Should I Stay Or Should I Go Now?
By ellie333
@ellie333 (21016)
May 21, 2008 7:14am CST
I have been invited to an evening reception of a wedding this weekend but it is over two hundred miles away and from 8pm-midnight. It is the reception of a friend I got on well with when I moved away from her area eight years ago but don't really have much contact with these days. I would love to go and have already donated to her chosen charity as that is what they required as a wedding gift rather than presents, but this month has been really tight for money as I have had to have work done on car for MoT, car tax due and other issues that have taken priority. I could borrow for the diesel money to get there and for the cost of the evening but I don't like to do this. I am sure she would be understanding if I couldn't make it as I also have to travel to the same area for a funeral the following week. Would you put yourself into debt as she is only going to be getting married the once or would you make your excuses. I do want to go.
Advice please.
Ellie :D
6 people like this
26 responses
@p1kef1sh (45681)
•
21 May 08
When you say the following week Ellie I presume you mean in the same week as the wedding. Do you have someone there that you could stay with for a few days? (Can your daughter be left at home on her own?) Otherwise, I think that you will have to give it a miss. Alternatively, have you investigated the possibility of something like the bus or train? Is there someone that your son could stay with, but he is a bit young, whilst you went? Perhaps you could send you apologies and then arrange to see her later in the year when things may be a bit more cheerful on the finances front. I don't feel that I've been very helpful. But good luck whatever you decide.
2 people like this
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
21 May 08
Hello ellie,
I guess she will understand you, if I am in the situation, i will not go and will not add my financial problem by borrowing just to go! Anyway, you have already extended your part to donate in a charity and I guess even without you there, she will still appreciate your effort and care for doing so in the presents that they are requesting!
2 people like this
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
22 May 08
You're always welcome ellie and that's a great decision then. You will make her very happy for this one time event in her life! Cheers~!
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
21 May 08
Thanks Checapricorn, yes she will understand but since posting this I have been juggling things in my head and reckon I can manage it by delaying a few payments as I get paid on the 1st and that is not too far away is it. I want to be there. I was listening to my head rather than my heart earlier and it is imprtant to go. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this one. Ellie :D
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
21 May 08
That is a tough call.....I totally understand how you feel it's hard to make a decision based on money when it come to a friends...but like you said she would understand. Hope you can work it out to your own satisfaction....I would probably not go because it's so late in the evening and if you don't want to spend more money on a motel room or something it might be dangerous for you driving back.
2 people like this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
21 May 08
Hi Jill, Luckily my eldest daughter lives just a few miles away at the moment so I can stay there so overnight costs aren't an issue really it just the cost of the evening and the diesel money but I have been juggling things in my head and I get paid on the first so should be able to manage it as I really want to go but I am trying to be sensible too and not get into debt by going if that makes sense. I think I will go as she will only be getting married the one eh! Thanks for you advice. I do appreciate it. Ellie :D
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
21 May 08
To be honest with you if it was me I would explain to my friend and would send her my best wishes but I would not go. Not if it entailed me getting into debt, that might sound bad to a lot of people but getting in debt is easy, getting out is very hard.
2 people like this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
21 May 08
Thanks for your honesty Gemini_rose. I appreciate it I really do. I have been juggling things around in my head for the last few hours and doing the Peter Paul bit I think I should be able to manage it as I get paid on the first so some things should be able to wait until then as I really do want to go. Perhaps if I post and respond a bit more on here eh by the 14th of next month I will have covered it in total, you never know
. I won't even have a credit card even though they are always being offered because like you say it is easy to get into but a lot harder to get out. Thanks for your advice. Ellie :D
. I won't even have a credit card even though they are always being offered because like you say it is easy to get into but a lot harder to get out. Thanks for your advice. Ellie :D1 person likes this
@Jakesnake1978 (1380)
• United States
21 May 08
I would definitely understand that. I would see that you are sending your wishes to the newly married couple. Just let them know that you cannot go at all. And they would certainly understand that. Maybe they will email you the photos of the wedding.
@Gollywog (1092)
•
21 May 08
It is always the same two things happening close to each other! What is the most important to you! The issue is always the cost, money dont grow on trees? We were always quoted this when we were kids,if we asked for something mum would say "money dont grow on trees" we wouldnt get it? Do what you can, dont leave youself struggling its not worth all the worry is it!
@ellie333 (21016)
•
21 May 08
No you are right it is not worth the worry but also I now realise that you only live once so I will attend both as is right, I get paid on the 1st so can juggle til then it has just been this month that has been a bit tight and neither event is going to happen again. Thanks for your advice and my mum used to say that too LOL. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@livvy092002 (1032)
• Philippines
22 May 08
I think your friend will understand if you tell her the truth, that you'd really love to go but your finances deprives you to. I am sure your friend would not want you to be in debt because of her. If you have contact with her, you can call her by phone and tell your story. As you have said, your friend even asked for charity donations in lieu of a wedding gift. By that, i think your friend is a sensible and kind person and she will really understand your situation. Besides, she will be happy to hear that you already have donated to charity as a wedding gift to her despite of your tight budget. Don't worry, i am sure you and your friend will get to see each other and bond together in the future, at the right time.:-)
@ellie333 (21016)
•
22 May 08
Hi Livvy, Yes I am sue because of the lovely person my friend is that she really would understand but I was lsitening with my head when I posted discussion and now my heart is saying for me to go. The crazy thing is things always happen at the 11th hour and my ISP provider has just reminbursed me a few minutes ago for 2 1/2 months over overcharge so that will go someway towards covering the cost. I get paid on the 1st so I can probably ride it out without having to borrow as I am also about to raid my penny jar and get that bagged up have bagged £10 already so I think I am meant to go eh! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and advice on this one, I really do appreciate it. Ellie :D
@recycledgoth (9894)
•
21 May 08
If you really want to go then I am sure you will find a way to squeeze the money from somewhere. I know it is difficult to find enough money to go around these days, perhaps you can put off paying a bill so you can attend.
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
22 May 08
If I really wanted to go, I would find a way to go even if it meant getting into a little debt. Weddings happen (most of the time) once in a life time and I know I wouldn't want to miss it. If it's just petrol costs you're worried about then I would borrow just to cover it and hopefully next two pays be able to pay it back.
2 people like this
@dragonfly242 (1060)
• Bahamas
21 May 08
I say go.
The bills will still be there, but this is an oppurtunity to get out and injoy yourself.Sometimes we have to just do it no regrets, go and have fun and seeing that this is something that you really want to do,i say do it.
2 people like this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
21 May 08
Thanks Dragonfly242, yes I really do want to go but was trying to be responsible too but yeah you only live once eh so I'm off at the weekend to have some fun. I get paid on the 1st anyway so everything else will have to wait until then eh! Thanks for your advice, appreicate. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@adoremay (2065)
• Philippines
21 May 08
For me, as a friend, presence is the only valuable thing I can give to a friend. Being there means you will share your precious time with your friend, and time is precious because you can never turn it back. I think the wedding reception is a once in a lifetime event in your friend's life... Making it more meaningful for her, if her dear friends would be there.... However there are situations that financially we are unable... I won't be suggesting the borrowing thing... Just tell her with all honesty, she will understand... You can still visit her if you already financially able...
@Raeyden (46)
• Singapore
21 May 08
My mum takes invitation from friends and relative seriously..
She will always attend their event no matter how difficult it is for her (no money or whatever)
She told me that people took the trouble to invite us because we are special to them. If we refuse to attend, they might not invite us again or worse, they might not attend our event if we organise one.
Do you want to see no one coming for your event?
thats what she said to me..
i think you should go..
2 people like this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
21 May 08
Thanks Raeyden. I appreciate you and your mothers advice. Yes I will go as my friends are important to me but earlier when I posted discussion I was in such a dilema as money so tight this month but I do get paid on the 1st so I am sure I can manage to juggle until then eh! Ellie :D
@polachicago (18716)
• United States
22 May 08
Do what the best for you. Nothing wrong if you don't go there. I do understand you situation. The cost of travel and getting ready is huge and many people can not afford to do it.
I think she will understand any reason you give her.
I have similar story about this coming Saturday wedding.
I wish I can stay home.
1 person likes this
@polachicago (18716)
• United States
22 May 08
I would rather stay, because it is not my time to dance and party.
I will buy and deliver gift instead.
It is all about family situation, not wedding itself.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
22 May 08
I was listening with my head when I posted discussion but my heart is telling me to go. I will manage to juggle somehow as I don't want to borrow and only have to wait til 1st til payday so will sort things then. Advice appreciated. I am sorry to hear that you would rather stay at home as I would rather go. Crazy eh! Lets both enjoy our days anyway. Ellie :D
@twilight021 (2059)
• United States
21 May 08
Attendin weddings can get VERY procey. I have one this weekend that is going to cost me a couple hunderd dollars at least once i factor in gas, hotel room, and wedding gift. Becuase of this price tag I have had to pick and choose. Family of course gets priority, and then depending on how close a friend it is, that is how I choose.
That said, if you really want to go and it means a lot to you....then go. This way you don't spend a lot of time regreetting that you didn't go. Maybe you can find some cost savings...wear a dress you already have, and maybe there issomeone you can share the driving and gas expense with?
good luck!
@ellie333 (21016)
•
21 May 08
I can't share travel costs as I am the only one travelling from my area but will wear a new outfit I had for a 25th annivesary event earlier in the month. I will go as you are right I will regret if I don't. Payday is on the 1st so I can somehow manage til then. Thanks for your input, appreciated. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@marketing07 (6266)
• South Korea
22 May 08
hi ellie..for me i wont go if i will only put myself on debt..maybe i should make an alibi...such as my kids are having a school activity..or maybe of something ...
@ellie333 (21016)
•
22 May 08
Hi Marketing I hear what you are saying but I really do want to go and have now juggled my finances plus had an unexpected bonus through today with a reimbursement from my ISP provider so I think I can manage without having to borrow which is great news eh! Thanks for your advice though, appreciated. Ellie :D
@Elixiress (3878)
•
22 May 08
It all depends on who the debt is with, if the debt is with the state then no I wouldn't go, but if the debt was with your partner or parent or someone then I would go and pay them back later. It might be the only time that she will get married, so you should go =D
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
22 May 08
Hi Elixiress, It would be from my eldest daughter in fact but I would only ever accept if things were dire rather than for me to go enjoy myself if that makes sense, but I will go and this morning the funds arrived so I will not have to get into debt by the fact that I received a reimbursement on 2 1/2 months from my ISP provider where I had been overcharged and I am busy counting up the penny jar LOL have bagged £10 already so I reckon I can make it without having to borrow at all. Yippee. I feel also it is important for me to be there as yes it will be the only time she gets married. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings on this one, appreciated. Ellie :D
@Elixiress (3878)
•
22 May 08
Glad you are going. You have to remember that having fun is important as well as doing the necessities, if you have no fun then you will just end up being down all the time and that is no good.
1 person likes this
@kylie_quistis (1220)
• Philippines
22 May 08
Well, I think it's entirely depend on you. If you really don't want to go and really have a good excuse which is I think you have, then don't. I think she can understand it and based on the description of your friend, she is a really nice one, so I really think she won't be mad at you. And what more you can always visit her another time when you have spare money to spend on visiting her. But if you really want to go, then go, but personally, I think it is not really wise and impractical especially as you said that you are really tight this month, so I really suggest for you not to go. But then, it's really up to you. However, our comments here will really help you decide what is best. Also, you can make a list of all the pros and cons of it. I always did that whenever I can't decide on something. :D Hope I'll be able to help you to decide. XD
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
22 May 08
Hi Kylie, yes this really did help and the listing of the pros and cons is a really good one and my heart is telling me to go so I will. Yes she would understand and I could see her another time but it is her wedding day and that won't happen again. Crazy thing is at the eleventh hour this morning I received a reimbursement from my ISP provider for the last two and a half months overpayment and I have started counting the penny jar and have agged up £10 already so I think that I may be able to make it without borrowing as this is the one thing I wanted to avoid. Thank you so much for your advice and yes reading through the responses has really helped. Ellie :D
@kylie_quistis (1220)
• Philippines
23 May 08
ooh, that was really a good news and it really answer your problem, receiving your money at eleventh hour. XD That was really great. :D Yeah, you're right about it happens only once and shouldn't missed it. However, I told you that it was impractical because when you said that there's no extra money for going there. But because you received money this morning, it immediately eliminated your worry. I am really glad and happy for that. XD Well, take care on your journey and make sure you'll have fun in the party. ;-}
1 person likes this
@mimico (3617)
• Philippines
22 May 08
hey there Ellie,
if money is a problem for you then you shouldn't go. giving to her chosen charity is the best thing that you could do for now. when you have spare time on your hands and more money in the bank, then you can go ahead and treat her to lunch. I'm sure she'll understand your situation. so just sent her and email or give her a call after the honeymoon.
@ellie333 (21016)
•
22 May 08
My heart wants to go my head is saying no due to the finances but this morning I received a reimbursement from my ISP provider for 2 1/2 months and I have been counting the penny jar and bagged up £10 already so I think I can manage it and see this as a sign that I should, but she would undetsand and not want me to get into debt by going but as this is extra unexpected money I can use this towards the cost eh! Yippee. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and advice on this one. Ellie :D
