something like a life story.

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i just want to say this befire anything;mom and vee-if you are reading this,im sorry if you didnt know these things already but i feel as though im 18 now and i need to get this off my chest. i love you guys - - anywho; so i just posted another discussion before this about me being a lesbian and how i had boyfriends as a cover up. now the 1st boyfriend i had was my first everything. BUT-i didnt want him to be my first everything so sonn [if you catch my drift]. we were together for about a year and 2 months. during the first few months he won my mother over,but not so much of my sister becuase she didnt like the idea mommy was letting me have a boyfriend in the first place,not saying my mother was all for it in the beginning but she was i guess,trying to give me a little freedom at the age of 13. so anyway,this guy i was with won my mom over and after he knew he had her,she just turned on me for the worst,and im so little and young i dont know what to do. we seen eachother everyday in school,had every class together,and we spent time toqether almost everyday after school and all day on weekends and during the summer. and everyday we spent time,i got beat on. yes mom,every bruise i came home with that year was all from him and i onli lied because he made me cover up for him. i know you mom,and i know you know me and im pretty sure you werent blind then,you knew what it was. im sorry i lied all them times for him,and im getting to the reason why. he threatend me all the time if i wouldve told. anyways,the first summer we spent together,by the end of it,he decides to talk about kids. i told him i was not ready. we were only 14 years old,and we were JUST starting high school as freshmen;what do i look like having a kid that age? so,this is when the evilness came out of him once aqain,onli this time not onli did he hit me but held me down so i couldnt get away from him and you know the rest [if your smart]. so a few months later,i find out im 2&1/2 months pregnant. the saddest day of my life is yet to come. now mind you,before i got pregnant,i never believed in abortions and i mean NEVER! untill i looked at my sistuation. me nor my family were finatally [i spelled that wrong] stable,i wasnt old enough to get a job,it was literally the beginning of the school year for me as a freshman and i was already struggling with stress and the work. i was onli 14,i wasnt ready for this type of responsibility. so i did what i had to do. even though it was too soon to tell,i strongly believe it was a girl. her name wouldve been Julieanna Sharee` and she would be 3 if she was here on earth with me right now,her birthday was/wouldve been on may 7th [estimate date doctors gave me if i wouldve kept her]. i miss my baby,a lot. i find myself thinking of her when im angry at times. she calms me,i sometimes feel like she is right here with me. so aqain,im sorry mom and vee if this hurt you but the truth wouldve came about someway , somehow. i love you guys. and i love you julie,may you rest in peace.