Would you lie to protect somebody's feelings?

He said that they have not had a relationship before, not officially, but they "had something". I know they don't see each other often as he's at university but I don't see how it could have failed to crop up in conversation. They do talk on Facebook although I guess that's not really "the place". He says he wants to tell her in person. When he said he hadn't told her, I said that it would upset me if I was his best friend. He said that she would be fine with it because she'd told him that should he ever date anyone new, she would be - my point of argument was that he can't guarantee she means it, she might just be saying it to make him happy. Exactly the point you made when you said "I'm not the one who's going to end up marrying that person anyhow, so let him/her be happy." She might just be disregarding her feelings because she knows she holds no claim to him. Yet I think I would also be mad if he hadn't told me about it. Another reason why I think she might feel this is because he's told other people less significant to him about his new relationship but not her.

Oh so this best friend is somewhere far. They don't talk face-to-face. Hmm but still I don't get it, I'm not entirely sure if he's a good guy in this picture, simply because guys who don't tell girls (with whom they had 'something' with) are those who's fishing in both waters. He's having a relationship (romantically) with the new person with his life, but he's clinging to this so-called best friend (whom he had somewhat relations with too) so as to keep both. Whew! Anyhow, it's their problem, but for me, I say he's one heck of a cheater hehe.. he's playing with both women's emotions and he himself doesn't even know how to decide who he really wants. At the same time, the girl from afar is obviously not over him and says these words to be somewhat 'the best girl friend one might want' and eventually would expect him to fall for her because of her sensitivity and martyrdom when in fact she wants him but can't say it to his face. Whew! Complicated. Thanks for the BR by the way. =)

I guess we can't really say or judge about their reasons and only they could decide on their situation. :) Anyhow, I still would stick to 'say it now or forever hold your peace' hehe... It's like my friend who I talk to everyday and told one day "hey, guess what!? I got married a few months ago".. well, not only was I shocked, I was really hurt. Why? Because we've been talking everyday, and yet he never brought up the topic, it was like a slap to my face because it only meant I wasn't anyone whom he'd share himself as a whole. :)

I can see a few problems with that! For one thing, it seems to me that if she is his best friend, then she will eventually find out! That is when she will have bad feelings about it, in part due to the man hiding the new relationship from her! In answer to your hypothetical situation, I think there are times when a person should let the other person know their feelings, even if they are in a relationship already! I know of a man, who fell in love with a married woman! For years he told people that she loved him, but she did not even know him! When her marriage began turning sour, he stepped in and let her know that he loved her! She did not understand why, or realize how many times he had watched her, and gone to look at her for ten years! Even though they were both in other relationships throughout those ten years! She did not trust him at first, but was very curious to find out why he loved her and whether or not he would love her forever and marry her! The woman did not trust him for a long time, was very cautious, and stayed with her partner. Just as she was about to break up with her partner to join her newfound "love", he met and fell in love with another woman! So she would have been "left out in the cold" so to speak! Things got even messier when he began telling mutual friends that he was going into hiding from her! So his new "wife", her two kids and him bought a house in the country and lied to everybody, saying that they had to get away from this woman! She was still married, (the friendship was never much more than just a friendship) and wondering where he was and why he did not visit her anymore! When she found out where they are living and what they were telling people (somehow the story was that the married woman lied to him about something trivial) she had a lot of bad feelings! Mostly the bad feelings could have been avoided if only he had told her the truth from the time he met the second woman and decided to move in with her and her kids! So now, do you really think it better to hide the truth? it is much less painful, if painful at all, to find out at the beginning, that he was courting another woman and no longer interested in her!

I think you have understood my point exactly. I think it is due to the fact he doesn't understand the female mind, so he doesn't really understand why she would feel like that if she has explicitly told him that she doesn't mind. I can't seem to drill it into him that she might lie to protect his feelings - because she wants him to be happy, not maliciously. He said that "If she's told him that she is okay with his new relationship and turns out to be hurt by it, it's not his fault as she had the opportunity to tell him." I said, "Would it stop you dating Emma?" He said no. I said, "That proves my point. Why would she tell you if she knew nothing would come of it except complication? That's a really sad story about the woman who missed her chance. I haven't had the best luck in relationships myself, but with my last boyfriend, we first started dating after we'd known each other for around five months. I got cold feet as soon as he asked me out and asked if we could wait. It was another month before I told him that I was ready, I was too scared that he would move on in that time, and that the same would happen to me as happened to that woman. I never thought that it was good to hide the truth. I do understand his best friend's position in not telling him what she maay feel. You have to understand that I don't know if she really does like him or not, I was just raising the possibility that she might have neglected to tell him to prevent unnecessary complication between them. But your response does further cement my belief that he should have told her by now...

I agree but I disagree also. I think some things should be kept to yourself. If my girlfriend asks me if I mind when she goes to see her family, I could tell her the truth and tell her that it bothers me, and that I would prefer for her to spend more time at home but I know it would be better for our relationship if I just kept my mouth shut. It does nobody any harm that way. On the other hand, I do feel that telling the truth in a situation like this is vital. It is wrong to mislead somebody, and the fact that he has kept this from her has the potential to upset her. Of course, it would also have the potential to upset her even if he did, if she had romantic feelings for him. Another interesting question would be: if you feel something for somebody but they were in a relationship, should you and would you tell them?