What do you think about this?
By lorelai
@lorelai (1558)
Italy
May 20, 2008 6:26pm CST
I went out tonight with my friend and her boyfriend. They are both very interesting and nice people with a wide knowledge so we were talking about everything literature, politics, tourism, travelling, money and the evening was really nice. There is just this one little thing I really didn't like, they were both constantly talking about other man and woman. She mentioned several times how cute or handsome some men were who just passed by our desk or how great muscles had the man she saw at they gym in the restaurant and he was doing the same but he was talking about girls he met or talked to or had great legs. I felt like they were trying to make the other one jealous and among the lines I could easily read that they were just trying to raise their own price in the eyes of the other one. I don't see the point in that. I would hate to have a boyfriend who continuously talks about other girls and their great legs or whatever. Ok if he sees a really beautiful woman and makes a comments, some times when I see great looking woman I comment too but what is to much is to much. What do you think about that? Do you try to make your partner jealous by saying how much you like this guy or that girl? I feel that's the result of certain unsecurity in the relationship and not really clear relations and feelings. When I am with someone I like that someone to know what I feel and I like to know what he feels, this continuous cat and dog game would just worne me out.
8 people like this
27 responses
@lady11eve (311)
• Philippines
21 May 08
wow,,,thats sumhow fun to watch...as if they are not lovers,
to think they talk about others beauty rather the beauty of each other.how could they posibbly take that?...its like they are competing for attention.prolly they are not really that in love to each other.
cos if they do,they would care for each others feelings,coz on my experience i get hurt when i hear my guy talks about other girls,and my guy would be upset too if he sees im kinda attracted to another guy...
and if theya re inlove, i dont think they would admire another person...cos when wer inlove we see only the person wer inlove with...
maybe next time you just try to change the topic...make it your topic...hehe ;)
3 people like this
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
21 May 08
I agree with you and I would never do something like that to my guy because I respect him too much. It wasn't really like if the topic was good looking people those comments were just jumping out every now and then when one of them saw someone cute passing. In each story they tried to find someone who was good looking or had great legs. He was talking about his trip and a bartender he met in one town who complained how little money she was earning and we were talking abouut money but he didn't miss mentioning her great legs.
3 people like this
@tessah (6617)
• United States
21 May 08
maybe they are so much in love with each other and so secure in their relationship, that theyre able to look at and appreciate the beauty of other people without their significant other pitching a hissy fit over it in some possessive jealous rage.
2 people like this
@Pitgull (1522)
• United States
21 May 08
I don't understand why people are in relationships if they want to be with other people. And if that's not the case, and it's really to make the other jealous, then that's just pathetic. Not to mention, hurtful. If you're with someone, you shouldn't be trying to make them feel lesser, you want them to feel good. If you like someone, why do you want to make them feel bad? I can't even use the word love, because this is obviously not that.
Maybe your friends are swingers...
but if that's not the case... If you're boyfriend is talking about other women constantly, and in front of you, he's not talking about you, meaning he is not committed to you. And vice versa.
It's only a matter of time before one cheats, or maybe that's the problem, one already had, and they are still bickering it out?
Doesn't sound healthy to me. Hopefully they don't subject children to this nonesense.
3 people like this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
21 May 08
I totally agree with you! If someone just wants to date around or be with multiple people at the same time, they should not even BE in a relationship with anybody in those terms. It is pathetic, it doesn't take rocket science to tell you that when you love somebody, you aren't trying to offend or hurt them and you care about their feelings and their perceptions of things. People should not pretend, and you cannot 'have your cake and eat it too'. Maybe you can for a bit but it never fails to backfire. Without trust and loyalty, a relationship will crumble.
3 people like this
@Pitgull (1522)
• United States
22 May 08
No, if you read the conversation, they are not being natural. It's like a tennis match, going back and forth trying to make the other jealous. I understand where you are coming from but these two do not fit the part you are discussing.
People can be attracted to other people. It's a part of life and it happens, you can't deny that, but there are mature and immature ways to go about this, and working to make your partner jealous, is not working on a real relationship. In a real relationship, you work together...
Teasing is one thing, blatantly disregarding ones emotions is not what true relationships are about.
1 person likes this
@balasri (26537)
• India
21 May 08
I always talk about the things I find appreciative about girls to my wife.Not to make her jealous.I just cannot make her jealous.She understands me completely.I just wanted to say whatever that comes to my mind.That's it.I think that is a clean habit.She also doesn't hide any of her opinions about men to me.
2 people like this
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
21 May 08
That's really great in a relationship. I do that with my boyfriend too but these two weren't commenting together. Not even once have I hear her adding another comment or sharing her thought about people he was talking about.Neither has he done such a thing. It wasn't a two way conversation.
@ravinskye (8237)
• United States
21 May 08
i know how you feel. it is an uncomfortable situation. my best friends ex was like that. he was always talking about other girls. it made her very self conscious and insecure. i think you are right, acting like that could cause them to feel like their relationship wasn't going so well. fact is, if they are doing that, maybe their relationship is already not going so well. i would never talk about other guys in front of my husband like that.
3 people like this
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
21 May 08
I agree with you. She says that she is not in love with him and he is really but really handsome and she is not that beautiful, I know that tastes defer but in their case he is the more beautiful one, so what I think is that he is the one who always starts those comments and she is the one who comments men than to revenge herself and she does that because his words hurt her and they wouldn't hurt her if she didn't care for him.
1 person likes this
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
25 May 08
I don't agree with youu, I doubt that there's many people who are afrid to make such a comment in front of the partner, so I think you are out of subject here kangallo, we are not talking about just a comment here because we all do that with our partners, I do it too, just today I was talking with my boyfriend about some relative of his friend I know and I met him many years ago and I said that I remember he was really cute boy. So we are not really taking about something that innocent about a way of fighting and trying to make the other person hurt.
@babykeka80 (2084)
• United States
21 May 08
I hate that too. It makes me very uncomfortable. I cannot stand when my husband talks about another female in that way. It makes me feel inadequate. However, I am the worldsworst of giving it right back to make him feel the same way. I guess because it bothers me so I want to return the feeling so to speak. It is definitely an insecurity on my part. I always feel like if he makes that comment that I am not pretty enough or something. Kind of silly I guess its just low self esteem or insecure.
3 people like this
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
21 May 08
I know what you mean I do that too sometimes when I see my boyfriend looking at the girl or saying something nice about her. I mean, it's not that I am a saint and I never watch other guys, it would be a big lie lie to say that, but I really think they were exagerating.
2 people like this
@tessah (6617)
• United States
21 May 08
my husband and i do this continuously.. it isnt an insecure thing.. it isnt a make you jealous thing.. its just good ole fashioned people watching, and commentng on what youre looking at. "baby.. check out the a55 on her.." or "oh you shouldve seen the guy that was working for fedex today!!" plus the fact we are both sexually ambidextrous.. and we play the "would you do her/him?" game often. lol
2 people like this
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
21 May 08
Yeah but when a good looking guy pass near you do you turn to your friend (in this case me) and say that he is really great looking. One thing is when both parts are involved in the game, like you two, and the other when the other one doesn't reply to the provocation.
1 person likes this
@ambkeb (782)
• United States
21 May 08
I would think that that would make me a bit uncomfortable. I say that...and then Im going to say...my husband does it. LOL Not very often though, and he usually follows up with a...I love you babe. LOL I am not so secure with myself right now after I had my kids and he knows that. So he is great about telling me how "beautiful" he thinks I am.
But I think maybe you are right...maybe they are not so secure with their relationships/eachother.
2 people like this
@danishcanadian (28955)
• Canada
21 May 08
If two people agree that they are true to eachother, and they have the same standards and the same values, this shoudln't matter to you. My husband and I know what is attractive about the people around us, but we totally agree that we are with eachother, and that is final. What others around us think of what we say, does not affect us.
1 person likes this
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
21 May 08
Thanks Pitgul that what I ment, I comment with my boyfriend other people too and I can admit that a girl looks good if she does but this was just little bit over the top, like in a table tennis match the ball was going from him to her and back to him and back to her and...
1 person likes this
@lady11eve (311)
• Philippines
21 May 08
i think we can obviously see if partners are just simply commenting bout others...and no malice on meaning
i like girls too and i have a certain type of girl,and im open to talk about it with my man...but interms of my type of guy,i cant talk so exxagerated infront of my bf,,,that would be a foul for him.maybe with my girlfriends i can compare a little,but a big no no with my bf.
even if we say wer also bestfriends,and i knew my bf very well that hes openminded...i would still consider the fact that he might love me so much and he would be so jealous if i talk sumthing like that...in this situation i think its the HOW WELL WE KNOW ARE LOVE ONES...comes in...,
and if i understand what lorelai had written her friends dont care if each other would get hurt or too much jealous,,,it like theyr playing with ther egos...whos a good catcher...whos more attractive...its like a silent war of simply saying "hey your replaceable!"...
tnx for reading my opinion lorelai...
2 people like this
@sincere4frdship (2228)
• India
21 May 08
Well, I don't know what to say . Because I am also habituated with it . I also talk about others girls when I spend time with my friends , who are girls or my ex girl friends .
I have just got break up and we shared too many talked about others girls and boy . Some times people think that we are trying make us too much worthy . But it was not like , We had similarity to discuss which we like to see and don't get jealous . It may be they are sharing these types of talk and you are thinking it in another way . It happen some times as I have seen some stranger things happened in my life ...when my friends do so many piculier things with their girl friend . Which I will never come to understand or can do in my life or with my girlfriend . But some pair is made for each other and let then do things is their own way .
Thanks !!!
@sincere4frdship (2228)
• India
21 May 08
It may be in there case . But I did response, because I have met so many persons like my description and they are happy to being with each other and share strangers things between them ...
You don't like , then its your personal problem and do care about making any relationship .....
Thanks !!!
2 people like this
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
21 May 08
You are right people can do what ever they want but it just seemed so strange to me and I certainly know that I really woldn't like my reletionship to be like that specially because it didn't really look like any of them was really glad when the other one was driveling after another persone.
1 person likes this
@Elixiress (3878)
•
22 May 08
I think that it shows that they are comfortable together to be able to admire others without the other getting jealous or whatever. I sometimes do it, but only rarely, and I usually do it in a obviously joking manner just to get a reaction. For example I was handing in CV's and there was a shirt and tie shop, so I was like "Oooh I could hand one in there and cloth topless men" and my boyfriend was like "no, your not" but it was all joking and light hearted, which I think is fine.
1 person likes this
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
22 May 08
I like that kind of jokes too and I like to joke like that with my boyfriend too, I think that when you are with a person that you feel good with you can just say what is on your mind and he/she will understand. But that wasn't the case that evening. They weren't really enjoying the comments of the other one.
@Elixiress (3878)
•
22 May 08
Well by the sounds of it they are not going to last much longer together if they don't sort out whatever is happening between them.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
21 May 08
In my opinion, this is very creepy behavior and definitely based on insecurity in the relationship. They seem like they are not even really involved, more like dancing around the idea of dating! I don't believe this has any place in a good committed relationship, and no, we don't do this although I will mention that HE'S hot. =)
2 people like this
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
21 May 08
Yeah they certainly don't look like they are deeply in love and she mentioned already a few times to me that she doesn't feel completly involved with him, although I really don't see the point of dating someone with whom you don't feel comfortable and good with...specially because she is not 15 or 20 she is more than 30 years old.
@naseeha (1382)
• India
25 May 08
You are right lorelai
Only when two people are not really in love they can talk like that. if they had truly loved each other they would not have bothered about others. they would have been talking only about themselves
Maybe it must have been like that because they were in the early stages of relationship and were getting to know each other. ..
2 people like this
@lucy02 (5015)
• United States
21 May 08
I don't see the point in that. Its so childish and probably going to cause alot of resentment between the two of them. I once had a boyfriend that was always doing silly things to make me jealous. I could never quite forget that. Its a big turn off.
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
21 May 08
wow! I also can't stand to that, It will be ok for me if my partner will appreciate beauty but not that often..LOL, Maybe they are really trying to make one get jealous I will never do that. I can say that there is something wrong in their relationship..sorry for that, maybe they need to be assured of their love and they need to trust each other or else they will be doing that again and again!
1 person likes this
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
22 May 08
ohhh! That is not good! Not even healthy for their relationship, I hope they will grow up to enjoy each other better rather than hurting each other by pretending!
1 person likes this
@kun2349 (23381)
• Singapore
21 May 08
Wow.. Having vast and wide knowledge about things is good, so that a couple has got lots to talk about.. But when it reaches to the extend of talking and comlpimenting about other guys and woman,something is gonna be wrong somewhere..
Like u said, there's an insecurity in the relationship and that's y your fren behaves in this way, as the the bf, i guess he just wanna take revenge by saying those things he knows wil her hurt, so as to make her stop.. As most guys wants their pride, they wun take it lying down..
And when a relationship had come to this stage, actually there' no point for them to carry on as the same old thing will happen again..
1 person likes this
@anawar (2404)
• United States
21 May 08
Everyone has a reason for the way they act. From the outside in, I often wonder why two people are together? I think, oh well, as long as they're happy.
I don't see any happiness at that dinner for anyone. So, what's the point in going out with them? I think I read in here that you were going to talk to your girlfriend. Maybe a lunch date between the girls makes more sense.
People never cease to amaze or surprise me.
1 person likes this
@phoenix25 (1541)
• United States
21 May 08
Well, I would think it was weird if they were doing this excessively, the whole time I was out with them. My husband and I will comment on women sometimes when we are out, but it isn't like a competition. It might be a little strange for you to see them behave like this, but the truth is you have no idea what is going on. What works for some may not work for others. If they do have problems, they will just have to hash them out in their own time.
1 person likes this
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
22 May 08
I agree with you I had no idea what was going on, and my intention wasn't t jugde them but to say that I felt really wierd that evening because there was something going on and I was caught in the middle of it. Anyway, I my friend told me the day after the dinner that she isn't interested in him any more.
