Helping my family; Helping myself.

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In the middle of last month my grandfather was diagnosed with throat cancer. A very large tumor. they scheduled the removal surgery for the 28th of may, pre-op the day before. When he went to pre-op they rushed him emergency to the hospital, because his throat was almost totally blocked by the tumor, they didn't know how he was breathing.They placed a tracheotomy in and were going to remove the tumor then, but he was bleeding far to much. On top of all that, the tumor was blocking food from going into his stomach, and actually re directing it into his lungs. They put in a feeding tube and send him home 2 days later. The feeding tube is very infected (they tried to clean it but no one gave them proper instruction on it, no one even told them who did the surgery, grounds for lawsuit in my opinion) well now he is back in the hospital with possible pneumonia, and a bad infection in his stomach. My grandmother is not giving him affection, ignoring him, as well as giving him food and drink (he licks the food and swished the drinks around in his mouth, but several are thick, like hot chocolate. I know some of it has to go past his throat.) She will not say he has cancer, is physically attacking anyone in our family because of small reasons. It honestly seems like she is trying to kill him. I know this is her way of dealing with it, I understand. My questions is how can I help her, and yet still be here for myself because I am dealing with grief as well. She is already not talking to my mother of uncle's girlfriend so she really does need someoen to help her through all this.