Dealing with disappointed parents

parents expect lot of things from their children . i myself as a boy grew up ,following father foot steps; mostly people in india , take hereditary jobs. like if parents are doctors or engineer , they except the boy should be same. my father was a scientist by proffesion . but i joined commerce stream to his disappointment . later after 7-8 years in commerce stream , i changed to science , information technology . the results were better . my father was happy to have computer educated son . besides career in india , parents expect , children to be calm , well behaved . they should not fight or abuse. i have been peaceful , though if some times i quarrel or fight over something , i apolgise. the important thing is my parents understand my limitations , and forgive me.

Well I think I take the care regarding disappointing one’s parents. Being the only child of affluent parents, I did not lack anything in life. As is natural, my parents had high hopes on me…they sent me to a good school and wanted me to have a good career. But I chose to be mediocre. I could have pursued so many career options (money was never a problem) but instead am here as an ordinary office assistant with no future career. I could have married into a well-established family and a husband who’s equally rich and established. Instead while in college, I fell in love with a guy younger than me, poorer than us (very poor) and not established at all. I married ABSOLUTELY against their will. Rather I blackmailed them into getting me a ceremonial marriage otherwise I would have had a court marriage and that would have been more scandal in the family and neighbourhood. Now why I am saying you all these to you is because you seem to be frustrated in yourself and becoming an escapist. Never be! Whatever you do (even disappointing your parents) always believe in yourself. My parents used to chide me regarding my choice of jobs…I always told them that OK whatever I do, I got it on my own and am happy with it. They insulted my hubby and me many times after marriage…I stopped visiting them. Now after 11years of happy marriage and promotion of my husband in his job, the relations have become somewhat normal. If like you, I started feeling like a failure, I would have lost everything…my respect, my determination, my job, my husband. I would be like a parasite depending on my parents’ approval for everything! So whatever you do, be sure of that. If you are not and have goofed up, try and make the best of it without crying over it. No use crying over spilt milk…be positive, look ahead and one day your parents will definitely respect you. PS: Sorry to thank the One Above...He's been very very kind to me. Believe in Him.

My parents are usually always disappointed in me, but I've grown accustomed to it. I really don't care what they think about me. As long as I am doing what I feel is best and right for me, then nothing else should matter. If they have a problem, they can tell me, but just because they don't like something dosen't mean I'll change it.

Have you spoken to them about your feelings? More often than not, a lot of children feel this way but it is hardly the case. My brother used to think that he was a disappointment to my parents but in actual fact, my parents were quite proud of him, his achievements and so forth. All his ideas were just that - ideas - until he had a fight and he said how he felt by accident to my parents. I talk to my parents a lot - about my feelings, my worries, my successes and my plans. Over time this allowed them to see that I'm not perfect, am only human and therefore am likely to go through ups and downs. In turn, I stand to gain from their experience and this allows me to fail less often - they share with me their advice, suggestions and thoughts and I take it from there. Why do you think you feel like a total failure when your parents haven't said anything to you about it? Just because they don't tell you that they are proud, it doesn't mean that they aren't. It's just that sometimes it's hard for parents to say what they feel too... When I had a miscarriage, I knew my parents would be disappointed - my mum was pretty hurtful and my dad went into the whole lecture mode. It was their first time as grandparents and the miscarriage was actually a genetic problem more than my fault. Because I was far away, there wasn't much opportunity to talk so I emailed them about the whole situation and what really happened. My dad replied with very comforting words, words that explain that even though they were disappointed (as expected), they still mean well and they do care, and that they hoped that I wasn't angry with them and they both even apologize if they said anything wrong. The key is in communicating. If you don't ask, you'll just keep on guessing and assuming...

yeah ive disappointed my parents starting with the paople iv e dated to things ive done..... but wut really bothers me is that @ first they didnt say n-e-thang & then whrn they did they just wouldnt stop and now they dropped all communication with me which is evden worse cuz we all still live under da same roof and not talking 2 n-e-1 is like a living nightmare

I did it once and i was broken. Other than that particular instance i never ever disappointed my mom and what she did for me was good for me. And i always lived upto her expectations. THankfully

i guess i have not disappointed with my mom.. or maybe she was disappointed with me when i had a boyfriend before i graduated college. but i redeemed myself when i graduated from college and was able to manage having a bf. :)

Yes I have disappointed my parents when I got pregnant early and married young. I know I had and I felt I had. It was a long time ago and I know they forgave me and now I just make myself available to them when they need me. I am always there for them and I make them happy. I visit them and celebrate with them occasions like Christmas and birthdays. My parents are the nicest parents one could have and if they have been disappointed in me I am more disappointed of myself than they are now that I came to realize that I have made a big mistake. My parents don't show their disappointments and I know they got really over it. They are happy of my achievements now and for being there for them in times of needs.

I'm very lucky to have never experienced that over anything important. My parents realize that my life is my life and trust that the decisions I make are my mistakes or successes to make. They may not always be proud of the things I do, but I've never done anything they truly have been disappointed in. The handful of times they've disapproved or questioned my actions, they've told me, and I appreciate that. I want to know if someone thinks I'm doing something stupid or something they see as dangerous. Now, if I feel like what I'm doing isn't stupid or dangerous, it hurts a little. I'm very glad that my parents are forgiving and open minded. :)

Well being from the states I just sorta don't care about if they are disappointed in what I have decided to do with my life because they too are not perfect. Now, if they had lived their life the way that they wanted me to live mine that I would accept their disappointment and feel bad, but no one is perfect and setting your children in a mind set that they have to be is not realistic. I have learned more with my own children that you just love them no matter what they do, and that is how our parents should love us. Why would you want to dwell on the failures? Move forward and try to do what makes you happy.

:)