My mother-in-law called her grandchild a spoiled brat.
By cream97
@cream97 (29087)
United States
May 26, 2008 2:53pm CST
I was told by my sister-in-law that her mom called my daughter a spoiled brat. The reason why she called her this is because, my daughter used to cry a lot. She did not have colic.. I believe that she used to cry like that, because she could sense the bad vibes in the house... Well both of my sister-in-laws clarified this with my mother-in-law. They was trying to tell her that not all babies are not alike, some will cry while others will not... Was this nice for her to say...? As a mom, I felt really bad when I was told that she said this..It made me feel like she hated my child.. But when she is around me, she wants to be around my daughter.
1 person likes this
18 responses
@makingpots (11915)
• United States
27 May 08
I can't help wondering why your sister-in-law told you. I doubt she hates your child. Some people just forget what it was like to be around babies.
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
27 May 08
Ain't no forget! My mil has taken care of her other grandkids and trust me, she knows what it is like to be around other babies! My sister-in-law, used to leave her kids on my mother-in-law all of the time, so she has had ample time to learn all there is to know about babies. Her comment was totally unacceptable..
@makingpots (11915)
• United States
27 May 08
I realize now from seeing some of your other discussions that you have some issues with your mother in law. Forgive me, but she seems a bit like an immature, inapproriate person to me. That was completely an unacceptable thing to say about your child. You are in a difficult situation, my friend. I feel for you.
@judy43 (299)
• United States
27 May 08
That wasn't very nice. You would think a grown up would not talk this way especially if she wants to be in the family. this causes bad feelings
@Maineeack433 (1)
• United States
1 Aug 08
Cream, I am helping my daughter who's in the military raise my 1 YO granddaughter temporarily. She is a beautiful child & yes is uncomfortable w/ strangers and feel its a benefit in some ways. My MIL is a 78 YO miserable SWF who lives in denial that she is bitter about life. She chooses to not make friends, her family chooses to remain distant from her except for my husband, her health is bad, she does nothing to change & lives in self pity. Everytime my MIL comes around her my granddaughter screams & wants nothing to do with her. I believe the statement that most children understand people way more then we can comprehend is true. Last night my MIL comes into the house, well the screaming commenced. The MIL proceeded to say You are such a brat & was serious. I got hot under the collar & will discuss with her tonight how name calling is not allowed in my house especially an infant whos only way of expressing herself upset is by crying. I feel the real issue here is my MIL is taking the crying as a personal attack instead of realizing dah this is a baby. Children are ok if they know they can trust you & if they know you are there for them. So the choice was verbally attacking an infant instead of trying to make the situation better. Sheesh its a wonder my husband turned out so wonderful.
@nilzerous1 (2434)
• India
26 May 08
I do not like people who just can't tolerate babies crying. She must understand this is a part of life of every baby. You can not cite a single example where a normal baby has grown up without dropping tears. It is common, natural, and as per doctors opinion, it is a healthy practice as it too some extent contributes to their exercises.
I just fail to understand what metal is your mother-in-law made of? - Stone, or something else?
It is really extremely disappointing to listen to such comments. Anyway, if it is the first occasion, simply take it as a loose comment; and if it repeats, do not hesitate to let her know how bad you feel hearing such senseless comments.
Your last line seems to be more natural and it reflects that she might have a human-heart too. Although I have strong doubt!
@Crimson888 (72)
• Singapore
27 May 08
Children are like that.... They will tend to cry very often because they could be afraid or maybe they want to attract attention... We cannot blame them... If a baby or children never cry before, then something could be wrong with them...
From my point of view, your mom could be feeling fustrated or lost patience with your daugther as she could be crying for the whole day... We cannot blame your mom also.. This is human nature because when you cannot get something right, you will also tend to lose your patience..
I believe your mom said that your daughter is a spoil brat could be just some anger words as she cannot take her crying anymore.. Try spending more time with ur mom and make her understand that you never spoil your daughter... All parents love their children and I believe that your mom also do...
@Crimson888 (72)
• Singapore
20 Jul 08
Very sorry about it... I did not read your post carefully and got mixed up.. I really don't mean it.. I sincerely apologize to you... Very sorry..
@angel_kaycee (1112)
• Philippines
27 May 08
i don't think crying a lot means being spoiled brat. and as far as i have observed spoiled brats don't really cry much. because they are more of a war freak type. they only cry for acting as part of their being spoiled brats. i don't have my own child right now. but i do taken cared of my younger cousin i have watch her since she was born and treated her like my own. when i heard someone says she's a spoiled brat even our grandmother, i flared up. its not right to call children by bad names. they might grow up being what they used to say.
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
27 May 08
Yes, this is very true what you have said.. My daughter could grow up acting like what she said that she is... I just wonder, why she did not have the guts to say this to my face! That is why I choose to not leave my kids alone with her at all.. I have my reasons, and they are good ones..
@newtondak (3946)
• United States
27 May 08
First, I would consider whether the sister-in-laws are a reliable source of information. Unfortunately, sometimes family members "tell tales" just to start friction within the family.
Second, even if grandma did say such a thing, sister-in-laws were obviously trying to cause trouble by telling you that she said it - they knew that it would hurt you, but they told you anyway.
The best resolution is to go to grandma and tell her what you have been told and where you got your information. Tell her that such a comment was very hurtful to you and not a good way to establish a relationship with you or your daughter.
@newtondak (3946)
• United States
27 May 08
Yes, unfortunately, we can't always trust what other people tell us. Unless I've heard it directly from the source, I don't take it as the honest-to-God truth.
Of course, you also run the chance that the person who originally made the comment will deny that they said it - but when you know the person, and you're eye to eye with them, you can generally tell if they're being truthful.
This is not the first time that something like this has happened..
@lucy02 (5015)
• United States
27 May 08
It depends on how your mother in law said it really. It could be that she was just joking about everyone giving her lots of attention. I have heard lots of grandparents say their grandchild was spoiled but then admit that they were the ones who spoiled them.
@ldybgsgma99 (798)
• United States
27 May 08
Sounds to me like your mother in law is the one that is the spoiled brat. Did she have perfect babies that didn't cry or something? Just because a baby cries doesn't make them spoiled and she should really apologize for what she said. You are a much nicer person than I am cause I would have told her off and not allowed her around my child until she did apologize.
@sharine_l (78)
• Philippines
27 May 08
all babies cry...not just because they cry almost all the time dosen't mean that they are spoiled brats. I understand how you feel. just dont mind your mother in law and just give all your attention to your kid
@lilybug (21107)
• United States
27 May 08
First of all, a baby who is only a few months old cannot be spoiled. It takes time to spoil a child. I have read your posts about your mother in law before. I gotta say, I feel bad for you. It was very unkind of her to talk about your daughter like that. At the same time I feel that it is something that your sister in law should have kept to herself instead of upsetting you by telling you.
@Buttercup11 (274)
• Canada
27 May 08
Not only was your child not spolied, she was nurtured. When a child cries and is responded to, they learn that they are loved, and that they can trust that love. Studies have shown that babies who are quickly responded to as infants cry less and are more easily comforted when they are one year old. Babies do not cry for things that they don't need. And young children do not manipulate, but rather can learn to use their behavior to manipulate if allowed. For instance, my 18 month baby girl gets so frustrated sometimes that she will bang her head on the nearest solid surface. Her feelings are so big she has no way to express them. I always try to catch her before she does, or I call out, "Don't hurt your head!" and sometimes she'll listen, but I don't give in to her because of the behaviour. If I did, she would quickly learn to bang her head to get her own way. You MIL's thoughtless comments should never have been spoken, but maybe they weren't meant. ehaps you should talk to her about it and see what her issue really is.
@magrylouyu (1627)
• United States
27 May 08
I'm sorry but I would be very upset with my mother in law for something like this. My family knows better then to put my children down. I will speak my mind and tell them exactly how I feel about what they had just said. I would confront your mother in law about this and tell her you want an applogy! She is only a baby for crying out loud. This is how she communicates!! I hope everything works out. I bet you have a very beautiful daughter.
@welshdai (77)
•
27 May 08
i think it a bit harsh to called your daughter a spoiled brat.i mean if she was young all kids cry,my nephew only cry at certain things or when he wanted something,but you are right all babies are different and it sound like yout mother in law,like to moan and is happy when doing so.
it not nice for her to say and you could always ask and said you were told,as it could be way of your sister in law maybe causing problems,but it might not be,just a bit of advice there.
@pholdermomof3 (214)
• United States
26 May 08
At what ages was this? She could have been acting like a spoiled brat and that is why your MIL said that. Once again I think you are overthinking things. Would you have been as offended if it would have been your niece or nephew? I have told my nephews they are brats because they are!
@ayumitakashi (4462)
• United States
26 May 08
Wow. That is awful. I mean all babies are supposed to cry and there is not reason for her to say that. I used to cry a lot and am still sensitive to a lot of stuff but none of that means that someone is spoiled. I think that it was wrong of her to say that to her own grandchild.
@kezabelle (2974)
•
26 May 08
No thats a bloody awful thing to say about a baby!!! Some babies cry be it through colic or just because they want to that doesnt make them spoilt. As bad as my partners mother is she has never gone so far as to call my children names, she wouldnt be seeing them until she apologised if she ever did that!
@sisterjinx (1135)
• United States
27 May 08
Your MIL is much like my MIL used to me. (she has passed away) It sounds to me like she is NOT happy unless she is making someone else miserable or hurting someone else. You either need to ignore this and just know that nothing she says is valid or has any worth or you need to separate yourself from it. You cannot be around her negative energy all the time or you are going to drive yourself crazy.
@jessieBee (1046)
• Trinidad And Tobago
26 May 08
Cream that was a pretty bad thing for her to say.
But she doesn't hate your daughter, i believe she loves her never the less. Sometime grandparents say bad thing that they don't alway mean.
Yes bad vibes could be a reason that made her cry. Children sense things beyond our explanation. I understand why you felt hurt, it would've hurt me also.
Keep in mind that she is her grandmother and everyone is entitled to his/her opinion. Laugh it off don't let her know it got to you.
If you don't you will just be giving her the strength to continue.
