My Poor Hubby....your thoughts are appreciated!

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so, here is the story I will make it as short and sweet as I can. HE and his mom have not had a relationship for the past 15 years, YES 15 years. She tries but she always gets frustrated and confrontational even over the little things. Well then just recently, his step mom has been "Putting her nose in other people's business" lately. She and Hubby have had a pretty good relationship lately but recently she has been telling a lot of hubbys' secrets to his dad which is NOT GOOD. 1 thing that was brought up was about seeing a therapist. That was a bit over the line but I just told him not to worry about it and to let it just roll off his back. Well then today she wrote him an email and he read it to me and even I Felt she had gone over the line. She said that she was upset by a comment he made about his dad. Well, here is what happened. My Sister in law had planned this father day thing for her dad, we said we would join them as soon as we could but that we did not want to committ to anythign in fear of not making it in time so we did not want to be expected. Well we get there and it was a wild goose chase, they were too tired and wanted to leave, I was just like "Then let them go and we will see them another day I do not care" But I was getting mad because I was being directed ALL over the place. I think he wanted to make sure that the kids saw his dad for fathers day. We ended up meeting at a gravel pit it was just ridiculous...I was getting really antsy and just tried to bite my lip. Hubby made a comment about his dad wanting to leave, His dad ALWAYS does this. Well his step mom sends an email about how sister in law had planned this very well thorough day and that they could not count on us to show up blah blah blah and knowing that she would run the risk of offending him felt that it was not a very nice comment to make. I felt that she crossed the line this time. It was unfair of her to make a judgement based on a comment that my hubby had said...I do not care what the reasons she has....It was very unfair of a comment for HER to stick her nose in the business that it just does not belong. There are MANY MANY MANY times I want to talk with his dad but I respect the fact that my husband prefers that i stay out of it and let him and his dad work out their problems. She has never had children and we are always in a situation where we have to follow some sort of agenda and it just does not work that way for us with a 4 and a 2 year old. Now, do not get me wrong, My hubby is really bad about being on time with ANYTHING and no matter how much I try to be on time with things sometimes when he is in a mood and does not want to do something he gets very lollygaggy about it And I mean very lollygaggy!!! so anyway, Hubby has had this issue with his parents because they ALWAYS have plans and that is okay, My parents are a bit different, My parents can do things but yet they are not busy every minute of EVERY day, his family seems to be busy EVERY minute of every day and it is always NOTHING really....HIs dad has been retired for who knows how long, a very long time, his wife is always saying how they have many months booked with trips or something always to do...His sister does not even work a job and she is ALWAYS busy with remodeling their home or who knows. We have two children, and though we are blessed with a roof over our head, we are on state assistance and struggling just to pay for a sitter EVEN with ONe parent at home.... Whenever we ask for help to just watch the kids for a few hours we can not COUNT on his family because if it is not planned WELL in advanced well, too bad! So we do a lot of sacraficing, Especially me. IT is hard for me to watch his sister in law be SO Busy with her spa treatments and getting her hair done every 6 weeks or having her MAID come to her house and therefore she has to be there at the house to let the maid in (They have had this maid for years and years and when she was working the maid could let herself in). But if I have an appointment that I need to be at to make some money or something and I have no one else, I can not call any of them because they can not help, I can not even rely on HIM so I know that he is a bit spoiled. Anyway, I told him that it was over the line but I did not want him to bring up a bunch of past things that she would not really be aware of, and though he wants me to stay out of things, I did not think it was fair of her to make judgements on things when he is already feeling hurt enough about some things with his dad, she knows he is still having issues and to bring it up on Fathers day is a very tough thing. we are very appreciative of them but....that was unfair. What would you do? He is going to respond but I told him to just say something like "Yes, this was over the line and that I do not feel it was JUSTIFIED for you to say something to me when it comes to the relationship between my father and myself" and then leave it at that! But he wanted to write a long big thing with all past stuff and i Said...NO not to bring that up, just bring up what she just wrote and make it short and sweet and to the point...that way a call would come, not to blow it up too much. I do feel that he needs to tell his dad how he feels and just be done with it. He is already feeling alienated by his mom he does not need it from the other side of the family either!