Unsolicited advice

hello juliefaye:))))) I see that myself here in mylot all of the time. Why ask something of a community when all you really want is like minded people to agree with your perspective? I don't understand it either. Sure there are cultural differences but most of the time you see those right off the bat and can ignore them, or file them away as such. But when someone is being respectful and giving a heart felt response and they get dumped on for it, it bothers me, Don't ask if you do not want my opinion.

She may have thought that she would get support for her descision. And not getting that she is being human and going to do what she wants to anyway. I myself may end up doing what i want but all the different points of view will likely make me at least slow down and take another look. Of course when i was a teenager and no one else had any sense i probably would have just dug my feet in and went full steam ahead until i hit a brick wall.

I just noticed many discussions about personal problems. Most of those discussions are about just venting not about advice. I stay away from teenager discussions, because like you said, they are not really looking for advice. Cultural difference always play a huge role but common sense is common sense. Teenagers are always upset with parents. They don't know what to do with hormonal imbalanced. Teenagers can be also very upset with advice....

I guess, because, the teenager is still in the process of accepting that what her/his decision maybe could be right. Probably she is psyching up him/herself, and is calculating the disappointments she/he is causing her parents. In a way, with the responses from the fellow mylotters, she is still weighing her decisions. There are lots of factors involving certain decisions, and seeking advices, although most of the time, it may sound irritating that the person seeking has a decision made already, but in reality, like most of us, hearing suggestions can lead to several factors in really arriving a final decision. Haha! As I am rereading this, I have realized I might be confusing you. Anyways, have a nice day! :)

As a teenager myself, I really need to gather opinions or suggestions during the lowest time in my life or when in trouble. This way I could triumphantly draw a wise and right decision. You know its hard to decide on our own, we really need some advice. Well, you are right when you say cultural differences plays a big factor. Attitudes, decisions and how they handle certain circumstance in their life really differs from young people who came from different way of life or customs.

Teen agers are very difficult to understand at times. Just remember just because she/he stood to her original thought of what she/he thought was right and fought tooth and nail, doesnt mean that she/he did not learn anything. Sometimes we just figure it out later on after. As adults do you sound like your mom? My mom will hear me say something and be like OMG you were listening to me. lol

I feel that people in general would want to hear what they like to hear. Then why ask for advice? It is only wishful thinking that another person would echo one's own thoughts.We can always sense this while talking to the person because they would be giving signals. On the other hand some people seem to be genuinely in need of advice and this is seen clearly.At least they would be getting different perspectives on the same issue.That is why. This is more in the case of some inner confusion where the person has not yet come to even a vague conclusion though the mind is likely to have shown a probable path.Herein getting other people discuss the same topic with different view points reinforces one's confidence in the conclusion that is at the formative stages.

She probably just needed to have people agree with her to make her feel better, or more confident about her decision.

I haven't figured that out either, yes there are cultural differences here that's what makes it diverse. However, some of the discussions that have been asking for advice, first off I don't need to go online to some discussion panel and ask what I should or shouldn't do, no offense but no one here really knows me, with the exception of one (Charlotte) lol. And I don't need to ask if I need to move or do I need to stay with some jerk, I can answer those all by myself. It seems that most of the time they are just wanting to have backup for whatever the issue is, they only want those that agree with what they have already set their mind too. That's why there are some discussions I don't even respond too, I'm not going to give someone advice when I don't know the whole story to begin with, and have only a part of the big picture to go on.

You're right. Be open minded when you open a discussion or even in responding. Everyone of us are entitled to our own idea. Wether you agree or what is not the issue. If you think the comment is helpful, then keep it, if not, just thank him/her for sharing their ideas. Anyways, final decision will always be in your hands.

Teens already feel like their grown-ups and I guess it depends on that teen if she's looking for to prove her parents wrong, you know that could be the case. Some teen find it really hard to take orders from their parents. To me she doesn't look no further than what she/he wants or what they want to do, even though consequences come along with their actions. To me a teen shouldn't have certain decison makings. If they get into trouble, the first person that the law is going to look for is the parent. They are children and certain things they shouldn't be allowed to make decisons on. I don't know if it is a cultural factor. I have seen all nationalities (mother/father) crying, upset at what their teen has done. I do think it depends on the individual (mother/father) their upbringing and what they believe in.

Teenagers often dont know how to deal with thier current situation and they look for answers to those problems even though thay may already know that answer. many times when thye are looking for answers they are just looking to confirm that thier judgement on how to handle whatever is going on is the right one, or if they need to change thier thinking. it could be a lot of different things. now if there are arguments that are sprining up about these subjects and the us the responders are the one arguing, perhaps we lost prespective on whats going on here, because at that point the issue is no longer trying to help the person asking the question, but rather, proving our answers are the right ones and disproving everyone else. a lot of different suggestions can be made and the one asking the question is then free to decide which ones they like. she may even decide a mixture of some of them is what is giong to benifit her. then again she may decide that none of the answers are going to help her. but it does us and her no good to argue over differences in opinion. just agree to disagree.

I think we ask advise so we can see both sides of the facts. I post discussions knowing what I think and with the intent of not changing my mind. But with the interest in what others think and how they see the situtation. We can start a discussion about anything regardless of the outcome, so why does it matter.

I think people post in the hope they get the answers they want to justify to themselves the decision they have already made. We all do it - seeking approval from others, most often because we know the decision we have made isnt the right one.