To top it all off I get a message from my ex husband
By Erilyn
@Erilyn (3020)
United States
June 16, 2008 12:09pm CST
Those of you who know me know some of the things I am going through with my daughter, and my medical problems etc. Well to top everything else off yesterday I get a message from my soon to be ex husband. (We have been seperated for almost 3 years but I could never get him to agree to a divorce.)
So anyway he sends me a message telling me he wants to get the divorce done and leaves mea # to reach him. After much debating on my part and wanted to get this overwith, I called him. No surprise that he was already halfway drunk at least. Now mind you I have not spoken to this man in over 2 years. He is trying to tell me how great his life is and all I am trying to do is talk about the divorce. So then he starts telling me about his girlfriend that has been living with him the past year. Ok why I needed this information I will never know. Then he tells me that he isn't planning on getting remarried even though she is pushing for it because they fight worse then he and I ever did. Then I find out that she beats him. Why did he share this information? I have no idea. It was all I could do not to laugh in his face. And then he starts defending her about it. I told him he sounded like a battered woman, and if it was that bad he neded to leave.
Now I have no intention of leaving my fiance to get back with him in the slightest and he knows that. So why would he want to tell me all these things? Does he want me to feel bad for him or something? All I want from him is the divorce and then NEVER have to talk to him again. He said he wants to be "friends" I told him that if he meant by that I have no hard feelings for him and if I happened to run into him on the street that I would be cordial that would be fine. Not like I would invite him over for tea or anything.
Do you think that it was becasue he wanted me to feel bad for him or something that he told me all this?
4 people like this
11 responses
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
16 Jun 08
What's funny is that he had one and decided he was bored with me lol. oh well, I just find it interesting that it seems that he traded down. I would do anything for the man I am with and my fiance knows this. He has said in the past I know what I have and I don't want to ever lose it. I can't feel bad really for someone that put themselves in that position you know? My ex husband had someone that put up with a lot of his crap yet stood behind him 100% he decided he didn't want that. I can't feel bad for him.
1 person likes this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
16 Jun 08
Exactly and changing his bed is no longer my responsiblity. Hasn't been for almost 3 years lol. Just to clairify something though I am the one who left after finding his discussions with other women and finding a picture of him on my bed cuddled up with his girlfriend. Guess he thought he could have the best of both worlds. What the momo failed to think about however is that at the time i worked for an internet company. How he ever thought he could hide this stuff from me is beyond me in the first place lol.
1 person likes this
@angelface23 (2494)
• United States
16 Jun 08
yeah i think he is jsut messing with your mind. He probably doesnt even have a girlfriend. And I don't know many guys who will take abuse from a woman. Physical abuse i mean. I guess there are poor saps out there that do take it but not many I know would. He just wants you to feel sorry for him thinking you might take him back.
2 people like this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
16 Jun 08
I know he has had girlfriends in the past and wether or not he has one now doesn't make a difference to me. I have a great relationship, I am not going to say we are happy 100% of the time because no one is. But the good definatly outweighs the bad!!!!I left him for a reason, time hasn't changed who he is. One of the things I hated about him was he drank WAY too much, and during the call you could tell he was drinking. I can't feel bad about him and there is nothing that could make me take him back.
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23706)
•
17 Jun 08
Honey it sounds as though he wants to be able to manipulate you and get some control that way! Of course I could be being overly cynical and I could be totally wrong, maybe he is being abused and was reaching out for some help? I don't know him well enough to know but you do and you have to be very careful with what you do with this situation. If he needs help get him the number of an organisation that can do that and pass it along to him but don't let him suck you into his problems or it could be very hard for you to extricate yourself from them! Hugs xxx
1 person likes this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
17 Jun 08
Oh I simply told him that if it it was that bad he needed to leave and then asked him when he planned on filing the divorce. I am not going to let him even try to have any kind of hold on me what so ever. And if it is LAME attempt at trying to get me back he might as well forget about it, NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!!! After I talked to him I called my mom and laughed so hard!!!!! My mom said well you know what goes around comes around. While he never laid a hand on me he was still an a$$hole. My mom said well he prolly derserves it!! hehehehe.
1 person likes this
@lilybug (21107)
• United States
16 Jun 08
My son's father is always calling me up and telling me about his life. His problems with his wife, job problems, money preblems, etc. He never calls me when he wants to talk about something good in his life. I think it is his attempt to get me to feel bad for him. I sounds like your soon to be ex is doing the same thing.
2 people like this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
16 Jun 08
Yeah I think he is. But he is barking up the wrong tree this time lol. I told him if he wants sympathy to go talk to his friends lol. I told him those are the people that he ran to and talked all kinds of bull about me they ate the ones he can talk bull with about this as well.
1 person likes this
@Elixiress (3878)
•
16 Jun 08
At least he is letting you divorce him, I don't quite why people try and put of a divorce, because it only shows them to be a selfish people and minimise the chance of the two people ever getting back together (which is what I think the person hopes to happen if they don't give the divorce.)
I think he was only telling you to get the sympathy vote, so that you would be a shoulder to cry and weaken your guard and then get back with him. I don't know why but it doesn't seem believable that he is getting beaten as men tend not to mention it never mind to an ex, as you said if it is that bad and he is actually being beaten then he should walk out.
2 people like this
@fluffnflowers (1594)
• United States
16 Jun 08
Congrats on finally getting a divorce, escaping such a bad relationship, and finding a fulfilling relationhsip that brings you peace! 
I do feel bad for your ex-husband, but that's probably because I've never had to deal with him. It sounds like he needs serious help, but no one start him on that path except himself. I'm assuming he told you all of that because he needed someone to talk to, whether he knew it or not, and you were someone he knew would listen. I think it's great that he's finally gotten it into his head to 'set you free' -- legally, that is.
I do feel bad for your ex-husband, but that's probably because I've never had to deal with him. It sounds like he needs serious help, but no one start him on that path except himself. I'm assuming he told you all of that because he needed someone to talk to, whether he knew it or not, and you were someone he knew would listen. I think it's great that he's finally gotten it into his head to 'set you free' -- legally, that is.@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
16 Jun 08
Thank you thank you. Ands i don't know whay he thought I would listen esp after seeing some of the discussions he was having with other women, before I even left him he was telling other wonem he had thrown me out and had filed for divorce. 5 of the girlfriends he had after we split up were under the impression we already were divorced. A couple of them messaged me on yahoo to ask about it lol. I have been with the same man since I left him. we have been together 2 1/2 years now and he is my best friend. but you are right I am glad he has finally decided to cut the final tie!!!! I think I will have a party when I get the final disolution of marraige hehehhe. (excuse my typing meds are kicking in lol)
1 person likes this
@Remembering1996 (2219)
• United States
17 Jun 08
I must say congrads to you on wanting to get the divorce and move on in life with your fiance. As for you trying to call your ex and he was 1/2 drunk while talking to you and spilling his guts out to you. Most people that are in the drunk stage will be like this and talk all sob stories just to get you to feel bad for them. I have a friend that has this same problem and she cries and goes on and on about how bad this and that is. I just hope you got the answer you wanted from him about the divorce and he's going to go through with it. I think he intentionally did it to make you feel bad for he knows he is with someone that treats him bad. I look at it as he made his bed he can lie in it. You have got your self a good man now and you are happy that's all that matters now. Good luck with the divorce situation and let us know how it goes take care.
1 person likes this
@Bostonlicious (13)
• United States
17 Jun 08
Im new to all of this so I dont know your situation but from waht it sounds to me, you are doing the right hitng and yes he is giving you a pity card and asking you to call. My ex did the exact same thing...lol..men...you can't live with them, you can't live without them.
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
17 Jun 08
Can't shoot them either....there are some days though lol. I can't wait for the divorce to be final and I cna move on with my life!!!! My first husband tried the same thing with letters and cards etc. he was telling me he knew he had done wrong and was sorry for hurting me etc. I walked away, just as I am doing this time!!
