How soon is too soon to look for love?

Hmmm_ rsa, that is the dilemma. I know the rebound effect comes from wanting to fill the empty space in your heart where love used to live. I don't think that's what I'm looking for and that is what I'm afraid of. No one ever forgets someone they loved, but it doesn't mean I'm influenced by it. The decision is mine, I know. I wondered if anyone had experiences to share that might help me. And no, I can't be positive I'm ready for love. Is it wise to try and discover this by meeting someone new?

Then you go! Go! Go! and find that prince charming of yours. Just don't forget what you've learned from the past relationships to avoid going back to it again. Enjoy life it's all we have left and choose to be happy. :D

Thanks for the vote of confidence. Watch out world, here I come, I think. :)

Yes, that's exactly what I'm trying to avoid. I don't want any left over feelings to contaminate a new relationship. I also learned to be careful next time I meet someone.

kun_ I like your shadow analogy. I have heard of people meeting the love of their life right after a break-up. My experiences with change have taught me no one changes for anyone else. If they do, it's not real. A person only changes if they make a decision within, without being influenced by someone else. Guys like contradictions in a woman? Did I read that correctly?

Some ple do really change for their partner and for the relationship.. I dun mean guys like woman with contradictions, wat i meant was, as a woman, having contradictions will mean more opportunities for u to meet new guys.. ANd only u yourself will know it as u need not announce to the whole world and tell all the guys that u are not sure on starting a new relationship ^_^

I think I understand now. I'll agree with you that someone can change to benefit the relationship. A couple is happier when the relationship is the most important thing, not the individual.

It's not as perfect as everyone perceive because it was like a "you and me against the world love story" because he is 19 years older than me and he has a problem with mobility. Other than those things, I can't see anything wrong. My mom now agrees with me that men do mature late so I chose someone mature enough to deal with me and my hangups in life. Life is not a bed of roses and we just have to count our blessings and be happy with it. Don't be in a hurry to find love, it will come your way in God's time.

My daughter married a man who is 23 years older than she is. Our family was so upset, but they've been married for ten years. His health isn't the best and I wonder what will happen when the years go by. They don't have health insurance. She says she's happy, but all evidence is to the contrary.

chrysz_ Thanks for taking so much of your time trying to help me out. I've heard both sides of the online dating thing. The only reason I was thinking about it is because there's no one here to socialize with. I'm living in a city I don't really like, and most of the guys here are real losers. No jobs, drinkers, stuff like that. But, you never know. Am I over the pain and bitterness? I don't think I experienced bitterness so much as pain and sorrow. I feel peaceful now. We'll see how things go along. Your story sounds like the perfect kind of love and romance we all hope for.

Yea, that's what I figured. I know I need a break, but how long a break? The last relationship didn't work because I'm an idiot who trusts everyone. I agree with the online dating thing_ You don't know who you're really talking to. I'm thinking there's no harm in finding out if there is anyone I might want to just 'talk to?' I'll check out eHarmony and see how much that one costs. Maybe the websites are so costly to ensure no one joins 'just to check it out.' They only want people who are dedicated. I'm learning about what I'm thinking by responding to comments. Thanks for hearing me out!

That's a story I never heard. You found someone only two weeks after a beak-up and she is the girl of your dreams? I wonder if you were putting out a certain kind of vibes that she picked up on through cosmic or coincidental meetings?

You are a very compassionate person and your partner must be thrilled that you love her. I caught that part about 'putting out.' Nice play on words. Very funny.

When you meet a right one, you meet a right one... I wasn't exactly planning on meeting someone after break up of 9 year relationship... It just happened... I have no clue what I was putting out but I was putting out something... ha ha ha... All I'm saying is, of course there will be period of depression of some degree, may be even a grief, I don't know... But when I've decided to be myself again, some would say it was too soon, some would say not but reguardless, that's when I found my girl-friend, or I should say that's when a relationship happened between me & my girl... I was at a point that I really didn't care what people thought of me cause I wasn't really out looking for anything... I was just being my goofy self & she liked what she saw & decided to pursue me... I was afraid of it first, previous relationship so fresh in my head & afraid of getting hurt all over again but then excited at the same time when I realized where our relationship was going... One thing I was most afraid of was that I didn't wanna hurt this girl just in case I was feeling this was on a re-bound type of thing... We moved slow enough for me to realize that wasn't the case & now we're happier for it...

I was wondering if I would meet some on mylot. So far, I see more girls than guys. If I open my heart, I have to be cautious and careful about who comes into my life. I wasn't looking for love when I met that man, and the way we met each other made me think this was the guy. I know someday everything will fall into place. I'm okay until then. I picked up somewhere that eventually a person will reveal their true identity through e-mails, you can't fake who you are for a long time. Thanks for caring enough about me to leave some advice in my discusson.

whiteheron_ you're so very wise. I'll try all your suggestions. It seems like a good place to start. I do need to pay attention to my fears. I think a big part of my problem comes from there. I want to be loved, but I'm afraid if I ask for too much, or I make someone angry, I will lose their love. Those strange feelings come from ghosts left inside me because of my childhood. I thought I had healed years ago from that trauma. I'm determined to start over again, leaving the past where it belongs, and awakening into my true identity. When that happens, watch out world!

sxrxnrr_ I will remember to aim high and I won't settle for less. If I find someone, maybe your thoughts and prayers sent the right person my way. Thanks for you compassion. Your partner is blessed with your presence, as I am with your words.