Having your heart break when your kids are hurting.

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Today I took my 17 yr. old son for a hearing test at the audiologist. He has been to the army doctor for his pre-enlisting checkups, and they demanded a special hearing test because of some small detail they found in their exam. The audiologist found that my son has a 35 decibel hearing loss in his right ear. The army standards allow for up to 30 decibal loss. The doctor said they MIGHT still pass him since it's only in one ear, but we are pretty sure he will turned down now by the army. Mike has been looking forward very very much to going into the army reserves this summer. They pay really well and then they help with college expenses. Without being able to go to the army, he's going to have to work really hard at some other job to earn his college expenses and buy a car. He was also feeling very patriotic about serving his country, even though he doesn't want to go overseas. In Canada they don't have to go overseas unless there is conscription, otherwise its voluntary. On the way home, I was already feeling very sad and I started crying for him as soon as we got in the car. He was just very silent, until about half way home and then it all came out. My boys have been raised by both their dad and me to be very open about their emotions. I would much rather see a man cry than to know he is breaking up inside. Still, it's hard to watch your children cry. All you can do is hug them, and tell them you love them, and be there to listen and hope it's enough. Mike has been very mature along the way through applying for the army. He has said all along that if God wanted this for him, then it would be very clear, and that if God didn't want Mike to go, He would also make that very clear. His spiritual maturity is a source of great pride for me as his mom, although I know we did our best to teach him, his faith is really his own, just like every other important decision. At this point, the audiologist is going to make a report for the army doctor and since the loss is only 5 decibels over the limit he said they MIGHT let it pass. Mike says he doesn't think God is saying NO right out clearly yet, but he knows when the results from this report come back it will definitely either be yes or no finally. He's not ready to give up hope but he also knows not to hope beyond reason. However, with God, all things are possible. It's just so hard to see your kids go through these hard decisions and trials. I know he has the right attitude. I am just thankful my arms are strong enough to hold him, even if my spirit isn't strong enough to keep from shedding tears in his disappointment.