Will you accept someone as your BF if he still is in contact with his ex?
By subha12
@subha12 (18441)
India
May 13, 2008 1:21am CST
This actually happened to on eof my friends. the guy is her workmate. My friend knew that he had a Gf. Now the guy says he has broken up. But he is still in constant contacvt with his GF.
It was OK till this point. now the guy has proposed to my friend. My friend is in dilema. I told her taht he is unable to get over the ex,
Every opinion i swelcome.
What you have done if you were in her position?
13 people like this
41 responses
@81network (20)
• Malaysia
14 May 08
i dont think its a problem..... why cant? maybe we just have a simple r.ship
@scarlet_woman (23463)
• United States
13 May 08
not anymore,no.i had one or two that couldn't make up their mind and tried to go back and forth between us.i kicked them to the curb,i'm too old for that game.
next thing you know they want to go back to the ex,until they remember why they left in the first place,and then want to come back to you again.it's just not worth it.
1 person likes this
@liasonforever (1)
• United States
13 May 08
no way. if someone was still in touch with their ex I would not consider them as my BF
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
26 Jul 08
I wouldn't mind if my boyfriend now fiance was still in contact with his ex girlfriend and it actually happened on a couple of occasions that he tried to contact her online (social networks) and through writing a letter. I didn't mind that he was trying to get in touch with her after a couple years just to see how she was doing. By the way he communicates with me and treats me, I can tell he's totally into me and wouldn't even think about going back to her. I trust him and know he wouldn't do that. However, in this scenario I think your friend really needs to evaluate the situation for herself now that she'll become more to her guy than just a girlfriend if she says "yes." Is it a matter of this guy just wants to keep in touch with his ex or is he having a hard time giving up and letting go of his ex? If he's having trouble giving her up and moving on, your friend should say "no" right now because he's obviously not ready to make that move. Does that make sense? He has to completely let go of his other relationships before he can focus on making a new life with his soon-to-be fiance and wife after that. If he can't be responsible and focus on the girl of his dream and woman he loves, then he hasn't grown up yet. I'm not saying he hasn't because I don't know the situation, but I really think your friend should just read into his action and evaluate the situation...try to determine how he truly feels about this other girl. It's in her hands. Hope that helps. Great discussion!
1 person likes this
@gabrielle47 (1219)
• Philippines
13 May 08
HI Subha. I suggest that your friend be not in a hurry to get on with this guy. If the guy really loves him, then he will wait until the right time that your friend is ready. I have learned that all decisions that was made in haste and in unstable situation (emotionally) is bound to be not good in the end. She may regret it for being unsure. Take time to pray about this guy and when she feels at peace inside with this guy, then time will tell if she is to be with this guy or not.
As with his relationship with his ex, it depends on how he is carrying it. If the communication is more than what is interpreted to be friends, then think it over and let him wait. Don't let your friend be allowed to make a haste decision. Thats what most guys do-pressure girls. Don't be in this situation and be control. She should be in control of he emotions for this guy and not him turned around. I hope your friend will make a good decision. Take care.
~Gab~
1 person likes this
@icecandies (154)
• Philippines
14 May 08
i don't think i'm going to be hooked up with that guy if i am your friend. Gabrielle is right. God gave us the power to feel and determine every situation. The problem is, We, girls are so emotional that sometimes our "woman instincts" are blinded by how we feel for that person. Tell your friend if she sees and feel that the guy is still inlove or he still can't get over with the ex-girlfriend, then she should not waste her time with him. She needs to make sure, and no doubts that the guy is inlove with your friend.
@sofaset15 (10)
• India
18 May 08
There is nothing wrong with it..
Ask her to accept his proposal, and ask her to enjoy with him, every minute of her life, and enjoy the life with that guy, in every evening, even in nights.
Then he defenately forget the previous GF, and love your friend a lot.
Also if you like him, you can also try him.. there is nothing wrong in it.
Life is to enjoy, So, enjoy the every moments of the life in all respect.s
@mansha (6298)
• India
17 May 08
I would not and I would tell your friend to not to get involved too. Its slightly complicated and your friend will end up hoping for him to give up on his old love and tha will never happen. When you break up you should make a clean break with no strings attached otherwise you simply are not ready for the new beginings.
@agfarm (930)
• United States
14 May 08
Here's how I feel about the whole thing.....Unless the Ex....Happens to be either a Fish ( in a Bra ) or a Angel that whispers......Then it's a definate No..No!
The girl has everything she could possibly want in.....Oh Crap I can't remember his name! .......AGAIN!
So.....unless she's been hit in the head too , and has developed Amnesia......I would think she would be Happy ( I know I would ) with what she has. Plus.....that guy.....what's his Name? ( Da*& it ! ) Has a really cool Neighbor , which I hear does excellent housework......I mean.....How much Better does it get?
But hey.....I just heard that the Neighbor has some excellent connections to
Carpenters , or was that Roofers ? Either way....he's connected too!
It just gets Better and Better!
1 person likes this
@jhenn22 (1242)
• Philippines
14 May 08
well for me i don't think i will get into a relationship like that... guess it will be a problem if someone is still contact with his / her ex. Honestly, i am a jealous type of person so i guess it wouldn't be nice if my bf still has a contact with his ex...better not to have a relationship like that...
@chrysz (1602)
• Philippines
15 May 08
I don't think being in contact with your ex would mean that you are not yet over her. As long as the break up is not violent or tragic and friendship or courtesy/respect is maintained, there is nothing wong with being in contact with him/her. I think the limitation comes in when the guy is already in a new relationship or he is pursuing a new girl. If the guy is already courting a new girl, he must be very transparent so that he won't be misunderstood. If he is already in a new relationship, he must always ask the opinion of her new girl to avoid any conflict.
1 person likes this
@vcha_23 (110)
• Philippines
14 May 08
OUCH! if i were your friend i would say NO.... i have been through that before. i had accepted the guy though they're still exchanging messages with his ex... and the end of the story? he left me coz he realized later on that he still loves her ex. that hurt a lot... that was 2 years ago...
1 person likes this
@maquisa (316)
• Philippines
17 May 08
hahahhaa.. you know what i know someone that really crazy and cheap to do that...i actually experience it...my X bf always text and even call me just to say he's not happy with the girl he exchange for me...and even this girl know about it and his so stupid and worst she texted me a lot and get's angry with me...and i don't mind her coz i know they cheat on me and they should suffer the consequences that they had done to me...SORRY is not enough...and the truth im happy and believe in karma...so to your frend there's a lot of guy/gals that would love you and that you would be pruod of that his all yours! and beleive that the guy still love the girl no matter what...
@mommy_uv3 (109)
• United States
14 May 08
I guessit would all depend, imean if they had a reson to stay in contact,like maybe they had children together, then of course they would need to stay in contact with their ex, but for anyother reason i would think no. I mean they are a "EX" for a reason are they not? I wouldn't really know first hand, i met my husband in school when we were 11 and i am now 24, we are now married and have children so i wouldn't know first hand.
1 person likes this
@keep_onwatch (2680)
• India
13 May 08
Well what did he say he was in contact with for? I mean were they just talking or were they frendz, or he just cant get over his ex? This needs to be found out, in either case, if she feels uncomfortable with it, and he talking with him, she should just let him know what she feels. Never hide her feelings, it would only bring more trouble.So just ask her to have anice chat with himabout this. And if he really loves her, she will realise her fears and act accordingly...
1 person likes this
@aowaow (1516)
• Indonesia
13 May 08
That's too fast. Quicker falling in love after fresh break-up has many reasons; runaway, to show-off, emotional rejection, fear of being alone, finding releasing object, you named it.
But noticing him proposal to your friend is so fast, this man has a purpose behind his curtain. Be careful. He may dump easily on your friend, when his ex gives him a chance for moving in back again.
1 person likes this
@sweety10 (188)
•
13 May 08
Not at all..i can't accept that person whose still contact with his ex gf..i think ur friend should take a proper decision about this matter..n she should leave that person bcoz the relationship maintain with the trust nor lie.n the guy lie with ur friend ..the guy still contact with his ex gf it meanz that the guy still love that gal..n not able to forget her.
1 person likes this
@chirantani (1379)
• India
13 May 08
Hi!! well, in this regard,my opinion is, not to get into any committments right now,because that guy has'nt get over his past relationship,so at any point of time he could prove unfaithful.I will go on enjoying my life till the day that guy got serious about me.
1 person likes this
@killer_r (42)
• Indonesia
14 May 08
Well, for me it's ok as long as there is still limitation between him and his ex. Break up with her ex doesn't mean he doesn't allowed to contact her rite? As I am now, I still contact my ex eventhough she already has a boyfriend, but once again, there's limitation. Anyway, for this matter, maybe it's better for your friend to know his ex, maybe ask her boy friend to introduce your friend to his ex, so she know how is his ex girl friend, if his ex doesn't like your friend because of jelousy, then your friend must be careful..
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