Do eldest in the family should be more responsible to help?
By Jivena
@Jivena (2)
Philippines
June 12, 2008 10:53am CST
I am the eldest in my family but I am married now and living with my own family now. But I still keep on thinking with my family how to help my parents, my sisters and my brothers which my husband misunderstood although he is the eldest in his family but he grew in a separated parents. I am very affection to my 1st family because I am the only child my parents sent in college school and got a degree. My sisters and my brothers are only high school graduate which makes them hard to find a job. How I wish I can go back and help them but I can't leave my family now because I have a very caring and pretty daughter. I am still hoping that I can see a solution to help my family because my husband has another point of view being an eldest should not help its family. He said that a parent is responsible to send their child in school and not to ask a pay back after the child got a degree. I told him that its a case to case basis because my family has no resources and I am the eldest and has a good job they need my help. My husband get angry with it because I am living with him now he told me that I am living in my own now and my parents, my sisters and my brothers have their own lives. Do I am the only eldest child thinking of this situation?
1 person likes this
4 responses
@ken5254 (18)
• Philippines
20 Jun 08
in our culture, the burden of helping family is in the hands of the eldest. If the life of eldest (or other sibling) is good, i can't see any reason why we can't help. But if by chance, the whole obligation of parents will be depending on the eldest child, that i can't agree. It's so unfair to our kids to be the extention of life we wanted them to be. including passing of responsibility to them. Helping is good but remember, we do have a life to attend to.
@Gemmygirl1 (2867)
• Australia
13 Jun 08
I think what you do is great although it does seem a little more old fashioned.
I believe kids help their parents when they can but they shouldn't be forced to do so. People have children knowing that they will have to raise them, pay for their educations & so on - they never expect anything in return.
I think your husband is just saying that once you have your own family, they should become your first priority - you need to make sure that your children etc have everything they need before you think about helping anyone else. It's also NOT your fault that your siblings didn't continue their education, if they had done so, then they wouldn't be in any financial difficulties & the lives they have are soley based on the decisions they have made.
I think it's wonderful that you want to help your family but a parent or sibling should NOT 'expect' this of you nor should you feel obligated to help them because they have not made the right decisions for their own futures.
@SueRod (238)
• United States
12 Jun 08
My opinion is that all children should be loved and given the same amount of attention and if possible receive the same education. It is up to the child to show appreciation for their upbringing when they are older, if they are able. It is also my opinion that biological children come first before a second husband. Good luck with everything. Good luck on MyLot.
@Insung001 (740)
• Philippines
12 Jun 08
I don't want to take sides, but I would have to say I somehow agree with your husband's predicament. When you already have your own family, you should prioritized it. I'm not saying you should stop helping your parents and siblings, but you have to explain to them if needed to. It's not easy I know. We filipinos have a very close family ties. But that's one of the price you have to pay when you decide to have your own family. It's always good if you have an understanding husband. I wish you could work things out.
