when is enough, enough
By rohini33
@rohini33 (55)
May 8, 2008 4:11am CST
am i mad or is this a normal thing my husband or shall i say partner is a real .................... i am in england for a while and he has stopped calling on top of all the other....s...... he put me through he does not call unless i call him so now i've stopped calling two weeks now and counting this man has put me through a lot of horrible experiences in my life and i find i still love him but i will not call (need to be strong need some help) i and my family think it's time to move on i mean i went to prison because of this man for 5 years (but i do have some blame for that) and he stopped coming to see me what shall i do shall i just give up on him we do have a son together he has beaten me, horned me and all sorts but when i do call he says he has changed and that he loves me i know he sure has a nice way of showing it please some advice from some one with more sense than me
2 people like this
3 responses
@lvaldean (1612)
• United States
8 May 08
I am sorry, you are really asking this question?
You spent 5 years in prison and he didn't visit and you still believe that he cares for you? I am not even going to qualify this with the word love.
Where was your child during this vacation of yours?
He has beaten you in the past and you need even ask the question out loud, even in writing whether it is time to move on. Really?
I don't know what horned is but I can only imagine that it is not good.
Now you are in England and obviously he is not, he doesn't bother to pick up a phone to call you. You have to ask whether he is thinking of you? Caring for you? Loving you?
My dear this is not the question you should be asking yourself. You should be asking yourself how fast you can run. This is not a person worthy of your care or concern. Move on.
A man that would lay hands on you in violence does not love you and never will. A man that does not call you when you are apart does not love you, is not concerned for you, is not thinking of you. He has already moved on so should you. Clearly he is still getting something from you which is why he continues to allow you to dangle, but he knows that you will dangle without his active assistance. You need to extridite yourself from this non-existant relationship as rapidly as you can. You are doing harm to yourself and your child.
I know that this sounds very harsh and I do apologize for this. But you will never move forward with your life as long as you remain involved with this man who has abused you and harmed you.
1 person likes this
@lvaldean (1612)
• United States
8 May 08
I am sorry again that it was harsh. I don't mean to be cruel.
As a victim of horrific spousal abuse that nearly took my life I have little to know patience with situations in which either party is abused or an abuser. Any abusive situation has the potential to create greater risk to you and ultimately your child.
If you are ever going to start a life for yourself you will have to make fresh start. This means a clean cut from your past.
It is hard to do. Abuse creates a very real dependency between abused and abuser. The relationship is very different than one that is created between one that is healthy and whole. You will need support from family and friends to make this break. Your family is correct though you need to make the break if you are to get free.
Again I am sorry if I hurt you. It is not intended to be hurtful, what I say. But from experience it never gets better only worse.
1 person likes this
@matola (32)
• Tanzania
8 May 08
Tell u what? your not the only one who has been mistreated, beaten, abused and used. right now i am in a similar position but i have learnt to see it from a different point of view.LOVE URSELF FIRST.we do alot for our partners that go unappretiated becouse you are always taken for granted.Start living your life now,do all you can to achieve your dreams whether he calls or not!keep fit,get a new job,go to school,get a new wardrobe whatever it takes to improve you and dont let him be the centre of your universe.good luck.
1 person likes this
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
13 May 08
There's no way I would put up with any of the stuff that you were describing. I also would not get involved with someone to the point of going to jail because of them (right you have some blame for that, as you went along with whatever it was that cause the problem). I agree with your family.
