Who's right? Who's wrong? What's wrong with them?

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I have not been in contact with my father for almost two months and we rarely made contact each other since we live in two different countries apart. No I did not hate my father but I do hate my father's wife who is my stepmother. During the first years of their marriage we tend to disagree because her arguments sometimes not valid. She has a bad habit where she sometimes wishes people's happiness would gone away too suddenly. When I proposed my wife before we got married, she mentioned the word "divorce" and that was painful not only in our ears but my parents in-laws were also upset. And this was still a reason why my own parent and my parents in-laws were reluctant to contact each other. Both of my father and mother in law have said to me that they are willing to forget and forgive however my father will never agree to accept it because I feel he's still holding the grudge. But what I don't understand from my father is because he 's still defending my step mother who initially caused the pain between the two families. My father wants my parents in law to forgive to both of my father and my step mother but I argued with my father that it was not their fault but it was my step mother's fault. I tried to argue it with my step mother but she did not want to admit her fault and still defending that my parents in law should be the one who would say sorry. I was first thought that my mother in law was the one who started it all but I was then told by in laws that they were ones who started it all. Who should I believe? What will be your best suggestion for me in this situation and how would you prevent it? Is there similar experiences on your own? Thanks for suggestions and I value every one of your input in this topic. Take care and have a nice day.