Someone has been on my laptop,
By palonghorn
@palonghorn (5479)
United States
June 15, 2008 9:21am CST
besides me! So would like your opinions on how you would handle this one, I have my own idea of how to go about it, but figured I would discuss it here before I let her have it! When I signed on to my laptop this morning, checking email, and other sites I normally do, I found 'evidence' of my s/o's daughter having been on my laptop without my permission. For whatever reason, she knows I work full time and knows her dad doesn't buy everything in this house, she seems to think that she can do whatever because she thinks he does pay for everything around here. If it was something else in the house, I probably wouldn't say anything, however there are a few items I don't want her using without permission, such as my laptop (which I use for business too), my new printer (she has one hooked up to the desktop comp) and my camera, (she left her's in the heat, and ruined it, mine is a bit more expensive than her's was). So, I can either tell her dad about it and confront her myself (I'm sure she'll try to deny it) or I can let him confront her about it. Which would you do? By the way, she is 14 and we've been together 3 years (not that that makes much difference concerning this issue). So, what is your opinion?
4 people like this
15 responses
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
15 Jun 08
I do have a password, however, I guess I didn't shut it down, and she stays up after we have gone to bed, so I'll be shutting it down from now on. I also raised two teenage daughters.
2 people like this
@lamcouz (101)
• Australia
16 Jun 08
Anyhow, I think setting up a password to inhibit people using your laptop is a rather improper way. It shows that you don't like/hate that person using your laptop after you realized they are doing so. Therefore, I think talking to that particular person would be a better alternative.
1 person likes this
@lamcouz (101)
• Australia
16 Jun 08
I think making things clear to everyone who has chance to access to your laptop is important, telling them you don't like people to access your laptop without permission would be better than merely setting up a password and disallowed people using your laptop.
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@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
16 Jun 08
That would be fine, except we are talking about a teenager here, who thought I wouldn't notice that she had used my laptop. She also has no real need to be using my laptop, she has a desktop computer that is perfectly good, and has internet.
1 person likes this
@loujac3 (1188)
• United States
16 Jun 08
If there is a desktop computer then what is she doing on your laptop? I don't share mine other than with the friend I am rooming with. She doesn't know how to use a computer and I am teaching her. We research projects together and I let her email her daughter and receive emails.
There is another renter and he has a virus on his computer. He asked to check his emails on my computer and I refused. He will open anything and he takes too many risks.
The public library offers use of their computers and that is a good place to go in times of need.
Good luck!
2 people like this
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
16 Jun 08
There are two other desktop computers and one which has her games and stuff on it. The only reason she would have gotten on my laptop is that she thought she wouldn't be found out. She was wanting a laptop when I bought mine, but there was really no need for her to have one. And I made it clear to her, I bought this not her dad, she seems to think he pays for most or all of everything around here, which she has been told before that I also pay for things around the house and take care of some of the bills.
1 person likes this
@punkgurl73 (248)
• United States
16 Jun 08
I would have a heart to heart with her and just tell her how you feel! Ask her how she would feel if someone just helped theirself to her things ,you are entitled to your privacy and tell her that while some things you do not mind her borrowing she needs to always ask first.I would also talk to her father about it at 14 she is old enough to respect other ppls belongings.
2 people like this
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
16 Jun 08
I did talk to her dad about it and it upset him that she would do this without asking first. I also had a talk with her, and pointed out that her dad does not pay for everything around here, I pay/purchase items myself, some are mine and some are for the household. She is old enough to know better, and she probably didn't think I would notice, however, I did notice. At least she didn't try to deny it, which I thought she might.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
16 Jun 08
I think its time for daddy to talk to his wayward daughter
about what she can and cannot do around your home.A
fourteen year old girl is old enought to know better than
use something that does not belong to her unless she has
permission from the owner which she did not have. let
him handle it.
2 people like this
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
16 Jun 08
I did discuss it with him, and showed him the 'proof' of how I knew she had been on it. She knows the 'rules' in our home and knows what she should and shouldn't do, however, she also gets away with things at her mother's house that she doesn't get away with here. I did talk to her myself, sorry, I disagree with you on letting him handle it. She needs to know that I have a say in what goes on in our house, not just her dad. I have dealt with step-children in two other marriages, and if there is one thing I learned, they have to learn that the 'step-parent' (we are not married at this time) has a say in what goes on around the house.
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@anex08 (868)
• Philippines
16 Jun 08
You must talk to her, I also would not want somebody to use my personal thing without any permission. It's one way of showing respect to people. But if she would deny it then, you must shut down your laptop and have safe password for use. The talk might be difficult because we know how teen's act these days, but you have to make her feel that you know what she does and what she does is wrong.
2 people like this
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
16 Jun 08
Thank you for your response, I did have a talk with her, and I did not give her a chance to deny or argue the point, I simply pointed out that I knew she had been on my laptop, and that she did it without asking me first. If she had asked I would probably have let her, however, since she did it is off limits. I dealt with my own two daughters through the teenage years and expected to get some attitude from her, but I didn't. Like I said I really didn't give her much chance to give excuses or whatever, I stated I knew she had been on it and that it was unexceptable, and would not happen again. I will be locking it at night when I go to bed from now on, since she is allowed to stay up later on the weekend and watch tv or play her video games.
1 person likes this
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
15 Jun 08
Thanks for your response, I do have it password protected, however I had not shut it down or logged off last night, she did it after we had gone to bed. I did confront her and let it her know that it was unacceptable.
1 person likes this
@drknlvly6781 (6246)
• United States
17 Jun 08
I would first tell her father, then confront her myself about this matter. It is your laptop, and this girl needs to learn to leave stuff that isn't hers alone. You need to teach her that everything in the house isn't paid for by her Dad, and even if it was it wouldn't give her permission to do whatever she wants with it. Furthermore, I would put a password on the laptop, so if she gets slick and tries to use it again, she won't be able to.
1 person likes this
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
17 Jun 08
I agree with you, and I did end up doing just that, I let him know and showed him how I knew that she had been on my computer, and then I talked to her. I did let her know that I was the one who paid for this computer not her dad, I also let her know that who purchases something in this household isn't really the issue, the issue was that she did it without asking first. I also told her out right that it would not happen again as my computer would be locked down when I was not using it. Part of the issue, and anyone who has dealt with step-children know, she gets away with things at her mother's house that is not allowed here. However, she is old enough to know what rules exist in this home. I have never treated her any differently than I did my own daughters at her age, she has to learn that you respect other peoples things.
1 person likes this
@tyc415 (5706)
• United States
15 Jun 08
Maybe let her know that you know she was on there and see if she admits to it. Let her know that you might let her use it IF she asks you first. Might let her dad also know what she has done and maybe he could talk to her also. She needs to learn respect for other's things, she would not appreciate if you got on her computer without her knowing about it I'm sure.
2 people like this
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
15 Jun 08
I did tell DW that she had been on it and showed him the proof. I also told him I would be talking to her about it, which I did a little while ago, and surprisingly she did not try to deny it!! I told her if she had asked in the first place, I would have probably signed out and let her, but it is off limits now. I also told her I was the one paying for it not her dad. From now on I'll just make sure I shut it down at night when she is here, I do have it set with a password to get on to it, so it will be off limits.
1 person likes this
@twallace (2675)
• United States
16 Jun 08
This was 11hrs ago when this discussion was started and right now it's 9:40pm. I know that it bother you to know that she did that with out asking. But I think that you should let her father know that your going to talk to her about it. Then if there are things that you want to keep protected you have to put a password on the labtop so that will not happen again without her asking. That way you will know if that it will not be bothered without her asking first. I know that you would like to leave it free for the family to use; but when you have a pc in the house there should have been no reason for her to use the labtop. But any way that is what i would do. Have a nice one.
2 people like this
@stormeetigress (487)
• United States
15 Jun 08
My brother in law got on my laptop without my permission when he was here in Feb. First thing I did was tell my husband, and then I set the password so he couldn't get on it. My husband handled the situation with his brother he told him he wasn't allowed to use it because he went on it without permission and when I asked for it back he didn't let me have it back!
So if I were in your shoes, I'd talk to her father, if he did nothing, then you talk to her! Tell her YOUR laptop, printer and camera are OFF LIMITS to her!!
2 people like this
@jerzgirl (9327)
• United States
15 Jun 08
Before anything else, I would go into my administrative controls and set it up that no one can get on without a user name and password. That way, even if she defies you, she can't use it.
Then, I might casually mention at an appropriate time when the conversation seems to fit that I had put security measures on my laptop because I wanted to protect my business information from being tampered with. I wouldn't yet say anything because sometimes kids are just being kids. However, if it was evident AFTER that conversation that attempts were being made to bypass the security login, then I'd have to talk to the father about it. But, it's possible that she will realize that you know and haven't told Dad and will not try again.
Good luck - I remember the problems I had with my stepdaughter who moved in with me when she was 11 before her dad and I married. She was quite the handful and, as far as he was concerned, NEVER to blame for anything. We get along great now that she's 40.
2 people like this
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
15 Jun 08
I have been in a marriage before where I dealt with step-children along with my own, so I'm really not new to it. I did let her know I knew what she had done and told her why I didn't want her using my laptop, I don't have anything to hide, but I don't want anything lost either.
1 person likes this
@Remembering1996 (2219)
• United States
16 Jun 08
I would talk to her dad about it first then both of you sit down and talk it out with her. I think this is a better way for you both are confronting her at the same time and she might be more honest. Explain to her that some things are yours and you would not like her to touch it. Also tell her if there is something that she wants to use that isn't her's all she has to do is ask and get permission first. I do hope your problem get's resolved and it dosn't happen any more after haveing this discussion with her and that she won't lie about it but be honest for telling the trueth is better than lyeing which get's you in more trouble. Good luck and take care.
2 people like this
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
15 Jun 08
Hello palinghorn, I will be speaking as if I am in the situation. I will talk to her dad and tell her everything and also the reasons why I don't want my stuff to be used. I know the s/c will be open enough and will understand me for this. Not unless maybe if my work is not with the PC! Plus raising a good kid includes discipline, she has to be corrected earlier or else she will be bringing that attitude to other people!
1 person likes this
