On Common Ground...

i sat for a second and analyzed my husband and my relationship before i responded. while we have some base similarities.. even those are on opposite sides. hes a passivist nonconfrontational sort of person.. and im an in yer face stand my ground type of girl. he is very social and likes to be liked.. im anti social and dont give a damn.. we`re both pagan.. but on such different ends of the slide, hes more stiff and theatrical in his practices, and im more of a laid back casual "yo, i need a hand here.." kind of person. we are both highly intelligent competative individuals.. and compete against each other in everything.. and i do mean EVERYTHING! hes capable of accepting things with the simple answer of "thats just the way it is" and i go obsessive and wanna know the why`s, what`s, and wheretofores of absolutely every little thing. why are we together? because opposites attract. how do we manage to stay together? (over 9 years now) because the core base of our relationship is undying raw passionate swallow you whole heated through the ages tear yer soul to shreds LOVE! and without that.. we wouldnt fight as hard to get past the differences to appease the intense need to be within the others company.

I think it's the saying "opposites attract". I think that I would go crazy being with someone who was just like me- shared all my interests. I like to try new things and I think relationships are all about that- So I don't like to do some things my sig other does- I do them and have fun... same with him. My parents share a lot of common ground as well- they have been married 40 years this year! :) But they are also different- Mom does things without dad and vice versa!

Hubby and I are quite a bit alike and like the same things.. only he's a lot more outgoing than I am.. Lots of times, I'll go the social scene with him.. but would rather be home outdoors working or reading a good book.. But actually he's good for me.. otherwise I just might be a total hermit instead of partial.. And I really do love people! Seeing our friends and meeting new people! - We agree on politics, but he won me over.. and I'm still more moderate than he is! We hardly ever argue or bicker.. but my mom and dad.. they argue and bicker all the time! You'd think they hardly even like each other.. but I think they do! I'm always hoping for them to "get along"! With them, it's not so much differences as unresolved issues..

I would say that my husband and my self have alot of the same beliefs and we do like some of the same things but for the most part we have or own likes and dislikes,I sometime wonder why we were drew to each other,we do have alot in common but just as much we do our own thing.My parents I dont even know why they were together for 40 years but then who am I to say I guess they knew what they were doing.You have a great night.

I believe it depends on how you relate. Having a lot of differences does not mean you cannot make it together although it does mean you might have to compromise a bit. It also depends on how you treat each other. Someone who treats you well will always be easy to live with no matter what differences you have. Attitude is also important. If you are not tolerant you'll be difficult to live with anyway. Most of all - how do you talk ? Is it easy and natural or do you slip into arguments all the time ? Perhaps it depends most of all on the kind of person you are rather than any amount of differences.

LOL! My parents seem very different. My mom is a glass-half-full type of person, and so am I. My dad is a my-glass-got-shot-up-and-no-refill-is-coming type of person. I'm not even kidding when I say that. Granted there have been some bad things that have happened in his life, but my life was not perfect either and I didn't go the direction he went as a result. I talk to my sister often about whether she thinks our parents are happy, and she doesn't. Yeah my mom loves my dad and I'm sure he loves her, but he has such an odd way of showing it, he is very controlling and possessive. They are still married, it has been like 25 years.. 27 years, something like that. My husband and I have been together for 5 years, married for 3. We do have a lot of things in common with a couple not - he is into politics, very interested actually, and I'm politically apathetic. I can offer my opinion about political things but usually I'm not 'in-the-know' and some folks don't take me seriously. I have more important interesting things to do with my life than go into that arena. He is also into news, talk shows, things that are completely non-entertaining to me. We are both agnostic, religion-wise, although we were both raised in religious environments. I used to camp a lot as a kid but my husband isn't into outdoorsy pursuits. We um... really don't go camping . I guess we are very similar about the things that matter, the superficial things, bleh, big deal. They don't really affect our relationship. I think being on the same page about life goals and things like religion, money, children, etc are important. The rest is just icing.

For many years my husband and I seemed like complete opposites but now we seem to have found some things we have in common. I guess it is true that opposites attract.

My husband and I are a lot like you and your husband, we are in sync with each other. I will have to say that he isn't as addicted to the PC as I am, but he still gets on it. I think it's good to have a lot in common with the one you are spending your life with. It helps a lot. I know it does in my marriage.

yes hon, I agree that commonality is more long term than opposites, eventually opposites repel, Did you read my discussion on do opposites attract? I am so far behind I haven't even gotten to the responses yet.

When you really love someone so much, you learn how to compromise with your differences, just to keep the peace and make the other person happy. My husband and I have a lot of similarities but we have our share of differences too, what we do is compromise and talk about it. My husband don't like going to the library, reading materials makes him sleepy. He only reads newspaper and magazines about cars and that's basically it but he always go with me to the library because he knows I enjoy it a lot. In fact he's the one that will really make me go sometimes. On the other hand, I always go with him fishing. I like fishing too but I am very impatient in waiting for a catch, but I always go with him because I know he enjoys it a lot. That's just one of our differences, we have few other more. But because both of us wants to make each other happy, we're good.

I've been through 3 divorces and out of the three, only one did I think I really had a lot in common with, but over the years, it became clearer that we really didn't have that much in common. My s/o and I have been together a little over 3 years, and we have so much in common, we even know what the other is thinking before it is said. We both love camping and spending time outside, we also understand that at times we each need 'me' time, or time with just the guys or girls night out, and we are both okay with that. We both have kids from our previous marriages and agree on how kids should be raised. Money is never a problem since we both work, we share in the bills and expenses but we have our own spending money. From the moment we met, we both liked the same kind of movies, music, had a love for cars and harleys. However, I never wondered that about my parents, they had things in common and just enough differences to compliment each other, they will have been married 56 years this October.

Hi Twoey I am now divorced but yes I agree it is best to have things in common with each other as you are able to join in with each others activites etc, but in every relationship there should also be some sort of independance as well so at least then you have other things to share or do..am glad your marriage is working well may it long last bright blessings littleowl

my parents were like that as well, he loved to be out and she didn't, and yet they got married were married for 19 years, and then my mom decided they would be better friends then they would be married (not to mention she had met someone on the internet) and just up and moved to TN to be with the other guy and told my father she wanted a divorce. I mean me and my husband have quite a bit in common, with the exception of what we lke to watch on tv and movies, but i guess it helps a little tohave more in common so ou can stay close.

I believe that every one has his own soulmate kind of thing. I know a lot of couples who were completely opposites and good matches. But a lot of them part ways for good. My belief is that, as long as you have already met your soulmate through your partner, you will always be together no matter what your differences are in life. Both of you will always find excuses for every failures and shortcomings of every kind committed.

My ex and I were so completely opposite!

My husband and I have been together a long time. Our oldest is almost 30, so that should give you some idea. We don't agree on religion, politics, music, spending money or the best place to live, but are able to see the others point of view and listen to them. Headphones are used in this house, as my husband doesn't like country music, which I grew up hearing.

That's what I hope for in a mate. A guy who will agree with my point of view at least 80% of the time. For me he has to at least like hockey and movies and doesn't want marriage Or children.I think you need to agree with the basics and then if you are opposites it won't tear you apart. I can see a couple where one likes the great outdoors and the other is a indoor person but they both like movies and going out to see baseball games and they both want the same out of life , it could work. While the indoor partner is home in their library, the other could be hiking. And afterward they meet and see a film.I guess if the couple can respect the differences and enjoy something they have in common, they can stay together.

Opposites do attract, that's very true - but only to a certain point. For a relationship to last, you have to have a lot in common. I've been married to the same man for 42 years now and although he drives me crazy sometimes, and we argue, we still basically think the same way. We have the same belief on religion, family, etc., but we differ in lots of other ways like music and politics. He is very social where I hold back, he is outgoing, I am not. But we fill each other's gaps! I couldn't imagine life without him, he's my soul mate in so many ways, and consider myself fortunate to have met him at an early age so that we could spend a lifetime together.

I am not really sure where me and my husband's relationship falls. We have a lot in common such as; we both love art, photography, reading, exploring new places, mma, we are both the oldest of 3 children, we are both divorced with children... But we have quite a few big differences too. He is a thrill seeker and I am definitely not! He loves to sit and watch movies for hours. I get bored after 20 minutes... We were raised different culturally. I am a saver and he is a spender. So, I don't really know. My ex-husband and I couldn't be more different! We had almost nothing in common. My parents are pretty different too. But, they will be married for 31 years this July. Whatever works!

my parents were as different as night and day.Mydad was thirty years older than my mom.my mom loved every one and was sunny bhile my father disliked most people and distrusted every one. they should never have married but they did and they stayed married. Myhusband and i were different in some ways as hewas an extravert while I am an introvert. but on a lot of other ways we were really in sync so we seldom fought. we were married for thirty four years in a happy marriage.