What do you do about toxic people in your family?

a relationship cant be healed if only one person is trying to mend it, and from the sounds of it.. your "sperm donor" same as mine, doesnt care to heal it. ive had the same relationship with my own prettymuch all my life. he disapproved so much f my husband that he even despses our daughter just simply because shes his.. and refuses to even acknowledge she exists. shes 8 years old and has only seen him twice in her life. he had started running his mouth to other family members about me and mine, and thats where i ended the relationship.. i dont even answer the phone anymore if he calls.. gotta love caller ID feh . sometimes, regardless of yer connection to oters.. such as blood kin, inlaws, etc.. you need to remove certain individuals from your life in order to not allow them to harm you any longer. their behavior doesnt just affect you negatively.. but spreads to the rest of yer immediate family as well because they are watching you hurt because of them. i got fed up with my husband and daughter watchng me cry because of others all the time.. and chose to be happy, and send my time with those who dont poison my life.

I have said it before, but everyone is not meant to be in your life forever. I know it is a little different when it comes to parents. but you can love and respect your father and not be around him. You can't allow him to get you down, or make you made. don't ever give anyone the power to bring their negative thinking around you. You know the old saying Misery loves company. Nothing is impossible, and you can let him know how you feel without being mean or nasty about it. just don't talk to him in anger but from the love you have for him being your father. forgive him of his harsh words, then let it go and move on.

LOL oh hell how I can relate...My mother has ALWAYS hated me (even though it was her idea to adopt me but that could ahve been so she could keep my male gendered parental figure off HER back )..the older I got and the more I REFUSED to hide our families horrible secrets the more and more she hated me....I live in another country knwo and up until about 2 (almost) yrs ago that woman could set me off in the most dangerous of ways (dangerous in the sense that I became a danger to myself)....I realized that I needed to STOP giving her the misplaced loyalty that I had been and I needed SERIOUSLY START realizing that her and I will never have a relationship and that she will NEVER have remorse for what she did or allowed to be done to me since my childhood.. Toxic parents and/or family members really can destroy a person and yes misery loves company is a factor as is jealousy (thats the big one wiht my mother, she's jealous of me) I can't tell you whether or not you should cut ties wiht him...thats something that only YOU can decide BUT I can give you some pointers..such as - get a copy of Toxic Parents from your library more than that though - you need to sit down and REALLY DECIDE what YOU want for your children, yourself and your lives...are you really willing to have you and your kids be the martyrs for this man..OR do you think you have the inner strength (no offense meant its just that doing this is HARD) to call him out on his attitude and behaviour THEN depending on how it goes either work on the relationship OR walk away.. I have other thoughts on the subject but I'll leave you with that one for now because it really is a tricky and painful situation to be in ESPECIALLY when there are children involved

I think you are probably right. i would right him off. I would still keep in contact with your mother, but I think the relationship with Dad is over.

oh, boy, family can really do a number on us. i fee for you. i have been through some real "stuff' with my family over the years and thankfully things are better now. two things have to happen for you to get passed this. one is you need to change the way this man has the ability to affect you. by that i mean, you must no longer take crap from him in any form. if you are on the phone and he talks nasty or says something mean and offensive tell him you will not allow him to talk to you that way. if he doesn't stop then hang up on him. if he calls back do not answer. you take control. if he lives far away then that is a good thing for you and your family. no one deserves to have things held over their heads for years and years. the past is the past. tell him to get over it and that you do not want to hear about it anymore. he sounds miserable if you will forgive me for saying so and i you know what they say. "misery loves company." you do not have to be a party to this treatment. the hard part is that you love him. am i right? why do you love him? because he is your biological father? has he shown you love in your life? did he nurture and take care of you? you nee to ask yourself why you put up with him. would you take this treatment from someone not related to you? probably not. so i think you have to take hold of the reigns and you make the rules and if he does not want to follow them then end the relationship. i hope i helped. these are the things i did and it made all the differenc for me.

I am the baby in my family and for a long time all my siblings and such felt the need to tell me every little thing they thought I did wrong. I finally got fed up and told them I have one life and I refuse to spend it feeling guilty or wading through drama. I have basically told my family this is my life and you have a visitor's pass to it. It can be revoked at any time. Since that time my life has been good. Family get-togethers are much easier on me. Some people are miserable in their own lives and misery loves company. His grudges are HIS problem. You can spend today feeling bad about it, but it will not change how he feels or you can live your life. You need to worry about you, not his views. Life is hard enough with toxic people causing extra drama.

This sounds very much like someone suffering from depression. Could your mom convince him to get screened for depression? I would say to try to keep family contact minimal unless he does get help. The negativity, isolation, and lack of interest in things all together really sound like depression to me. He's got to be willing and want to get help though.

that was really sad your own dad whose still holding a grudges on his biological daughter!!not a fatherly act i guess since im a mom too and whatever misgiving my children did especially my son...i still love them and forgive and forget about all those things..thats what family's are for...

I know exactly what you mean. I have such people in my family. Actually two of them are living in the same house as me. We made the huge mistake of buying our house together with my in laws. It took me a long time, but I was able to learn how to live in the same house - different apartment - without allowing them to poison my life and my marriage. I didn't completely write them off. I will still help them out if they need something, but I don't allow them to affect me and my life anymore. I'm done with feeling down and loose my self confidence. I don't stop chatting, I don't socialize with them, I don't even do small talk. If they need me, they can call me, if I am available and in a good mood, I might help.

Theres people like this that hold grudges forever. Go ahead and move on if hes like this.

I think that toxic people in a family need to be avoided at all costs. the harm they can do is so great and it can go over many miles too. It is sad but so true. Your precious family should come first and that is only right. Your father needs to get over his negativity if he wants to bond with you and your family. I do not have anyone like this in my family but I would tend to stay away from someone like that myself.

Be cool and think with peaceful mind. ok have a nice day.