What would you do?
By kristenlehan
@kristenlehan (31)
United States
May 20, 2008 5:13pm CST
Ok, so I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place. My ex, my daughter's bio. dad, is known to smoke pot, meth and drink heavily. Well he hasn't been involved in her life much, seeing as he lived out of state. I talked to him today and he says he's moving back and wants to spend more time with my daughter. I've laid out the ground rules, he can only see her when I'm around, he cannot take her for weekends or full days by himself. He must prove to me he can be trusted with my daughter. Now, my question has to do with this. I'm looking into getting full custody of my daughter. Should I go for it even though we've come to an understanding on vists or should I let it go? I also do not get child support from this guy at all. He's never offered. Basically I'm a passive person and would love for him to just disapear, but of course he won't. So what would yall do?
4 people like this
9 responses
@tessah (6617)
• United States
20 May 08
id continue working on obtaining legal full custody.. just simply because he has a history of acting not only irresponsible, but dangerously with his own self. if you share legal custody with this man.. there is no law that says he cannot just up and walk off with her whenever he chooses, and disappear. and there wont be a damned thing you can do about it. skip the niceties and think of your childs safety first.
2 people like this
@tessah (6617)
• United States
20 May 08
if he still retains legal joint custody.. thats exactly what he can do. it isnt kidnapping if you hold legal custody of a child. take the necessary steps you need to in order to keep your daughter safe.. and work out the visitations and supervisions of them until he can prove hes a responsible parent after the fact. good luck.. i spent 18 years trying to do that with my ex.. i dont envy your position at all.
@kristenlehan (31)
• United States
20 May 08
That's the last thing I want, is for him to just walk away with her. I'd go psycho Mommy on him.
@Palmerhusky (843)
• United States
21 May 08
you should get full legal custody of your daughter and hightail it out of there. her staying with him is going to do more damage to her than you taking her from him will ever do. plus in that kind of environment, who's to say she won't pick up the same problem. she lives in his house and daddy does it...so can she, or at least thats what she will perceive later down the road. you seem to want the best for her so getting her out of there is going to be best for her. unless you want your daughter to slip into the same things hes doing. she may be young but 90% of the time we end up being products of out environment in one way or another.
1 person likes this
@kristenlehan (31)
• United States
21 May 08
We don't live with him. He actually lives in AZ and I'm in CA. He comes back to CA every so often and sometimes he'll see the baby. He's now saying that he wants weekend vists with her and that's why I'm wanting to get full custody of my daughter.
@banyangirl (56)
• United States
21 May 08
Secure the full custody with the court system; otherwise you really won't have much power over his visitations.
I agree that his visits need to be chaperoned until he can prove himself to be a fit father.
I would also go for back child support; you and your daughter deserve it.
Good luck to you.
@moonshadow68 (723)
• United States
21 May 08
You absolutely must go ahead and get full custory. He may be agreeable now, but that could change and without a court order giving you custody, the police won't even help you if he violates the terms of your understanding. It seems unlikely that he will even contest this order, but you should be prepared to prove all his shortcomings, just in case. It is always better to protect you and your little girl.
1 person likes this
@kristenlehan (31)
• United States
21 May 08
He's acutally starting to get un-agreeable to be honest. He called yesterday to tell me he wants to come see the baby on Saturday, but I told him that I already had plans and he got very pissy with me...
@kristenlehan (31)
• United States
21 May 08
Oh I know I cannot trust him. I know I should really get child support but honestly, I wish I could just his rights revoaked. I don't want anything from him...
@WANDALIE44 (888)
• United States
20 May 08
you should go for it, he can stiil see her the courts will give him visits with your daugther. however he needs to understand that he cnnot do those things around your daughter and when he has her he needs to clean. it is important if he wnats to build a relationship with his daugther, for she does not need to see him in that condition.. having custody of her will give more advantage if he screws up and puts your baby in harms way...
1 person likes this
@kristenlehan (31)
• United States
20 May 08
That's a really good point that you made at the end. It's def. something to think about.
1 person likes this
@danishcanadian (28955)
• Canada
20 May 08
Since you are the more responsible parent, you should have full CUSTODY, and father should have partial visitation rights with conditions, like the ones that you laid out in this discussion. He needs to prove himself worthy, as a father.
@kristenlehan (31)
• United States
20 May 08
That's what I was thinking of doing. I just hate the thought of going to court. Luckily Scarlett is only 8 months old and she won't remember any of it.
1 person likes this
@sisterjinx (1135)
• United States
20 May 08
Deal with the custody issues. Trust me this is important. You may have a nice little agreement now but it's nothing in writing and it's nothing that would stand up in court. If he ever decided he wanted to take your daughter and just move to another town without telling you, he can. A lawyer once told me, not too long ago, that when there is no custody arrangment legally in writing that both parents have equal rights.
@kristenlehan (31)
• United States
20 May 08
Thank You for telling me that! I will def. continue to down the road I've already started. The last thing in the world I want is for him to take my daughter.
@luli07 (1)
• United States
20 May 08
definantly get custody!!!!! you can set all ground rules then and if he screws up well no more baby privilages anybody can have a baby but it takes a real woman/man to be a parent my dad had custody of me and my mom ran off with me when i was young i remember very little of it anyhow since he had custody they found me so all was well!
@kristenlehan (31)
• United States
21 May 08
How sad! I don't understand why a parent would do that... If they're good parents and can be trusted around their children there is no reason why they should try to take them.
