal especially your mother. Tell them how you feel. Open communication to both your mother and father will help ease your burden and the same time ease their burden too. It is really difficult to deal with situations like this but you all have to face the music and in time, all will be healed. You are always in my prayers dear friend. Take care and God bless!

Hi linda345, I'm sure that this has to be very difficult. After 44 years, you must have expected that they would always be together. I can see that you wouldn't want to be in the middle, and you have to make sure that your parents understand that you love them both. It is difficult for your mom now, but in time she will accept it and move on. Have patience with her and she must understand that you still love your dad. Blessings.

Even though you are an adult, it is not right that your mom is putting you in the middle. You are their child regardless and shouldn't feel like you have to choose, or that you are doing something wrong. I know that your mom is hurting but it just isn't fair to you what she is doing. I am sorry that I don't have advice for you. My own parents have been married 31 years this July. I would be heartbroken if they divorced and I am divorced and re-married myself!

this is not easy, this happened to us too. when i was around 20 years old my dad joined me in his band. then later i found out that one of the singers is his girlfriend. its been more than 14 years already since my dad left my mom but my mom is still in sadness. i am the first born of thefamily and i was the one who got married last. i lived with my mom until i was 28 i think.... but i have my own life to. i am married and have a son but my mom is still there. i dont know if she is hoping that one day my dad will come back, but i can see the joy in her eyes everytime my dad pays a visit.

I understand how depressing it would be your mom. I can feel how much she didn't want to up with your dad. I can imagine the 44 years of marriage then all of a sudden, the one you've been with walks away holding someone else's hand. On the other side, i know it has been such a difficult situation for your dad too. realizing that you're losing the loving feeling surely threatens and made him feel uneasy somehow. i know he never wanted to fall out of love but it just happened and i'm sad to say that we can't do much about it. let your dad go. after all, for all the love you feel for both of them, i can imagine that he's been so good to you. with regard to your mom, just be by her side. help her to heal and start anew. it won't be easy but i know that the time will come when she'll accept everything and move on. there's still a beautiful life ahead. :)

You're not the only one, Linda. My parents just got divorced after 29 years of marriage. They had a terrible relationship, so I was glad when they finally split. I wish they would have done it a long time ago. I did feel like I was in the middle for a while until I finally told my mom to stop putting me in the middle of her and my dad. She would ask me about what we talked about too like you said your mom does and it drove me crazy. I couldn't tell her that my dad already had a new girlfriend and was living with her (which didn't really bother me because they were good together). My mom seems like she's handling it well, but as soon as she found out my dad was living with someone, she went out and got engaged and let this guy move in with her that she had only been dating for a couple of months. They weren't even officially divorced yet and she was already engaged. My dad and his girlfriend, on the other hand, are not looking to get married or anything. They are just happy living together and being together. I would say that you should just let each of your parents know how you feel about the way that they treat you. Let your mom know that it bothers you that she puts you in the middle of her and your dad. Remind her that you are not the one dating, that your dad is. If she has a problem with it, recommend that she talk to him about it rather than you. After I told basically the same things to my mom and she still tried to talk about my dad, I would just change the subject and refuse to talk about it anymore and she eventually got the idea. It might be rough on you for a while, but it will eventually calm down.

You sounds simaler to me when my parents divorced. Of course it has been 10 years now. My father got remarried. They divorced after 36 years. It seems like such a waste. I wish i could get my mom to move on also. At least date or go out with a man to have coffee. She has been asked but decided not to. I love both of my parents also and I hate to listin to who's fault it was.

Yep. I went through all this when my parents split up as of October 1997 due to all disagreements. I wish that they have done well for me. And I wish that they stayed together. My father went out a lot to bars instead of paying attention to business. That is why my mother left. So we had to do something certain to keep things running.