What has been your most difficult struggle in life?

Life is a constant struggle. For me, I have never felt a time when there was nothing there for me to wrestle with. Sometimes I wished that my life had been different, a thought quite untenable and improbable but, I realized that no one was responsible for my life except myself and I decided to change my life, rearrange my dna and make my life better. I think I am succeeding because I am seeing a little bit of success in my life. As an example, I found one of my tea plants uprooted (this had happened the day before where a frog had taken over the pot) and I shooed the frog away and re-planted my tea. Pretty soon I saw movements from beneath as though the planting medium was extruding. On closer examination, I found a female frog was laying buried deep under the coco coir dust which I used for planting medium. The softness of the material and the wet dampness was ideal for laying eggs so they have taken over my pot and made it their honeymoon suite. I let them have it; the female is still there, the male had gone away and I presume will come back soon. This is one of the successes that I am currently having. Great, isn't it?

First of all, mine is personal, but I'm willing to share it to help out others. I was having some medical issues that had me out of work since October (long story you can read about in my other posts). November of last year I OD'd on Ambein CR. I don't remember much of it because I was out of it. I remember having to stay in CCU with a "babysitter" until they convinced me to go up to the behavioral health unit. I thought it was a fluke, refused to be there and got out as soon as I could. Then in January it happened again, with Tylenol PM. This time I was awake for everything (the charcoal drinks that I had to drink last time, my stomach being pumped). It was the worst time in my life. I vowed to get it figured out so I was all for staying in the behavorial health unit this time, and even signed on for a couple of extra days! This hopsital diagnosed me with major depression and bipolar disease. They sent me to a day program at another hospital, where I was diagnosed with major depression and borderline personality disorder. I'm on meds for everything, still working on finding out what dosages of which medications work. I have to go to a psychiatrist and a therapist. I'm still out of work, and will be for a while. I had short-term disability from work, then had to be terminated once that ran out. I'm awaiting to find out if I'm eligible for the long-term disability through them. I've applied for SSDI, but that will take months before I find out if I'll be eligible. I go to DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) once a week and my therapist once a week, and the psychiatrist once a month for prescriptions. So, to answer your last question - I've made it through some of it, but still have a lot to do before it's over, if it's ever over. Once we get the meds situated, I could possibly go back to work one of these days.