OMG! Whose fault it is that children today do this?
By lorelai
@lorelai (1558)
Italy
May 23, 2008 8:29am CST
Here in Italy few days ago this news came out about four boys who rapped and killed a 14 years old girl. She was the girlfriend of one of them and she was pregnant with him so he asked her to meet him in an abandoned house in the feields where all three of them rapped her, strangled her and dropped her body in the well together with a very heavy rock so nobody could even find her untill this local man went to check the level of water in the well and found her. One of this boys, when they finally found all of them, after confession said: Now that I have confessed, can I finally go home? As if he didn't even understand that what he did was a crime and he would get punished for that.
There are so many cases like that we see on tv every day, two 12 year old boys who rapped 10 years old girl and taped it with their cell phone and went bragging and showing the clip around.
And another case where 2 little girls sexually abused another one and made her do different things to herself and kicked her and beat her up several times.
So who is responsable for this young violent children being without any sense of responsability? Tv, parents? Are we so involved in making money and living our lives that we don't even notice when our child becomes deviant? Are this CSI and Law and order and NCIS just giving them ideas because it all lokks so interesting in tv and some people even escape the conviction? Specially in most of this shows you never actually see the conviction and the life after it?
I am really preoccupied, I don't have any chldren yet but I am honestly afraid to bring them to this world when even when they can be tortured not only by pedofils and strangers but even by their own little friends who are their age. What do you think about it? Whose fault is it?
I know that it's not that all children are like that, most of the children are innocent and nice but what if something like that happens to your children, because as clever and intelligent the child may be for his/her age we all want to be accepted by the society and sometimes we acept things and conditions we know we shouldn't.
7 people like this
16 responses
@goodbuys4you (207)
• United States
23 May 08
Part of the problem of kids thinking hurting and even killing others is no big thing is the video games and movies that convey that such violence is entertaining.
But I think the more important issue is that parental discipline has been rejected by many as being cruel and therefore abandoned in many families.
There was a time when disobedient rebellious behavior by young children resulted in a spanking or being made to stand in the corner (I experienced both in my youth). Today if a kid gets any rebuke at all it may simply be to be sent to his room (with his TV, computer, video game, et.)
The purpose of disciplining a child is to teach them that wrong actions and attitudes have servious consequences. Even before they understand why hurting others is wrong, they hopefully learn to control themselves when they feel like being mean to another kid because they remember what mom or dad did the last time they threw that rock at another kid.
Years ago when a child misbhaved at school and was disciplined in some way there, that he hoped the parents wouldn't find out because then he'd also be punished at home. Now parents get upset and yell at the teacher (not their precious kid) if a teacher or principal even speaks harshly to their little johnny when he misbehaves in class.
Children starting at an early age need to be taught to control themselves. I think that discipline in one form or another needs to be part of that teaching. Better to make them unhappy for a few moments to than to later see them and others suffer the consequenes of them living an out of control life.
3 people like this
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
24 May 08
You are right, video games are a lot to blame for teh deviant behavior of the children. There's now a big fuss in Italy around grand taft auto iv where the protagonsist go around the town steels, kills and escapes the police in order to fulfill some task. And although the parents don't wanna buy this game to the children, because they consider it too violent, there are so many publuc places where the children can go and play vidiogames today and parents don't even know which game they play. Most of the children understand the difference between the fiction and realty but it's but if just one kid douesn't get it horrible things can happen.
The discipline...that word in the capitalistic world we live, is immediately conected to socialism and comunisam, and that's wrong. My neighbours got rich about 15 years ago because the head of the house was the boss of one big firm, he stole a lot of money and goods from that firm, the firm bankroped and he opened a big private business. So now they are filthy rich and a lot of people who were working in that big firm that bancrupted were left without job and money, but this man got out without the consequences. So now how can he teach his children discipline and morality and respect for other people?
@goodbuys4you (207)
• United States
24 May 08
If parents want to do their best to prevent their kids from turning into monsters who hurt others and even kill them and wonder why others get upset about it, in addition to disciplining their kids for rebellious behavior, they also need to demontrate the right kind of behavior.
All husbands and wives are going to disagree with one another and even have arguments. But they need to know if they resort to hitting one another, little Johnny or Suzie is going to learn that's what you do when you're upset with somebody. Telling the child, "do as I say, not what I do" isn't going to work.
If I hit a girl (even my sister) my father disciplined me because he told me that a boy should never hit a girl. I knew he lived according to what he said because I never ever saw him hit my Mom.
Even though he was a hard worker and sometimes worked 3 jobs he still took time to do things with us kids. On his one day off each week he would take us for a ride, to the beach, or a park, or just off exploring letting us pick what roads to go down. His being considerate and kind to us helped us learn to be considerate and kind to others.
Too many parents today make excuses as to why they don't spend any time with their children. Some how they need to find the time. I'm thankful my parents did find to spend with me and my sisters.
2 people like this
@goodbuys4you (207)
• United States
25 May 08
Although there are a great many parents who have time for work and their own versions of play, yet spend little time with their own kids, there are other parents who in order to pay the bills simply have to work so many hours that there is little time left for their kids.
Maybe other grown-ups should consider whether there was something they could do to help families whose children are being left to raise themselves simply because there is just one parent in the house or two parents who both need to work many hours just to buy groceries, clothes, and pay the housing costs.
There are plenty of predators out there who will go after kids to teach them the wrong things. How about some adults who will volunteer to spend time with kids in ways that will help them stay away from harmful activities?
1 person likes this
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
25 May 08
Telling the child, "do as I say, not what I do" isn't going to work.
I really agree with everything you said. The lack of time isn't an excuse because many parents watch tv or even play silly games on the computer or do something else that doesn't bring food to the table nor educate they children. All that time some parents spend shouting at their children and trying to calm them down they could spend in the park playing with them.
1 person likes this
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
26 May 08
I agree that some people have to work to bring food to the table, that's why I wrote in one of my previous posts that the society should do more to take care of children and that parents should create some sort of organization to help each other and to their own children.
@mysdianait (66009)
• Italy
23 May 08
I too am in Italy and I am appalled by what is not a new thing anymore but a daily occurance.
I agree with the first response entirely but I also hold the media responsable. They show every single clip on television leaving very little to the imagination and the next day the next clip seems to want to try do something to get higher 'merits' than the one the day before. Instead of condoning these episodes, the culprits become heros. The people rsponsable for thes horrendous acts get more mention than their poor victims. The means surely that many youngsters do not realise the gravity of their acts (certainly the lad who asked if he could go home is evidence of this).
I feel there is too much coverage of the crime and not enough people saying that children should be treated as children. To think that the murder of that girl by those youths was set off by a simple text-message is absurd and leaves me at a loss for words. How could their parents have raised their kids to have no feelings, no morals and above all no respect? That's probably what is missing - respect in all fields of life, at least here in Italy 
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
24 May 08
Yes that's really bad that they show everything on tv. And people who are neighbours of the people where the crime happenes can't wait to give an interview and be on tv so comitting a crime becomes something great because you get to be on tv. I understand how tv can extort facts and to children wrong things can seem appealing. I agree there's no respect for the other human being, people today are able to use everything and everyone to get where they want.
1 person likes this
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
25 May 08
Each movie here in Italy, and each show has a sign in one of 3 colors and each parent can let or forbid his child to watch movies or shows with red sign even before it even starts...but the problem is that today some children can be so persistant that sometimes parents let them whatever they want just to make them stop crying.
@grammasnook (1871)
• United States
24 May 08
Okay now if we blame tv, video games, reality shows, in essence we are blaming OUR generation for it. So it is the fault of people that are 30+ because these are the ages that make these evils and think about it. So is the Evil in the mind of the child? or the mind of older society? Just curious.
2 people like this
@lieanat (1137)
• Malaysia
23 May 08
I agree with you, lorelai that this is not the first case happen around us and it's definitely more to come. In my two cents, I think parents play a vital role to teach and educate our kids of what is right and what is wrong. Worst still, if the parents are tends to over protect their kids and their reputations!!! For sure, their kids will not learn the right things in their life!!! Another reason is parents nowadays tends to let the TV or other party such as teachers or their servants (maid) to do their parental job. So, I really doubt what a good kid can they raise in such a way!!!
I agree too that those reality show or drama series like CSI do influence our kids a lot. But they just trying to tell us the possible crime out there and how the authorities can solve those crime. So, we truly need parental guidance to our kids if they wanted to watch this kind of shows. Again, it's the parents' responsibility to teach the kids!!!
Parents, please do something for your kids as they are precious to you and to our society!!!
2 people like this
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
24 May 08
I agree that parents are responsable for what they kids do but the problem is that today parents don't know what to do to protect their children from the society and the other kids and bad influences. If you forbid something to your child he will wanna do it even more just because it's forbidden, and if you let the child try what he wants and do what he wants he will do it anyway...not all the children will but most of them. When I was 18 I knew so many young people who were smoking joint and if they weren't using it they had at least tried it once, just to try. But the problem today is that kids just wanna fit in so they use it, in the beginning, just to be popular. 12 year olds are drunk every weekend and wanna kill themselves because the BOY or GIRL OF THEIR LIVES doesn't love them. When I was 12 I was playing with Barbie dolls and I would laugh silly if someone had a crush on someone.
@lieanat (1137)
• Malaysia
24 May 08
I agree that children nowadays are too smart and aggresive compare to us. But, things will change better if parents really spend time to communicate with their kids and not just leave the responsibility to others. Communication will not only help the parents to teach them the correct value, but it also build quality relationship. Parents should also set a good example to their kids too.
1 person likes this
@Raeyden (46)
• Singapore
24 May 08
Im afraid of what the future holds for the kids. ive been hearing horrible news about kids committing crimes and not even feeling guilty about it.
Some parents are even banning their children from using the computer or watching tv, just forcing them to study continuously.
I think if we have kids we really need to control them when they are kids so that in the future, when they are mature enough, they will be able to differentiate between
the right and wrongs..
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
25 May 08
The fact they don't feel guilty about it is the most alarming one if you ask me? What when wrong with this world that children don't understand that crime is something bad , what happened to people who have children today that they are not able to teach their kids right from wrong and what happened to the society that now the most popular kids are those who bully other kids, smoke and drink?
I know this 16 years ild girl who never drinks and she comes to my place and we talk and she told me that she really feels left out and that people consider her to be a freak. She was telling me about her friends who drink heavily and are even younger then her. So I wonder who is a frek here, them or her? And what happened to the society that some essential values are now considered as bad?
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
25 May 08
It is both society and parents and t.v.'s fault.It is everyone.Society is more violent/ Parents are too busy trying to make enough money for rent and food that they Both have to work and they can't or don't parent they way they used to. And there are many violent films and t.v. shows and video games. back in the day, when I was young, my dad worked and my mom stayed home. They could afford to do that. My mom Knew what I was watching on t.v. and it was way less violent.And besides,there were no videogames.But these days the kids are raising themselves because moms and dads have to work. There are very violent films and t.v. shows. And even if a parent is home , they may or may not know which videogames Johnny or Jane are playing.
But even if mom and dad aren't home. and the kids do see violent shows and play violent games, some kids don't break the law.so there must be something else.Is it guidance?Is it ethics?I don't know.
1 person likes this
@mychattime (1013)
•
23 May 08
That is terrible, there are loads of cases in the Uk about kids doing bad things, I partly put it down to parents as would you really let you 10/11 year old out at 10pm at night or later? I wouldn't, my son is 5 and there is no way I would let him hang round the streets at stupid times he will be home at a particular time and thats that. I think violence is down to the media and compter games etc, every night on the news there is bad news that is why we don't watch it very much. My son know the difference between right and wrong and I will continue to enforce that for the next however many years but even on certain programmes he ll turn round and say that is naughty, they will go to prison etc. The parents and peer pressure has a lot to anwer for nowadays! Violence and gang are far to easy to get into and it is glamourised so much which is completely wrong.
2 people like this
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
24 May 08
I think that prents should teach their children that every action has a reaction, if you do something good you'll get in return something good, if you do something bad something bad will happen to you.
About those children out late at night... I understand that is actually impossible to forbid it because every child says to their parents: Everybody is out that late, no one is out at 8pm so what will I do out at that time? So, I doubt any parent actually want his child not to have friends. I think parent should get together and organize activities of the youngsters but all the partents in one community because if it's only just few kids who don't wanna go out late at night and teh rest of them does, at the end those good children will get punished and it would seem as though they were the emarginated ones.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
24 May 08
Ithink it is from a lot ofcauses, mostly bad parenting.
everyone is so intent on making money that taking care of
kids seems secondary when it should be primary. parents
are the kids first and best teachers and they should learn
how o parent before getting pregnant.there should be
classes in schools given to newly weds to show them
how to be effective and good parents and they should be
compulsory for all couples to have to take in order to
get married.
1 person likes this
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
25 May 08
I agree with you Hatley, there should be some kind of classes for newly weds and people who expact children. Sometimes I watch that show, where a professional nanny comes in a house with children and shows to the parents how to deal with their children. Usually, just little bit more time spent with the child, walk in the park and little bit affection make a big difference. If someone is a parent it doesn't mean that he/she knows how to deal with certain situations so a professional help can really do a lot of good. Unfortunatelly, the fact is that we usually have to change ourselves first if we want to change our children and that's the most difficult thing. Everybody would like to change someone else but finds it really difficult to change him/herself.
@bubblyapple (2653)
• Philippines
23 May 08
These are the times that we don't have anytime for finger pointing or blaming. At this point, since these things have happened already, the best we could do is look for solution on how prevent further acts like this. These could be prevented if the home, school and community come together to think of ways to engage these children in positive activities. Also, thinking of ways on how to talk to them that they wouldn't feel threaten.
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
24 May 08
I agree with you there's no point in blaming but I think that it would be good to determin what's wrong and to do that we need to find out who's to blame to be able to resolve the problem.There's no point in talking to the kids when they already become deviant we should eduacate the parents, teachers and people who are responsable for education of the children because if the children are left to themselves there's the worst things are going to happen every day. If NOW they do what they do I can't even imagine what will happen when they grow up.
@cjgrooms (4456)
• United States
24 May 08
Society as a whole has let deviant behavior become "normal" in music , games, and on t.v and the kids are actually being rewarded for this behavior when they play these games and watch others be rewarded (singers) for violent behavior in their music videos (not just rewarded in the video) but in the things they can get away with in life because of who they are. I have 4 children 2-grown and two just hitting puberty. We have always been pretty strict about what they watch on t.v.,the type of games they are allowed to play (some of the ones for preteens we will not let them play because of the violence). It is scarey to watch what is going on with children these days and the only way i know to protect mine is to be vigililant and Talk , talk, talk to them so they know what is acceptable and know that they can come to you about ANYTHING. At least that's what we are trying to do. Good Luck.
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
24 May 08
That's what I think too, the deviant behaviour became even more than normal it became something that makes the kids popular amongst their friends...otherwise they wouldn't tape their crimes and show them around.
You are right the most important thing today is to talk about everything with the children, but not only when they hit the puberty because then, as they aren't used to talk with their parents, they find it difficult and strange to open up to their parents. Comunication is something that make each relationshio work how between 2 lovers the same with parents and children.
1 person likes this
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
25 May 08
They may still end up in some type of trouble,reguardless of what you do or say but hopefully it will not be horrific,just foolishness. Children are a joy but they take work and attention--their worth it- but if they don't get it everyone may end up paying the price!
You said it really nice and I agree. If we decide to have children or if it happens and we decide to take the responsability and bring this child to the world we must understand that we won't be the center of univererse any more because they will be.Puberty is difficult but if we don't make our children feel confortable talking to us when they are little they won't do it even when they grow up.
@cjgrooms (4456)
• United States
24 May 08
I have been very lucky, my children has always been able to come to me about anything, my 13 year old (son) has no problem asking me ANYTHING and although my face may be beet-red from embarrassment(i was raised that there was some things you DIDNOT talk about) i always answer honestly. The fact that i have answered his questions and not acted like he was asking something he shouldnt since he was little (he has always been curious about everything). I have raised all 4 of my kids this way but he is the most curious of them and the one that will come to me and not his dad (which is fine as long as he comes to one of us)most of the time. If you can't or won't communicate with your children, your lost before you began. They may still end up in some type of trouble,reguardless of what you do or say but hopefully it will not be horrific ,just foolishness. Children are a joy but they take work and attention--their worth it- but if they don't get it everyone may end up paying the price!
1 person likes this
@jdyrj777 (6528)
• United States
26 May 08
I like you do not understand why these kids are like this. I had a girl child that was taken by her father when she was less than a year old. I didn't fight to get her back. I went to visit her once and he raped me. He brought her to see my grandmother a couple times but it was made clear that he didnt want me to see her. At the time i thought she would be fine with his family. They were more well off than mine. He was getting a college education as a juvenile officer. Me just a jr high drop out. I felt in the long run she would be better off there. Haveing everything she needs and a lot of what she wants. My daughter at the age of 19yrs committed murder on a male friend of hers. There were others involved. I wont go into details. Except to say it was just senceless. It really messed me up for a loing time after. She is 36 now and will be there till she is 65. I dont understand her or any of the other senceless things they do.
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
26 May 08
I made a lot of mistakes in my life but mostly because I thought I was doing everything as it was supposed to be done, and in the end, now when I think back I would do so many things differently. I am sure you thought your child would be better in a better family but it turned out it wasn't like that. Who knows what kind a life she had, maybe he did bad things to her too, sometimes people who are abused just do the same because they just don't know better.
I am sorry for your daughter and for what happened to you.
@Remembering1996 (2219)
• United States
23 May 08
That is truely aweful and I would have to agree w/ the others for look at the video games, movies, and other things these parents are letting their children do. If they try and take a closer look at what their children are doing on a daily basis they will see for them selves but most don't see anything wrong w/ what their children are doing and wonder why they end up like most of them do. We can't tell them what to do only hope that they see what is truely going on and make a change for the better but most times even doing that it is to late. It is truely scary raiseing our children in the world we live in today trying to protect them from evil and harm and teach them right from wrong.
2 people like this
@sxrxnrr45601 (1171)
• United States
25 May 08
The finger I feel Has to be pointed in order to get to the source of the Problem! The Goverment the local and state laws Make it hard to be a "good Parent" and even in same cases I Feel the finger should be pointed at the parent
or parents I have been a single parent for many years except in the last 3 years and I have met someone. But I must say that being a single parent is one of the hardest things i have ever done and I messed it up bad If i would have just taken the time and had the sense to not let my young son to have a lil to much freedom Thank god I caught it in time so shame on me. But from my own thought the laws make it hard to punish our childern as we see fit iam not saying beating our kids abuseing them and so on and so forth but a smack on the bottom never hurt anyone I think it all starts at home with the kids I am a strong beleaver that a good home cooked meal and sitting at the table and eating dinner as a family we do this every nite
its very sad how kids are now a days its sad I think what these kids are doing and then think back to when i was that age and cant just fathem ever doing something like that at that age the world has become a evil place and no one can change it but us so who should the finger be point at "US" as the adults as the leaders of this modern world
we have messed things up pretty bad and do not count your self out to fast have you have litered bought gas so on so fourth was have all done it so we are to blame theres a thought!
1 person likes this
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
26 May 08
I agree that a good cooked meal and a dinner at home can only do good to children. my mother never let me watch tv during the meals when I was little and I used to get so jealous when we went to visit someone and they had the tv on for almost 24 hours. Now I have a friend whose family is like that, they never talk, just watch tv and when they need to talk they fight. When my friend was younger her mother used to come to ask me about her daughter's stuff because her daughter never talked to her. I knew it was the fault of tv and her too because she never talked to her child but I always tried to help her if it was something important she came to talk about. Although I must admit that several years ago when she started complaining about her daughter little too much to me I just said, in a very polite way, I am really sorry but I don't think your daughter is the only one to blame but you have to bear a part of the guilt too. I thought she'd get mad with me because I am much younger then she is, but then she told me that she knew she made so many mistakes and that if she could turn back the time she would have done many things differently.
I think tha each parent who tries hard is a good parent, nobody is perfect so everybody can make a mistake in life and with children, but the most important thing is to try hard.
@danishcanadian (28955)
• Canada
25 May 08
I can't believe what this world is coming to, and what kids are doing to ohers. I can't beliee that one person would do that to another, but the fact that these kids are between 10 and teenagers, is just downright SCARY!!!
