I really need some good advice

I did something similar once. I offered to take my cousins children from their hands. I said it as gently as I could think of and she said I did not offend her. And we're still friends. I just told her that if she wanted me to we'd take in her kids. I made it sound as much as I could as an escape for her. She nearly agreed but she choose to fight it out. She is single and young as well and was having a hard time with it. She also knows that door is open though if she does change her mind. I would approach it similarly to her. I know the distance between you all is a bit of a drive but she might agree to it anyway. I would tell her to that you don't want this to effect your relationship with her but you are more than willing to help her out and to take some of the burden from her shoulders. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

i read that the boy wants to stay with you. thats a good sign. at this point, you should not worry about offending the mom. save the kid while hes still young. you are right, he needs a stable home. dont waste time and it might affect him psychologically. his mother only likes him when shes lonely but doesnt care about him that much as long as she parties. talking to her will put some sense into her head. i am also concerned with the other children. if you took the boy in.. whos taking care of the rest? are they also being taken care of? where is her husband by the way? sorry to pry..i am a mom too and my son is at the top of my list. him first before me.

this is not an easy situation. some mothers out there are not yet ready to be a mom but when you say something about it they will be so angry and so deffensive. every child needs a stable home it is their right. now what ever you are going to say with this niece of your husband it will really create something, but i hope it would turn out to be a good one. try to talk to the child first he might not want to be separated to his mom.

My goodness that is a very hard thing to do, but you are doing it as the best interest of the child. She needs to realize she can not be a mother of convienience she needs to be with her children all the time. Your life doesn't have to end when you have kids but you party responsibly. It seems that her life comes before her kids life. The child does need stability and if you can give it to him and are willing to then you should do it, sure she may be angry with you at first but sooner or later she will realize it was for the best and forgive and hopefully improve her life if not for herself but for the kids.

this person is not a responsible parent and as much as i hate to say it those children need and deserve something much more stable than that and they should probably be taken away and placed in a place more stable until their mother can get her act together. Thats what happened with me and my other 8 siblings. she wanted to have fun...she became a baby factory and lost all but one of her kids and is about to lose that one too. if we had all stayed with her who knows what could have happened to us. it doesn't sound like abuse...but its most definitely neglect.

the mother is obviously not interested with the child and I think it's not such a bad idea to raise him. hurting the mother should be the least of your concerns.... I'd rather she got hurt than hurt the child.

Oh dear, how sad is this. Here is a wonderful opportunity for you and the little one and you don't know which way to turn. I so wish I could help you or at least point ypou in the right direction. Perhaps try and find a solicitor who specialises in family law? I wish you luck....and joy!

Perhaps it is time to call in Children's Services to protect those children. Perhaps you could arrange to be foster parents for him until adoption is achieved. If you are truly interested in the welfare of the children, offending their mother by exposing her neglect will have to be confronted. It sounds like you might be in different states, which could cause complications. I'd suggest you talk to an attorney who does Family Law to see what the best way is to help the boy. Bless you for caring. I hope you can do something to rescue them somehow.

I don't think you should be concerned with severing a relationship or offending a mother who is obviously not acting like much of a mother anyway. Tell her straight that you would like her oldest to come & live with you, you think you could help him with his studies & help to keep him out of trouble with the fighting etc. After giving it some thought, i don't think there's any way you could bring up this whole thing without offending someone. So you're better off getting straight to the point & be honest with her, no point in tip-toeing around!I know a couple people (2 of my partner's siblings) who are both now 23 & both have 4 kids - 5 years or under. I think that even though they try, they really don't put enough effort in to raising their kids & kind of expect others to be helping out a lot more than they really should be. Perhaps you should get his Great Grandparents to sit down & chat with her about you guys raising the child - it might seems a little less confronting coming from them than you - at the age of 70 or so, you cant expect them to be raising young children just coz their own mother wont do it. I hope that's of some help & i hope you guys end up with the little boy but what about the other 3 kids? Wont they need someone to raise them as well? Especially being younger & needing more guidance.

Your niece sounds like she needs to grow up. she has four kids and has no idea of responsiblity at all evidently.His greatg grandparents are in their 70s which is getting along and might be hard put to care fo him til he was grown This is a sticky situation for sure, as his mom is still his ]mom. but you sound like you would be better parents for the child.I would talk to the mom candidly and tactfully'and see just where her interests really lie.

I've noticed this seems to be the norm for a lot of young parents these days. I had trouble with my own daughter when she had my grandson. I don't know where she got this mentality. It wasn't from me. I was home with mine and when I worked, I came home when I got off and that's where I stayed, doing mom stuff. All of her cousins were raised the same way, parents stayed home and raised them, those that had to work, just came home after work and tended to their children and families. My daughter is a single parent, everyone needs a little out time without the kids. When she wanted me to babysit, it was always an all nighter. Why can't they go out for a bite and a movie and then get back home and do thier job? I read what the other people posted, I think you need to do what's best for the child too, he needs stability. If that means coming to live with you, than do it.

just spirit your life..because worldis beautiful for easy problem

Wow that is a tough situation.It seems as if maybe you could approach her by explaining it is in the best interest of the children to be in a stable home consistently.Children need to feel safe and loved,this little boy could end up in a lot of trouble if his life isn't stabilized soon.By D.C.Y.F. standards if they don't save a child and have them in a good home by the age of 8 then it is unlikely anyone can undue the harm that has been done.If this mother loves her children at al I should think she would want to do what is in their best interest and if she can't stop partying and take good care of them she should want them somewhere that they can get that.I was a big partier before I got pregnant,I quit everything and then when she was born I knew I couldn't raise her right if I went back to partying,I was never what you could call a social drinker. I hope for the children's sake she does the right thing,and if she doesn't maybe the authorities should get involved,it could make her wake up and be a better mom,or take her rights away so they can be put in a good loving,stable home. Good luck to you and the kids I hope everything works out for the best. God Bless Jas

In a situation like this you need to look at whats in the best interests of the child. Yes the child needs some stability. He obviously is having emotional problems is he is talking about shooting his mother in the foot and is getting in fights and everything like that. I would tell her how you feel about it, tell her your concerns and see what that does. Sometimes it takes a family member to speak up for someone to change habits like that. Let he know how her son feels about it. ask her how she would have felt if her mother did that to her. make her see how her son is feeling and maybe she will slow it down some. where is the father figure at?