Help! I badly need your advice on this one.
By debshie
@debshie (392)
Philippines
June 12, 2008 9:02am CST
I have been working for quite some time before I had my daughter. After giving birth, I still worked but after a few months, I quit because of a valid reason. Then after i quit, I found a new job, then worked there for 5 months then I quit again, mostly because I was tired of my job. Then, after 2 weeks, I got another job and just stayed there for 2 months because I got so lonely, I have no one to talk to, no one to go with me when I eat, basically, I;m on my own. That's why my partner told me to quit working and rest for a while which I did. I rested for about 6 months and now i got a new job. Now I realized that my main problem is tha I dont want to be away from my daughter. It really hurts me so much to see her cry when I go. I have just been in my new work for a few days and I am now starting to think of quiting. This job would actually support my kid and our family, my husband is earning a little, enough to support our daily needs. What should I do? should I quit again, I dont think I can handle it, I get too lonely when I'm away from her. I'm thinking of statying at home until my daughter goes to school, but that would mean that we wont have any saving. I'm really confused now, I dont know what to do. I have talked to my partner about it, and he said that if I leave work, it will destroy my record and it would not look good. But I dont think I even care, all I know is i'm too lonely when I'm away. Please, I need your advice and I would really appreciate it. Thanks!
8 people like this
20 responses
@lonewolfnan (4366)
• Canada
12 Jun 08
There are home jobs you could do.One idea is babysitting (ie..daycare) as that would pay ok and allow you to do something you seem to enjoy doing.But we are only on this place for a short time and should try to do things we enjoy.We all have certain responsibilities in life but if we can combine the two,it would be much more enjoyable.Use the internet to find other suggestions for making money at home.Take some online courses to keeo "up" on skills and technology so when you feel you are ready to return,you will still have what a company needs.There will be cutbacks in your lifestyle until whatever you decide for employment kicks in,but with the support of your husband,you CAN do this.Even if it was delivering newspapers with your daughter in a stroller or,if old enough,even helping you would bring in some money plus give you two quality time and exercise.
@lonewolfnan (4366)
• Canada
14 Jun 08
I noticed you meantioned you have been a member of MyLot for about a year now.I am a part-time member as sometimes my well of information runs dry.But I HAVE been paid by MyLot directly into my Paypal account 3 times so far.Judging by the number of people who have responded to this discussion,you would see a nice jump in your money total.But I see your low number.Is it possible to come onto MyLot a little more frequent to make the minimal payout each month?While it is not a paycheck,it helps.
@debshie (392)
• Philippines
12 Jun 08
When I was actually uneployed, I did try to find online jobs but maybe i'm just not lucky in those fields. i have signed up to a lot of website that they say would pay you but until now, I havent recieved anything. I have been a member of mylot for over a year and still no payment came. I still am trying my luck though..keeping my fingers crossed. Thanks so much for the response!
2 people like this
@Gemini_7000 (358)
• United States
12 Jun 08
Your partner is right .. taking and quitting jobs won't look good to your next "possible" employer, but I understand what you mean about your child.
Although you are going through a normal process of parenting I would think about keeping the job as it would do your child and family well in the long run.
There is always time to spend with your daughter when you get home.
Believe it or not, it does a child good to be away from the parent(s) for a while ~ I have a friend who decides to be a stay at home mom and now she wishes she would have worked as the child is so attached to her that she can't be anywhere with her, which is going to make her first day of school very hard on the child with separation anxiety.
I guess I'd say that I'd try to focus on my job and making some kind of acqauintance, if not a friend, and enjoy being with my baby when I get home.. savings would be a great thing for your family.
Your child will get better with your leaving and returning on a daily basis .. as will you.
Hope this helps some :)
1 person likes this
@debshie (392)
• Philippines
12 Jun 08
Thank you so much. I will surely keep that in mind. I think in this situation, it is more for me than for my kid. I mean, I would get hurt more seeing her like that compared to her who only cries at that instant and would forget it later on.
1 person likes this
@laglen (19759)
• United States
12 Jun 08
Just stay home. You never get this time back. It is better for her and your family. Things will be tight but it won't last forever. I would also suggest seeing a counselor. I think there is more to this job hopping than just missing your baby. That is legitimate but I think there is more to it!
@Madona1 (2096)
• Gibraltar
12 Jun 08
Hello there, I can understand how you feel after becoming a new mum. Now your lovely girl is the love and priority of your life. You will worry and miss her while you are away. But please don’t forget, your girl not only needs you physically but also financially. So you should start considering and working out a satisfactory choice for her and the family. Keep your job for the time being and see if you can work from home soon so that you can be with the girl, in the mean time make some money. All the best!
@LilyPad123 (377)
• Singapore
12 Jun 08
Honestly, do not leave your job. Yeah it might be hard for you to see your kid cry. But think about your kid`s future. You would want the best for her. But of course with internet busniess booming these days you might want to try those for side income so that you can quit your job if you want to. But i still suggest being in your current job, i mean anything can happen tommorrow. I do not know maybe you have some major repair in your house to fix or some health problems, you would still need the cash. So before you quit make sure you got a good backup plan..
1 person likes this
@debshie (392)
• Philippines
12 Jun 08
yes, I perfectly agree with you. Its just that no matter how I try to think whats good for her future, the moment I see her cry, i just feel so hurt and so lonely. i keep on thinking, if I were with her, i'd do this,, do that.. maybe I'm also kind of selfish.
1 person likes this
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
13 Jun 08
do whatever you feel can make you happy but be practical, too.
think about it. if you work now, the money you will be earning isn't just for you, it's for your baby's future. we need to sacrifice a little in order to survive, right?
work during the day and go home after. in that way, you are doing two important things in a day which are earning money for your kid and spending time with her.
think about it.
anne
@sreejithsreenivas (10200)
• India
13 Jun 08
Think twice before quiting your current job and it is very difficult to get a job some times if we quit our present job.If your kids age is more than one year then there is no need to worry much about it and you can continue with your current job.
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
13 Jun 08
yup. you're right. it's not that easy to get a job. there are lots of people around the globe wanting to work but can't. she can still take care of her baby after working. so, better to do two things at the same day.
@Linda4ualways (2282)
• United States
12 Jun 08
It sounds as if your a new mom. It's hard leaving our children, especially when they're babies. I sometimes wish I could stay home so that when my children arrive home from school I would be there. But in today's world we cannot do that debshie. A two-income household is what is needed and it looks terrible on your record to be at one job for a couple of weeks and antoehr for a couple of months. There is no stability with your jobs and your husband really does need your help. Not working would really put a lot on him and you don't want to do that. Look at this way, your baby is going to need your financial support as well so when you go to work tell yourself that you are doing it for the baby. God Bless!
1 person likes this
@nixxi76 (3191)
• Canada
12 Jun 08
hi debshie,
It sounds like you're going through some seperation anxiety from your daughter. What are you really worried about when you're away from her? Is it the person or people you've left her with? Are you thinking you're going to miss something?
As a parent, when I first had my son I stayed at home till he was ready for school. I had assistance to help me with paying bills. When my son started school, I began to look for work.
If you feel that you can't handle working you should seek somekind of financial assistance so you can somewhat support your family and yourself.
Good luck
@ayessa (1583)
• Philippines
13 Jun 08
First think what is your real and first priority. If its your daughter then quit your job. If you want to have an income do some online jobs. MAke time to earn something for your finances. But if you will say its your job, then i suggest to control your emotions everytime your daughter will cry. Try to explain to her why you need to work. And do make an effort to spend quality time with her.
Goodluck!
@ramyashreesk (1021)
• India
13 Jun 08
Hi debshie! You are very lucky you have got a very sweet daughter. I don't have one child you know. Giving love and affection to your child in appropriate period of its life is very important. Because time never waits for anyone.
As for you saving as she grows older she will become independent and you could do overtime and earn money is'nt it?
You try out other sources of income which you could do from house, being next to your daughter. And as gets older you could devout more time for your work and earn.
Your daughter also might be quiet acquainted to you by now, as you were besides her all these days. Now she would be left alone if you go out might feel leftout and lonely.
@didnotask4it (118)
• Philippines
12 Jun 08
First of all debshie let me tell you that no matter what advice you may get from here, it's still your decision to make. You would have to really weigh the pros and cons about the issue.
You have a new daughter, it's natural for you to feel that you want to be always by her side. However, think about the importance and the benefits of you having a steady income which you can use to support your growing child's needs as well as yours. My advice is just to keep a positive attitude about your job so you will not experience loneliness and work burnouts.
You may also find at times that you're too exhausted from taking care of her, which is also natural. You need to find other ways to unwind and refresh your mind. In this case, keeping a job can be practical and beneficial to you and your child. Just my two cents...good-luck!!
@Linyi118100 (36)
• China
13 Jun 08
i am a gratulated chinese high school student who is going to attend colledge.
i have lived 19 years with my families . but this time i have to go to a very remote city. i know it's a hard choice,iknow i will be lonely and homesick,i know i may not like that place at all. i have to go,for nothing,but a better life.
your kid will understand you when she grow older.and i believed that she will say"i love you,mom.thank you for all you did for me."one day,with a sweet smile on her face.
@youless (112507)
• Guangzhou, China
13 Jun 08
I know it's a hard decision. I am also a working mom. I have to go to work when my son was no more than 6 months old. I had to, otherwise I would lose a job. Although my husband has a nice job, but I still want to earn more as nobody will know what will happen tomorrow. Nowadays the living cost, education and health care charge is higher and higher. I have to work so that we can live well. So at that time my mother-in-law and my mom helped to take care of my son when I went to work. Perhaps you can ask help from your family to look after your child and then go to work? One income may be OK, but it's better to have more saving for future. This is my opinion.
I love China
@lavenderbloom (1057)
• United Arab Emirates
13 Jun 08
hi debshie,
I think you should stop thinking of taking up a job for atleast for a year or two. Once your daughter starts going to school or nursery, you become more strong. I know how much it hurts to be away from the kid. See then u have to minimise ur expenses and be on a strict budget. It is not a big cost when it comes to being with our kid :)
Hope you can manage everything and be with ur kid..
Take care of your kid and also yourself..
@Carolxu (50)
• China
13 Jun 08
Hi,althouth I have no child I can undertanding you.I think it's too hard to find a good job and earning money,and you should think more about the future of your baby,it's need too much money to support her growing up, if you have no enough incomes you can not give baby anything. In my opinion,at least you won't guit the job at now.....:)
@AuntieEm721 (53)
• United States
13 Jun 08
Instead of starting and then quitting why not set a "trial" period mentally on this job. Talk with your partner and agree that after 6 months if you still feel this way that you will stop working for another agreed upon period of time. Lots of people find that unless they are making good money that MOST of the secondary income goes towards child care and the added expenses of HOLDING the job. As in work clothes, lunches, vehicle expenses. Really crunch the numbers and see, in writing, what exactly you are contributing financially by working. You may be surprised to find it is a very small figure. THAT figure is the number you need to measure up against your natural desire to be with your child. Personally, I was lucky enough to be home with my children and I would not have traded it for any amount of money in my savings account or anything else. Good luck.
@Fanfanself (17)
• China
13 Jun 08
as of now i fully understand how hard to make decisions,keeping working or being with your baby. there are 2 new Moms in my dept. i know they miss and care their baby, but for living, for fostering the baby, they need to work. So in daytime, the always call home several times to know how the baby is today. after work, they can go back home to stay with their baby. i trust you that you can overcome it. we need work, we need money. meanwhile, if you quit your job until your baby's being school, who can guarantee you can find the good job then? what it tomorrow like? i think there will be great changes in your city. most importantly, a woman maybe can not earn much but can not stop working,which means independence of woman. whatever you think about, baby's future education, family or yourself, keep working. maybe some of my comments is not right, but the examples around me made me know the reality.
