Do I dump him?!

Yeah...long distance...those hardly work. I wish you good luck in whatever desicion you make. Good luck at college as well. I am starting college in the fall as well.

The thing is we're both going to unis at different ends of the country in september anyway, and I know that I would have split up with him then anyway - a long distance relationship wouldn't have worked for me, I've tried it before. It'd hardly be cutting it short - and I am restricted with social stuff while I stay with him too, because my friends are guys, and I'd rather have some time with them withotu him... I think it's space I need but at the moment I think that's goign to come out as splittin up...

Well, then maybe that's the reason; you know in the back of your mind that you're breaking it off with him come September, when you two go to separate universities, and it's eating at you. I still feel you don't really love either guy, because if you did, it would be either: 1. Way too easy to stay with the one you're attached to, and deny the other guy. 2. Way too easy to choose to be with the other guy, and not your boyfriend.

I know it sounds harsh but Im only 20 and my trouble isn't an issue of 'love' per se, more happiness, contentment... I don't want to settle down for some years to come yet

He lives with me so no I dont leave the rent all up to him. I dont leave anything al up to him. And Im the one in the relationship who generally goes out of my way to do that 'sweet' thing or whatever, bt we both do. That's not the trouble with the relationship. We've split up now, and since he's finaly accepted that there were some problems. We get on really well as friends. i dont know what you think Im wanting to split up with him for...

That's the problem with society these days. People think that if they aren't happy, then something's wrong. Not everything can be about your happiness - it takes TWO to have a relationship. (Not trying to be rude, here... I promise... lol) Sometimes, you have to compromise. Let me tell ya, chances are, if you're unhappy, then they're unhappy too (unless they're just totally oblivious and think everything is fine.) Let me ask you this: What have you done to make himhappy lately? (and I don't mean s*x; I mean something that is a little more meaningful than a romp in the sack.) Have you gone out of your way to do something nice for them "just because," or has everything been about catering to your needs? have you offered to pay rent, or do you always leave it up to him as his sole responsibility. (This is where the 'it takes two' part comes in.) Relationships shouldn't be one-sided all the time. It' just like people who think others are boring. Perhaps they themselves are the ones who are boring, for not suggesting fun things to do, and accepting sitting around the house? It's also like when a guy accuses his girlfriend of cheating, when he knows d*mn full well she isn't. Come to find out, he's the one who's been cheating. Before you go calling the kettle black (it's a phrase), assess yourself, and then ask your partner about their concerns... You'll be surprised. Just ask him, "Hon? Are you happy in this relationship? Is there anything I'm not doing to make you unhappy?"

But like I've said before the problem is separating the 2 things (the 2 guys). Anyway the 'other guy' as I have coined him has told me not to rush anyway, so me and the boyfriend are going to go out tonight, enjoy a bit of time together and see how it is - It's obvious to me he's trying to hang onto the relationship.

If the other guy is telling you "not to rush" then maybe he isn't that in to you to begin with. It sounds like he just has you "on the side," as seconds, in case the "better" thing doesn't work out. I'm sorry, but I wouldn't be anyone's seconds! He obviously isn't serious about you. Like I said, all the more reason to tell him "it's over," as far as hanging out, and talking on the phone, texting, e-mailing, etc. Just loose contact with him completely and tell him you need your space. Also, (if what I said about the happiness part is true,) and if it must be so with the b/f... Tell him you need your space. If he is happy and it's just you, suggest a hiatus - a separation. Perhaps you don't need to completely break up. If, come to find out, he wasn't all that happy in the relationship either, then go ahead - break up with him, if he's too fed up to try to work things out. Either way, just make sure he understands you need your d*mn space.

It's less that he's not enough of a man, and more financial issues that prevent him from having his own place. He's had a hard life, and doesn't have parents or family to lean back on so in that respect I feel for him.

Thank you. I know, I know! I eally don;t want this other guy to be a rebound. Though to be honest I don't think I'm the kind of person who needs one. I generally don't spend much time single, and not on purpose either, maybe I just have good timing or something. Or bad timing who knows... I'm more scared really that the other guy will just want what he can't have and then not be that bothered once he actually can have me...!

I think I might just be ready. Thankfullyl I shouldn;t have to see him with anyone else because we won't be mixing in the same circles anymore - I work with all my friends and I know he won't come into the bar I work in anymore, for sure! I think I have talked myself into it. I think the rpoblem is that I don't truly value him, maybe, I know I dont love him though - whereas he says he does love me...

if thats the case...do what you have finally decided... longer it takes the more hurtful it would be for him... even its not your intention to hurt sum1...it would comes out sumthing like that... goodluck...

Yeah I think so, though the thing is he states the relationship to be great. So him going his separate way will be arder than it is for me.

Thanks! I know. He his moving out regardless of our relationship because I asked him to. I'm living with my mum so thankfully I don't need to find anyway else to stay. My mum knows what's happening, but she feels a bit like she's betraying him when we speak lol. I dont think she likes him that much, but sometimes she feels sorry for him I think. I am trying to separate the break up with my boyfriend and the feelings for the other guy I am! But my god it's hard.