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Could you afford to leave your spouse?
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
United States
June 3, 2008 9:55am CST
I mean money wise, would a seperation or divorce be a realistic idea? Would you have the money needed to support yourself and your children, in case he did not pay spousal support?
Considering all the costs involved in a divorce or breakup, do you think it's worth the money to be able to start over? If you had to do it all over again, would you make different choices?
As for me, I'd have to consider many factors before leaving. I'm a stay at home mom now, so I wouldn't just be able to pick up and leave. I have to think of my child, first.
If I left, then I'd have to get a job, right away, with or without spousal support. And, I'd have to pay for babysitting or childcare and that would be expensive.
Of course, there's the emotional toll that a break up costs. For me, it would not be worth it. I'm happy now. But, even if I weren't happy, I wouldn't just leave him. I'd really try to work it out.
But, I'm not judging anyone for making a different choice.
What type of things would you need to consider before leaving your spouse? What type of preparations would you make?
2 people like this
6 responses
@anawar (2404)
• United States
3 Jun 08
beautyqueen_ I'm sorry for the women who can't leave abusive realationships because they don't have enough money. It's tragic. Some women, like me, do stay in bad relationships because they need health coverage and financial stability.
I stayed married (for the 2nd time) for 14 years trying to make the relationship work. I wasted my time.
I saved some money on the side when I started thinking I might leave my husband.
I decided I didn't care about money or security if I was miserable. My kids were grown at that time.
So, I gave up everything and walked away. I made things work that didn't seem possible and I know I made the right decision.
You're correct, there are several factors to consider before taking that drastic upset. I've touched on a few.
It's an individual choice and its more complex when children are involved.
If a person isn't sure what to do, and is only considering the option, think of what your life would feel like without him. Are you relieved, scared, happy? This mental exercise will help women to make a decision.
1 person likes this
@carlaabt (3504)
• United States
4 Jun 08
It would be hard for me to financially support my toddler if my husband and I were to separate, but I know that I could do it. Unless my husband gave me permission, I wouldn't be able to take my toddler home, so I wouldn't have any outside help at all, besides what my husband gave me. My husband would be required to pay child support, though. It would come directly out of his check before he ever even saw it.
The job market here is really good, though. I wouldn't have a problem finding a job at all. The worst part would be finding a reliable babysitter that I could afford, though. Childcare is extremely high here, and since my son is too little for school, I would have to find child care for him for the entire time I was at work. Childcare would definitely take the majority of what I would make here, since my cosmetology license isn't valid in North Dakota. I also have some student loans, and a credit card I would have to pay for. And I would have to buy a car, or pay for the minivan.
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
7 Jun 08
You've made a really good point about the child custody issue. Many women don't know about that part before seperation and find out when they try to leave the state with the child that both parents have to make the decision on where the child lives.
As far as your cosmetology license goes, wouldn't there be some kind of reciprocity agreement in force. I have a barber friend who got his license in one state and then used the reciprocity agreement with another state to get a license there when he moved. That's what he said anyway. Maybe it is different for cosmetology. Let me know. I have thought of doing cosmetology as well. And, I move around every five or ten years or so. So, getting a license in a new state would be most important.
@carlaabt (3504)
• United States
25 Jun 08
Some states allow you to get a license in their state with just taking their test and paying the fee, if you've already gone to school. Some say you have to go back to school for so many hours. Some count each year you've worked as 100 hours, etc. It really varies a lot from place to place. Since North Dakota is only the second state I've lived in, all I can tell you is that to have my license transferred here from Missouri, I would have to go back to school for 300 more hours, because MO only requires 1500 and ND requires 1800.
@SViswan (12051)
• India
27 Jun 08
If I had to leave my husband, as per the Indian custom, I would have to live with my parents....though some women do live alone with the kids. But in my case, I'd probably stay with my parents and they would be able to support me and the kids better than my husband does. My parents are financially much better off than we are. So, if I am in an abusive marriage and had to walk out, I would go to my parents or maybe move to another small place of our own and get him to pay for the kids' education (they are his kids too)...and I can then support the family with my salary.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
25 Jun 08
No I would not be able to leave, I have placed myself in a position of being totally dependant on him. Something that I always promised myself that I would not do, I am very vulnerable and so if he were to leave then in a nutshell I would be stuffed.
I was in a position just over a year ago where I should have packed up and left, or packed him off and did not, why? because I had just had my fourth baby and I was terrified of being alone with them with no money. So I stayed with him and worked through it, but I have to make some sort of provision for myself because nothing is safe and I need to know that if worst comes to worst I can provide for myself and the kids should I need too.
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
28 Jun 08
i cant afford it but i wouldnt let that stop me from it if i needed to
