A touchy subject

Sorry to hear that, you have lost your Mom. It adds to the sorrow when i read the reason your Sister in law gave. Naturally, i wont under any circumstance put any of my parent in an old age home,especially when she is having Alzimers. I just cant imagine.

It is so very easy to say I would never do that. But I work in a nuring home. I take care of the altzheimers people. It is very hard to cope with. They get aggresive, they slap, bite, hit, they don't know you. It is very hard for the families to accept that this is no longer the person that you knew. Altzheimers is a very nasty disease. Granted, I think I would keep a loved one at home as long as possible but when they no longer knew me or they were wandering, or aggresive then yes I would put them in a care center if for no other reason than their saftey.And mine. As a rule, the people who work in a care center are very caring concerned people. We are overworked and underpaid. But I don't know of a one of us that does it for the great pay checks. We are there trying to help because we want to be. It certainly is not a situation that you want to have to make a decision on.But there comes a point that you need to accept that their life has become very limited and is slowly drawing to a close, and that you still have your own life and responsibilites to manage. My Best to you whatever your decision.

I have no mother in law yet so i don't how to feel towards the situation but if it's my mother i wont let her in a place like that. I love my mother so much and I want to take good care of her until she finally go. She took care of me for long years and gave me everything she can and so it's time to repay it. Even if i have work I can hire someone and see her everyday after work in my own place..

While this is a very tough decision, if your sil can not cope, take her word for it. I understand and plan to take care of my parents. I have worked with people with Alzheimer's as well as their families. This is a very emotional draining job. She is not the person you knew. I also believe that most people while still in sane mind would prefer to be placed rather than give that burden. There is so much more to it than making meals and cleaning up. They go missing, don't know you, panic..... I would just research and interview the facility really well. Talk to people who have loved ones there. Also there are support groups, if you contact the Alzheimer's Association they can help. Good Luck, I know this is a VERY tough time.

I work in a nursing home and it's not so bad. I can tell you that it doesn't really matter where an Alzheimer patient is, they don't know where they are anyway and most of them are quite comical. Homes are not as bad as they used to be. The saddest thing is when people put them there and never ever visit. The staff is very, very nice and if they aren't they will surly be reported. There are state regulations and they are very strict. Everyone gets to know each other and everyone is somewhat like a family and we are all constantly thinking about ways to make life the best it can be for the people we have come to know and love. I think it can be worse for a family to have to try to take care of a loved one at home and have to constantly painfully watch them deteriorate and/or worry about them wandering away or getting hurt. I can understand your sister-in-law not being able to "cope". It's very painful for her to watch what is happening to her mother. I would not be upset with my children if they put me in a home one day. I lived my life, now it's their turn without me being a burden. The most important thing is to visit often.

As long as I have the energy and capacity, I will not do that to my mother. If I cannot take care of her myself, I would pay somebody (a nurse, caregiver, or someone) to take care of her, but in my house, not in some home for the aged. That is why I want to be rich! LOL! so that I always have a choice when faced with that kind of situation. I think I still have a little bit enough time because my mother is close to 70 but still healthy and strong and I can see no sign of alzeimers or anything like that.

My mother is 81 and suffers from bipolar and schizoid affective disorder. Her meds are not working as well as they should. I am able, thank God, to stay home with her and take care of her. She still enjoys getting out of the house but has some serious mood problems and paranoia. She is starting to get confused at times. I pray I will still be able to take care of her but I do not know what the future holds. I worked at a nursing home for a few years when i was younger and I remember how much attention and precautions that had to be taken with alzheimer's patients. I can certainly understand someone needing help. I have had to put my mom in the hospital a couple of times cause she refused to take her meds. She is still mad at me about this but we did what we had to do. She's also diabetic with heart problems and has had a stroke along with the psych problems so she has to take her meds. Her life could depend on it...but she wouldn't do it for me. She gets angry alot over the fact that I'm taking care of her and won't let me help her with things that she needs help with. As I said I pray I never have to do it but I understand that sometimes there isn't any other good choice.

Hi There My sympathies on the loss of your Mother. The loss of your mum is still very raw for you and im sure you feel it is cruel to use a home but Alzheimers is a progressive condition and as it progresses the person needs more and more help/supervision and I can imagine that would become almost full time. If you had a family to look after as well it could be extremely stresfull. Alzheimers is a cruel disease for families. Untidy

I would not put my Mother in any kind of home unless I absolutely could not help it. I brought my Dad to live with me in 2004. He was 85 and was having heart failure. He had never had any problems before this. He passed away late in 2004. My Mother has lived with me for years. I wouldn't know what to do without her. She will never go to a nursing home unless something really drastic happens to me. She has osteoporosis and high blood pressure, but at 79, she is doing great! It's a really hard decision to make, and nobody understands unless they have been there. It is very sad. I certainly feel for you and wish you the best.

It all comes down to personal choice. If you know she can't take care of herself as well as she should, and you taking care of her isn't an option, then you need to do what is best for her. Just be sure she dosen't feel forgotten.

Sometimes there comes a time when that is the best move, both for the senior and for the family. Often, the senior will be more active and continue to do more things for themselves if they are living apart from family. Family members tend to want to do everything for them while caregivers in facilities generally encourage them to do as much as they can for as long as they can.

I will never put my parents to any institution for aged person. I myself will going to take care of them since that is just only way of showing them how thankful I am to be their daughter. They afford to take care of me when I was young and I know that was a hard work for them so if they needed me now to take care of them I will willingly do that in return. To be put in any care center is very sad to any one. They feel that were abandoned by thier family. That none of the family member love them so it's really a no, no for me. I don't want my parents feel that they are not love and abandon

I'm so sorry to hear of your mother's condition. Alzheimers and senile dementia are extremely difficult to cope with and watch your loved ones deteriorate. I'm an advocate of assisted living and nursing homes. We took care of my great grandmother (90) when she first started showing the signs of senile dementia. When she started getting confused about who my brothers were and wandering off, we decided it would be a good move to put her into an assisted living facility. She did really, really well in the assisted living facility and we visited her ofter. She was able to get out more than she did when she was living with us, and we were able to enjoy the time we spent with her more. She went out once a week with her lady friends to get her hair and nails done; she was able to attend plays and functions; and she was able to go to the game room and play bingo and poker and that sort of thing. Her quality of life improved greatly when she moved out. As she started to show more and more deterioration, we were forced to move her into the Alzheimer's ward. These wards are very sad places, but it kept her from 'escaping' the assisted living facility and getting lost, even with the tracking bracelet. Being in the Alzheimer's ward kept her paranoia down and she was more functional. We visited every three days, so she had company and we were able to check up on her and make sure that everything was in order. If you decide to put her into a nursing or assisted living home, make sure that it's close to your home so that you can visit often and make sure things are alright. We did put my grandmother in one home where the staff was stealing jewelry and not keeping her clean, but we caught it before she lost all of her personal possessions and before she fell ill because we were there so frequently. It's very difficult to take good care of someone with dementia, especially when they begin to forget who you are and challenge you or leave the house and put themselves in danger. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you. That's a terrible position to be in, and it's very difficult to objectively decide whether it'll take too much of a toll on you to be a caregiver and whether she'd be better off in an active, social, controlled environment.