Update on My Grandmothers Rant

Sweetheart don't be upset about your conversation with thm , You were worried because you love them , and I know they would understand that , I know you are worried about your DIL loosing one of the babies , But God has been good and she still has the other , I will keep her ( and you and the rest of the family) in my thoughts and prayers , they know you care and they love you too or they would not have sat down with you and discussed things xx

It is my belief that when these things happen, it is what God intended from the beginning. It is not caused by anything anyone does or says. As a "fellow-grandmother" who often has her foot in her mouth - don't blame yourself for what has happened. I know it doesn't take away the pain of losing one of the babies, but one does still exist that needs his/her Grandma very much. God be with you in your time of grief, and our prayers will be with you and your family that He will watch over the remaining baby and keep him/her safe.

I didnt' see your other post as i wasn't here on saterday. . Where you not happy about being a grandmother again ? i'm lost, i thought all grans where happy about having grand babies angel! I hope everything is okay with everyone in your family, and if you had said something you shouldn't have that they can forgive you if you want them to. *hugs*

Firstly Angel I am sorry to hear about your daughter in law's miscarriage. That will be painful for them both, you all. We have been there and it is a horrible feeling. However, it is wonderful news that there is another baby there. I wish you all the very best that the little one will be delivered safely when the time is right. Several years ago I worked for a man whose secretary was always sick. Colds, headaches etc. Just little things, and quite often they occurred on fridays or mondays. I used to rant and rave about her abusing the system and being lazy etc. One day she went off sick and he called me in and said that he wanted to discipline her and wanted me to find out what needed to be done. Away I went and did my homework. Armed with the relevant information I returned to his office and set about explaining what he had to do. Whilst I was there, his temporary secretary came in and gave him an envelope. Opening it he found a note from his proper secretary's doctor. He passed it to me and I read the diagnosis - multiple sclerosis. We packed up the books. She was in a wheelchair inside of six months and never worked again.

not too long ago I was really rather sharp with this young woman who kept bothering me asking where things were in the store where we were both shopping. Then as she started up the aisle I noticed she had a white cane in her hand. I had not noticed that before and I felt about an inch tall. she was legally blind and had to be right upon something in order to find it.

Dearest Angel..when we talked about this in your discussion, you realised how precious another one would be so don't feel down on yourself ok..I always believe if something like this happens it was meant to..I know this may not make you feel any better and its so sad to have a twin lost this way, but your daughter in law sounds like she's still healthy and the baby is too..let the other feeling go and don't ponder on it..it will stress you and you will need strengh for helping them out..this loss will affect her..this time you can give that energy to them in what they need! Huggles Dear one!

I went and read what you said and I can understand why you felt the way you did, it is only normal to react like this as you are thinking of their future. My partner is one of a twin, the same thing happened to his mum when she was carrying him, he was born full-term and very big and healthy. Like you, I have to eat humble pie sometimes, too emotional at times to keep my gob shut. Next time you can share my pie.

(((angel))) that must have come as quite a blow to you. while carrying my second child I was not ready (in my mind) to have another so soon... and I was complaining about it. Then I lost the baby at 12.5 weeks and was just devastated. I blamed myself for a very long time. I also lost a set of twins the next time I carried - but conceived my next child prior to the due date of the twins so if they had been born I would have never known her. There was more loss later... but I have learned to take it in stride, sad as it can be - I must place my trust in the Good God.

oh Angel you really have to stop right there and stop going over every thing you said! I bet your son and daughter in law are blaming themselves and thinking of everything you could have done differently too. I know what you are going to be doing yourself and I order you to STOP now. do you hear me? It is awful that this has happened and I know you are heavy of heart for the poor lost baby but I am sure that is battling with the ecstasy of knowing that the twin is doing well. We all know that you are a wonderful mother and Grandmother so just stay strong angel and do let us know how things are! Love and hugs sweet angel - you and your family are in my heart and prayers! xxx

I am truly sorry for the loss of a 'probable' life, Angel, a loss is a loss. I know how you feel and it's quite natural. The painful, yet uncalled for, guilt that one feels when one has said or done something in a positive way, for the betterment, and it comes out the wrong way that one has never intended or wished. When you had a rant this weekend, I believed that your protective and caring instinct as a 'mother' is working, where you were concerned for not only the well being of your son and daughter-in-law but also the new life. Today, while I am reading this post, I see another side of the same mother, who is feeling humbled, again out of love and care. It is amazing that how same instincts bring out very different reactions depending upon the situations. I have many such instances where I never meant something and felt humbled later when it turned out to be a worst case scenario. My son never fell ill through his first year and I asked my wife if it is normal? Well, he fell ill later last year, and I can't describe how it felt. Angel, I don't mean to offend you or hurt any of your feelings but it is probably better for the one who is left. My wife told me that there is fierce battle of survival among the twins especially in the very start, and in later stages too, and many twin pregnancies have miscarriages of one of them, mostly without even the knowledge of parents. It provides for the remaining one to survive and grow healthily. So, looking at it from brighter side, I am happy for the remaining one. I hope and wish that it grows and comes to this world without problems. I hope this one will also help his/her parents to cope with any loss that they are feeling. Wish you the very best!

Oh Angel, you had no way of knowing what was coming. I'm sorry for your loss and your family's. There is another though and that's amazing. I think everything in light of new life is small. There is nothing more powerful in this world than that.

That must have come as a shock. Wow, I am at a loss for words.

I'll bet my bottom dollar Angel, that when this baby finally makes it's entrance you are going to be one proud and happy and totally loving Grandma! I too was carrying twins, when I lost one of them during the pregnancy. My mother felt the same way you did about that pregnancy. But when the survivor was born hale and healthy my mother couldn't get to my side fast enough. So don't beat yourself up too much sweetheart - you are not alone and it's really quite natural to have such reactions sometimes. As for me - No, I can't say that I've every been humbled by something I've said or done..........I'm perfect just as I am thanks! ROFL And if you believe THAT..........shame on you! LOL

Sorry to hear about your daughter-in-laws loss, but glad to hear she and other baby will be ok. Its sad that the effects of our words don't hit us most of the time unless something goes wrong. I know that I have made comments of people not wanting to pull their weight at work only to find they have some physical ailment. Though we cannot take back what we have said, we can always guard what we will say. Sadly for myself at least, I have this uncanny ability to speak first and think second, only realizing when it's too late that I shouldn't have said something.

Yes I have a couple of times and it is such a horrible feeling I ended up crying and I cried for Days because I felt so awful and horrible I am so happy though that not all is lost and they still have the one and I hope that it goes well from now on and no more Problems Hugs to you

Goddess Blessings Sweet Angel,Is it not wonderful to be given a second chance to make things right!Now is not the time to kick yourself, it is the time to stand up and be the supportive mom, mom-in-law, and grandmother-to-be that you are. You had a "temporary" lapse. So what? You are human. This doesn't make you anything but human. You are loved. To me the old standards such as "the baby is in a better place", or it was "God's will", were never very comforting. If they give you peace when thinking of the babe that was lost, please consider them as words of love I am sending to you. I am certainly not the one to ask why things like this happen. I don't know why some children are born into wealth and others into poverty. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to the Universal Plan. All I know is that I am not qualified to try to figure it out. With that being said, my suggestion would be for you to go and be with your family and cry. Shed tears of sorrow for the life that will never be, she tears of relief that mom is healthy and doing well, shed tears of regret for anything inappropriate you may have said (and then put it behind you), and most of all shed the tears of pure delight that you will all be holding a new and precious life in your arms soon. Your family is close to my heart.~Donna

There are many things I have said and done in my life that I still carry remorse for having said/done them. They sit in the back of my mind and periodically prod my feelings of shame. They are things I said/did in thinking to "help" and it was only in hindsight with the wisdom gained from a few more years of self-maturity that I realized how inappropriate and possibly harmful my words/actions might have been. I have learned to guard my words well and to be cautious in my actions. Which all sounds very wise and wonderfull ... NOT!!! Because in my guardedness, I let moments of joy pass by, never to be regained. It sounds as though you have many moments of joy happening now with your new grandchild. Best wishes and much happiness to you.

I have, and those lessons are ones that i have never forgotten and never repeted. I send my most sincere regrets that your family is going thru this. Sometimes we human mothers really do let our mouths overload our good sense but because it is said or done out of love and concern our children have the grace and appitude to forgive us (it may take a little longer to forgive ourselves) I can't even imagine how hurt and sadden your family is at this time. But there is a most prescious person on their way to prepare for and even though i know that they no one will ever forget their lost child hopefully they can start looking toward the future as a unitified family full of love and forgiveness. Good Luck Nana, there never has been nor never will be anything like this new grandchild! He or she will be a loving reminder of Gods goodness and Grace.