What is the difference?

Well Kamran I think your understanding of the language and your command of it is excellent! I guess we all have slightly different views but to me a narcissist isn't really someone who would like to be loved for who they are , they expect to be loved and cannot understand why anyone would not adore them - it just does not occur to them that they are not the centre of everyones universe. xxx

Hello mummymo!:-) As I said before, I am not challenging anybody's views here as such, just asking questions to better understand the concept from people who have better understanding of language and its terms. So, if I may, wouldn't a narcissist like to be loved for who he/she is? especially when he/she considers him/herself the most important and most lovable individual? "I think that we should constantly be evolving and learning and in that way we are constantly improving ourselves" I think this is respectable and is opposite to a narcissist because I don't think that a narcissist would see any need of improvement as he/she already considers him/herself more perfect. Thank you for sharing your perspectives:-)

"they expect to be loved and cannot understand why anyone would not adore them - it just does not occur to them that they are not the centre of everyones universe." This was one of the points I was trying to say. You said it better, thanks:-)

Hello sarah!:-) If one is not narcissist, then there must be things that he/she doesn't love about him/herself. If that's the case then how can we expect others to love us 'wholly' for what we are, when we don't love ourselves 'wholly'. To my understanding (as yet), saying that others should love us wholly is probably narcissism in itself. I am not actually challenging your view, I am trying to understand what goes in the mind of people who "expect" unconditional love. I hope you see what I am trying to say here. There are people in my life that I love unconditionally and wholly, not because they expect but because they deserve to be loved. Perhaps, if I think about it myself, there maybe an explanation. I am not fully convinced though.

If you love yourself " wholly" there isn't any room for anything or anyone else.I agree it is so selfish to " love" someone Only because you expect unconditional love back.That isn't love.To really love someone, you put their welfare and their pursuit of happiness over or at least as important as your own.It is purely a selfless act. Being wholly into one's self is a Narcissit to me.They don't have any time or desire for anyone else's feelings or views. That is why I Know that isn't you or me.Of course you must look out for yourself.But not only for yourself alone.

Thank you, sarah, for coming back. "They don't have any time or desire for anyone else's feelings or views" This is important in that it will distinctively separate a narcissist and a person who expects to be loved. The article that I read about it says that narcissists do expect admiration, affirmation and acknowledgment. But, it also said that it is still not well understood and the debate is not over about its boundaries. That is precisely why I put this question to understand it from people who have better understanding and knowledge of language and its expressions. Thank you for taking time to provide us with your perspectives:-)

Ok I get what you are saying I have to be really honest I could not love a someone like that, I know I could not no matter what other good Points they have, I have been in the Hands of 2 Rapists and I could never have feelings for a Person like that I guess I would not know but if I found out I would leave the Person, whether I loved the Person, I could not stay with that Person

I am sorry gabs, that my comment reminded you of some terrible experience, please know that that was not my intention.

Hello gabs!:-) I think, practically, when we love someone, we love them for who and what they are or, probably the love connection developed precisely because of what we thought who/what they were. As I said before in this discussion that I am trying to understand these concepts at their basics, so I asked questions in order to better understand peoples' perspectives. So, I'll ask you some question without argument because that's not my real intention. Do you think that when we love someone, we love them for who/what 'exactly' and 'wholly' they are? or is it that we love certain characteristics of/about them that are so important that we 'neglect' or 'ignore' other characteristics that we may not like. For example, we may love someone because they are truthful, handsome, intelligent etc. but at the same time they may also be killer or rapi*st. Should I love them 'wholly' for what 'exactly' they are? More important question is, should THEY 'expect' to be loved 'wholly' for who/what they are (a handsome intelligent killer/rapi*st)? and if they do, would it mean that they are in so much of their self love that their wrongdoings don't seem a problem to them? I know you are a loving and lovable person as my other friends are. I hope you see that my questions are more on basic philosophical and social level rather than on individual level. I am certainly not questioning the lovableness of any of responders of this discussion:-)

most narcissist are males and because the is no difference between male and female narcissist except two things: in the manifestation of narcissism, male and female narcissists inevitably do tend to differ.they emphasize different things, transform different elements of their personality and of their life into the cornerstones of their disorder and both conform to cultural stereotypes,gender roles, and social expectations. i think there are specific stats to show but because large percentage of narcissists refuse for counselling... thanks!

Thank you for coming back, chryss. I would still like to know the source study of your statistics, thanks!:-)

Thank you for your detailed definition of Narcissism and description of its causes. Analytically, you seem to be right that it would a problem more in men than women. I would, however, like to know the source work of this 75% figure, not to challenge but just to see how they performed their studies. Yes, earning respect is very respectable. Thanks for sharing!:-)

Hello Angel!:-) And, it's always nice to have you in my discussion!:-) "I consider myself in a state of growth and learning all of the time. Always room to improve on so many levels of my life." That is very important, in my view, Angel. I would think that a true narcissistic individual is a stagnant personality, without consideration of any roam for improvement. Because, he/she doesn't see a problem with him/herself, self love beyond a certain degree can't be expected otherwise. Unless and until we acknowledge our flaws, we can't correct them, without 'knowing' one's 'ignorance', one can't KNOW. You wouldn't be the only person having problems with pride and ego. Except for few, none that I have had a chance to meet with, were without these problems, including myself. I think that a certain amount of pride and self-love IS important and beneficial but only until it starts interferring with personal growth. Yes, for families, I do believe that there should be acceptance and love. Though, I also believe that the best relation that we could ever have is the one that brings us closer to perfection, the best out of us i.e. they care to see us better everyday. And hence, while they love and accept us, in general, they do wish to see us even better. Thank you, Angel, for sharing your perspectives:-)

Hello liuyungang521, Welcome to mylot. I hope you will enjoy your participations here:-) Why you feel embarrassed. whatever you think about the subject, please share!

I also think that one at they are perfect, bonbon664! Thanks for sharing your views:-)

Hello cdparazo!:-) "It is giving too much emphasis on how one looks and be recognized for that to the exclusion of all other qualities" Is it just about looks? or other qualities can also be part of narcissism? Is it possible that one is immersed in self love but is not demanding of the love from others especially given that we live in societies, are not isolate? Can they tolerate and/or understand the fact that others don't love them? You have a good point about human beings created perfect in the sense that they have everything to grow and achieve perfection. Probably a more appropriate term for humans would be 'potentially perfect' as, like you say, humans need to realize and reach their perfection. Thanks for sharing your views:-)

Hello spark:-) Isn't the positive love that you described needed for loving others and being happy derived from self esteem rather than narcissism? I do believe that every individual need to have a level of self love and should think some good of oneself to grow and to overcome difficulties in life so as to become more perfect. So, what do you think is the difference between narcissism and saying that others should love me 'wholly' for what I am?