Spanking

Yes, it is. I doubt that giving him something to read will help anything. My question is, where is your daughter in all this? If I was going to blame anyone, it would be her. After all, she is their legal guardian, not the fiancee. Have you talked with her about it? Was she in the habit of punishing her children this way? I'm not trying to be smart, it's just that at one time, I had small children and was on my own. If anybody, and I mean anybody had beat them with a belt, they would have been buried 3 days later. I never allowed boyfriends to punish my children - and isn't that all a finace is? How big her finace is has nothing to do with his punishments. He's a bully, plain and simple. He either has no clue about how children should be treated OR he doesn't give a d**n. But then again, I go back to your daughter in this. She is the one who is responsible for protecting HER children. If I saw bruises on my grandchildren, and knew that my daughter allowed her boyfriend to do it, I'd most likely give her a taste of it, too. I'd be sorely tempted to go over there with a nice leather belt and beat her with it. Something needs to be done, but I think you need to start with your daughter.

You need to call the authorities... NOW! That is definitely child abuse. That is assault and battery! Where are you? Are you in the U.S.? Call Social Services right away! This man will not stop because he reads an article or two. He will only stop when he is put in jail! Your grandchildren do not have to be put into foster care. Depending on the circumstances, your daughter may be able to keep them as long as her fiance is in jail and she takes out a protective order so that he, legally, cannot see the children. If they suspect her as an accessory because she knew about this and did nothing to stop it, or Heaven forbid, she condones his actions, you could be assigned temporary custody of your grandchildren. PLEASE do this for your grandchildren! They will never forget the abuse they are receiving right now. The longer it goes on, the more problems they will have growing up, and as adults. You can take out a protective order for yourself as well. You do not need a lawyer to do this, just go to any police station and ask about it. Letting those children get beaten until they're black and blue and not stopping it is almost as bad as doing it yourself. Please do this now! Don't wait! Let me know how you are doing. I'm going to be worrying about this now until I hear from you.

Yes this is a criminal act. If these kids go to school, and the teacher reports this the children could very well be taken away and put up for adoption. In Canada this kind of behaviour is not taken lightly by the Authorities. Get in touch with the school and with Child welfare. If you remain anonymous no one will know who you are. Ask for information and outline your problem. They will be able to Help.

Here is a link that you can show him! It tells about parenting classes and what the benefits are! It tells us what the effects of abuse and spanking are! http://www.extension.umn.edu/extensionnews/2001/PositiveParentingProgramResults.html

According to the department of human services, if a spanking leaves marks behind, then it is considered child abuse. I don't really know of any way that you could get him to stop without getting him in trouble. People don't like to change their behavior, as a general rule. Technically, though, if you called social services, they wouldn't necessarily get taken away from the daughter. She could just say she was too scared to call anyone and she would probably get to keep the kids...as long as she isn't doing the same thing.

Well that can be quite the touchy subject. Where i do believe that spanking is a very viable form of discipline, i can also see your point about leaving bruises behind. now a belt was use on me from time to time...as well as a wooden spoon and a good old fashioned hand. I think i even had an twitch of a tree taken to me once...and all deserved mind you, and i don't feel i was abused one bit. sometimes it was the only way to discipline me that would get the point across. And i don't think your son in law is being abusive per say. I do however feel that he needs to learn control with the instruments that he uses to deliver the spanking. a belt is fine if its not used to the point where it leaves bruises, and yes it can be done because whenever i got a spanking with a belt it never left a bruise. my mom was just that good. I think what you need to do is talk to him, and tell him your not trying to tell him how to do things because its not your house hold. just simply say something like "I'm really glad your making the effort to raise your son with discipline, i think that shows a lot of responsibility on your part and thats fantastic. I just wanted to let you know that i noticed that the last time you spanked him with your belt it left a ruse behind. now i realize that your not abusing him (cause he honestly might feel hes not) but if someone sees that bruise that doesn't realize this they might report you for child abuse and you could lose the kids and i don't want to see that happen because i know you love them very much. i just thought i would bring that to your attention in case you didn't realize that there was physical injury being caused." that may sound really corny but its a very diplomatic way of saying "hey...your going a little too far here and you need to back off" Its just a thought. And yes as you might tell, if i ever have children, spanking (not overdoing it) will be one of the methods of punishment that i will use, but only as a last resort and only if the situation required it. And the reason i would is because i feel that it teaches them that there are different types of consequences for their actions, sometimes serious ones. after all, many states use capitol punishment for the worst of the worst of criminals. if you don't teach them this concept early then they are going to do all manner of things that are wrong...its only a matter of time.

I agree with mentalward, you should call the authorities. YOU can take custody of the kids. The state would rather hand the kids over to family than have them go into foster care.

Hi deborahsavell, First of all may I say welcome to myLot. I hope that you will like it here and make both friends and money. I don't agree with spanking, and feel that it is never necessary. I would consider spanking with a belt as child abuse. Has anyone ever taught this man about the power of love? It works much better than spanking and makes better adults. Social services should be able to provide something that he can read, but then he would know that you had talked with them. I would rather report it to the authorities than see my grandchildren with bruises from being spanked with a belt. I believe you will have to do something if his attitude doesn't change. Blessings.

Report them to (cps)Child Protection Services.I know it a hard choice to make but someone must step up to the plate and help these children.If you have talked to your daughter about your concerns for your grandchildren to no avail and the abuse is still going on,then you have a right to report them to CPS.I read in the newspaper all the time about stepdads abusing their stepchildren as well as their own flesh and blood.He's a problem man and your grandkids should be rid of this man from their lifes.Some children never get over child abuse I know I was a victum from it myself.

Sweetie , you will have to take action , because that is abuse. I don't think they would take them away it is not your daughter doing it to them. I see you have been given much advice and information , and I hope it all helps you dear.

It definitley is abuse. If you didn't think it was wrong you wouldn't be questioning it. Smacking with a hand it one thing but using a belt is abuse. Its nasty and if your husband's fiance has to vent his angeron little children in this way how long before he has to do something much worse?

Ask your future son in law if he would expect to be whipped with a belt if he made a mistake at work?? Spanking says" I'm frustrated and too stupid to think of a way to help you correct your behavior so I will just smack you." The bible says "train up a child in the way he should go and he will not depart from it. the corret translation is NOURISH a child.... finally He needs to remember and so does your daughter that they are not his kids. What would Dr.Laura say???

Tell her that spanking achieves NOTHING. Trust me. The child does not learn what he should or should not do and what is proper behavior. The child only learns what he should or should not do in order to avoid beatings. The child develops fear of the abusive parent and will hide things from this parent as he grows older. Spanking creates a lack of trust and fear. Fear is not healthy in a relationship between a parent and child.

Of course its child abuse! You should not allow him to do that again to your grandkids! I do spanking but not to the point that they would have bruises! That's different.. You should talk to your daughter regarding that matter and tell her that what her fiancee is doing is not healthy for the kids! She should be the one to take the action! By that, she should have realized that her fiancee doesn't love her kids because of that!! You should talk to them!

this is definatly child abuse and needs to be reported to authorities if your daughter cares more about this monster than her kids she dosent deserve them sory!

At least your a good grandmother that way and not wanting to get your grandkids taken from their mother. But if I was you I would sit down with both of them without the children present in the same room. Tell them your concerns and let them know that there is an alternative way to punishing than spanking. Time outs are more effective because the child doesn't like the solitude but they need to learn how to ignore the child while they are in time out in order for it to be effective. And also let them know that you don't want to call DHS on them or have them get taken away but let them know if this keeps up than you don't have another choice. Usually they will try to put the kids with family first. My son got taken away from me not because he was abused but because I had a grandmother that kept calling DHS on me because she thought that me not bringing him over and letting him spend the night was child abuse or him not having very many toys. I'm still fighting for my son through family and probate court. He's with his great-grandparents and his great-grandparents are getting older but they are cutting court ordered visits down to only 2 hours a week I'm supposed to be seeing him for 4 hours but we're going for termination pretty soon of their guardianship to have my son back where he belongs. I hope that my advice helps you and I wish you luck with your situation.

YES! It IS child abuse..and he needs to be out of the home and/or in jail for it. You don't hit kids with belts and leave marks on them. If you don't do it, then the schools will. And right now, if you turn it in, then you have a chance to have them until he's in the pokey and your daughter has counseling, so the kids wouldn't have to be in foster care and could be wiht grandma. And until that happens, YES, you Do want the kids to be taken out of there. If your daughter does not have the ability or common sense to make this man leave, then YOU help her do it.-she needs to to make the choice she can't. Most likely, once you call child protective services, they will take the kids out of the home. But then, you have a chance to go to court and have them placed with you until he is either OUT of the home or goes to jail, or your daughter tosses him out! Don't "sit" on this one. These are your grandkids and you are aware this is going on. YOU have to stop it, since apparently thier mom is not going to. If you do not turn this is and one of the kids would be harmed badly..or worse, then how would you live with that? YOU do not have to convince him this is wrong. The police can do that just fine. HE is abusive to the children and needs some time in jail to think about what he's done and is doing to them. Come on, grandma, get with the program. He's breaking the law. This IS child abuse.

Hitting a child with any item and leaving marks is called assault, child abuse,.. and it IS a crime. And it is not up to you to convince him of anything. You don't owe this guy anything. Call CPS and the police. He needs to be charged and placed in jail. Let the police explain it to him. It isn't your job. As grandma, they may be placed with you and not go to foster care. Don't worry. Their experience won't be the one you had. Possibly, once he is out of the home and a protective restraint is ordered keeping him away, they may be able to just stay at home with their mom. It can be worked out. Family courts work hard these days to keep families together. Why would you try to explain anything to him when he is hitting your beautiful grandkids wiht a belt and leaving marks. Why is your daughter NOT calling the police? They shouldn't be taken from her, unless she allows or participates in the abuse. But even if so, they'd only be with you, if you are willling, until she undergoes counseling and gets on her feet, OK? And the courts would help wiht finances while they are with you, so you can do OK that way. Don't make these kids go another day in the house with this bully. Call the police, "grandma." The kids are counting on you. You know that crappy foster care you had? Your grandkids are going theough that or worse at HOME with this monster living there. GET HIM OUT and in a jail, where he belongs! (Let him get mad at the police! You can tell them anonomously. If he hits THEM..then he really goes away for a while!)

The problem is this is a learned behavior and he was probably beat with a belt when he was younger, so to him, he is not doing anything wrong. I think your daughter needs to have a talk with him and explain there are other ways to discipline the girls. Good Luck, maybe a parenting class in the area or something like that.

There is NO reasoning with a mad man. The sad part is these children might grow up resenting their mother for not doing something about it. I know I resent my mother for standing by when my step dad abused me. DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN!! I was a foster child also but my mother was not well mentally and it was because she was taken away from me that I wound up there, so I understand your fear however, your daughter NEEDS to put her foot down and tell him he is not allowed around her or the kids until he gets proper Christian counseling. Someone who is troubled is the only type of person that resorts to violence for correction. He needs help. He obviously was abused himself as a child as well. PLEASE GET HIM HELP OR GET THEM OUT OF IT!!