On violent parents, and reasons I have not been around of late
By Myrrdin
@Myrrdin (3599)
Canada
May 16, 2008 7:30am CST
For those of you wondering where I have been I thought I'd pop in for a bit and let you all know what's up.
Some of you may know that over a year ago I had a very messy break up with my then wife. Over the past year and a half we have had a cold but amicable separation and a working shared custody arrangement with our daughter.There had been problems, but we worked through them and survived. That all changed last week. Last week she did something unforgivable. She was rough with my daughter and assaulted her boyfriend in front of my daughter.
She didn't seriously hurt my daughter, and there was no intent to hurt her. There were bruises, but nothing which constitutes abuse under the law. That being said she lost control, she was extrememly violent with her boyfriend in front of my daughter, she got arrested for assault and while handcuffed in the police car she broke out the cop car window in her rage. Needless to say this seriously affected my five year old daughter. I got out of dodge. I left the city we are in and fled to my moms. I filed with the court asking for a temporary court order and am going for full custody.
As such I am not sure how much I will be participating on here. My schedule suddenly got extremely busy.
6 people like this
9 responses
@CanadaGal (4304)
• Canada
16 May 08
Considering those circumstances, it is more than understandable that you won't be around on mylot too much. Of course, sometimes these circumstances bring out more in us than we anticipate. So don't be surprised if you find yourself posting more than usual, even if simply to use this site as an avenue to vent some of your frustrations with the court process (or the ex). Trust me, there WILL be frustrations every step of the way. Canadian Family Laws are not always fair and just, especially when it comes to emotional well being.
You are doing the right thing for your daughter, and any rational being can see that. I have absolute faith in you and your choices throughout this ordeal. You are keeping your daughter's best interests in mind for the short and long term, and that is what counts. She may not understand why she is getting limited contact with her mother for the time being, but someday when she's older, she'll "get it".
I hope for you, a speedy family court process, but don't count on it. When I went through my divorce and sole custody issues, it took just over two years for the final order... and that was without any contesting from nuckfuts. Granted, there were also criminal charges against him that needed to be resolved before the final order could be issued.
@CanadaGal (4304)
• Canada
16 May 08
The criminal charges against your ex won't require the same amount of time as the ones against nuckfuts. If anything, your case may take a long time because she is likely to contest the sole custody for the final order (I don't think she'll have a chance at even shared custody for the temporary order... but of course, your lawyer will give you a better idea of what the outcome is likely to be).
3 people like this
@Myrrdin (3599)
• Canada
16 May 08
True, I am sure her criminal charges will be dealt with much quicker. And I am sure you are right, although I am beginning to think she realizes she hasn't a hope in hell and she might be trying to strike a deal to keep it out of the courts as much as possible. She has gotten some legal advise apparently.
3 people like this
@jonesy123 (3948)
• United States
16 May 08
Wow, I'm glad you got your child away from that situation, for now. Looks like your wife needs to take some anger-management classes. Definitely go for full custody. Good luck! And keep us updated.
2 people like this
@Myrrdin (3599)
• Canada
16 May 08
Well anger management is certainly part of it, though I think there are more serious mental issues at play. My ex has become increasingly unstable being set off for more and more ridiculous reasons. As I understand it part of the reason for the attack was that her boyfriend wouldn't give her money to go get drunk.
2 people like this
@Angelwhispers (8978)
• United States
16 May 08
Myrrdin, you do what you must do, we will all be here when you get back. I hope that you have the outcome you are looking for in this situation. How is your daughter now? i bet she was pretty frightened and confused. My thought go with you and your daughter. Take care friend.
2 people like this
@Myrrdin (3599)
• Canada
16 May 08
My daughter is getting better every day. Since the incident we (my family and I) have been keeping her busy and her mind off things as much as possible. On Wednesday for the first time she asked when she could see her mommy again (a very unusual thing because usually once she's gone a day without seeing my ex she can't wait to see her again). I arranged a supervised visit for last night and she was much better after seeing that mommy was alright.
My ex had asked for a visit this comming weekend but I had said no absolutely not. At the time my daughter had not asked to see her so I wasn't inclined, plus its going to be a busy weekend. But while I was back in town, and there was an opportunity, plus my daughter wished it, I was willing to allow it. I have to admit I really wanted to say no.
2 people like this
@canadiandreamsbig (173)
• Canada
17 May 08
I read through the posts. Man, I should be asleep by now! I read that your ex is often violent. You sure did the right thing by your daughter. Violence only escalates. I'm sorry to hear that she got some rough handling and I hope that you can enjoy this long weekend with her. I'll post some more tomorrow. i've had a very long and busy day and I'll only start to ramble. My thoughts and prayers are with you both, your Mom too.
2 people like this
@canadiandreamsbig (173)
• Canada
17 May 08
Wow, that sucks! I'm glad your precious girl is OK, relatively speaking. I went through something very similiar with my ex husband. So, I learned my way around the system. If you want to talk, let me know OK?
there is NO excuse for her behaviour! Violence and abuse are simply wrong no matter who is doing it! Stay safe. BIG,BIG HUGS! Hats off for taking care of things!
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
17 May 08
myrrdin I am so sorry for all you are going through,i can
understandwhy you divorced your wife. wow now shes in trouble with the law.thats not going to help;huh.Under the
circumstances you should be able to get full custody
of your daughter pretty easily. goodluck with with the court
orde and the full custody.
@dangnabit67 (2021)
• United States
16 May 08
I hope your daughter will be ok.
Thats too bad your x is like that. It sounds like she needs some serious help.
Good luck to you getting your full custody. I'd help you if I could. Just know your in my thoughts.
Hugsssssssssss 
2 people like this
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
23 May 08
Myrrdin, I was wondering where you got to. I guess I will have to hold the gauntlet for you for awhile while you sort this out. It definitely takes priority.
Your daughter is only 5 yrs old, WOW! But rough with her, WHY? Bruises?! OMG! What the heck happened?
Broke out the cop car window? Holy moly, Myrr, she has quite the temper.
I thought the way it was worded, she assaulted your daughter's boyfriend, but at 5, obviously not. So she must have assaulter her own boyfriend. How could she hurt her OWN daughter, and her boyfriend too. What was the issue she was upset about? What did HE do? And how did your daughter get in the middle?
1 person likes this
@Remembering1996 (2219)
• United States
17 May 08
It's sad to hear about siuations like that especially when the child is involved.
Your Ex-wife seems like she needs help and dosn't want to face the fact. I'm glad you have the child now and are trying to go for full custody that would be the best interest for the child . Your daugghter will always remember that for she saw it w/ her own eyes and was scared as ever. A child shouldn't have to go through something like that and have to wonder why her mom is like that. I wish you the best of luck in this situation and I know you will be the greatest father to her and she will be truely thankfull for you. Good luck to you take care.
2 people like this
