My Daughter is an aggresive, lying theif who is going to end up in Jail One day!

Yes, I have learned very fast that spankin her is not a good thing, it only accelerates the fire faster. Her older brother is 13 and he gets quite a bit more le-way, but is very mature and responsible. He does go to bed though at 7:30 with the others, and as he is in the teen years now, very greatful for the extra sleep ;) I have tried her on a later bed time occasionally, telling her she can read a book or some other quiet activity, it is a 50/50 shot on what you are going to get in the morning though with that. The only thing for sure that I know and is regularily consistent with her, is if she does go to bed at 7:30 pm, she definately is in a good mood, gets ready without fighting, and does not cause problems with her 5 year old brother. Might I add she seems to LOVE my youngest son, and dotes on him a lot, so I am not sure what has made the 5 year old the target?

Hatley...please dignify yourself, read all of these and take time to process what you are reading before you would tell me to love my daughter, when clearly stated throughout here is my love for my daughter. And my 5 year old has and will never be called "a little holy terror" He picks at her because he knows he can make her angry, this is a typical 5 year old behavior, and while he is punnished for it, I would hardly call him a holy terror.

do you in any way treat the five year old with more 'preference than your other kids,at age ten she could well resent that, and at age five he should not be a little holy terror either. look at things from her eyes ocassionally, maybe you can better understand her, you are her mom, get close to her. love her for heavens'sakes.

yes I definately agree,that is why I want to make sure the steps I am taking beyond what I can do personally, are the right ones for her. Thank-you for your comment.

Thank-You! :)

Thank-you for your thoughts. Believe me, as I am doing the planning, there also is good old fashion consequences and parenting in place. Privilages have been removed, there is VERY firm rules and structure in place, including that ALL of our four kids go to bed by 7:30 pm at night. They all have chores that are required of them. My daughter knows the difference between right and wrong. By saying my child is a choices child, I am meaning that her choices are restricted and balanced, like say she doesn't want to go to bed, at 7:30 and begins having a hissy fit, I give her the CHOICE to either go to bed immediately and stop the hissy fit, or to go to bed, continuing with the hissy fit, and have computer time, or t.v. privilages removed for the next day. It is in line with the Choice theory and has actually been highly regarded in child rearing. I have looked at her as a daughter, I have followed my heart with her, that is why I am trying to step outside, to do the rearch, while parenting, so that I can come up with ideas that I can try that will work for her, as well as for our family. As for the new teacher, yes she does have to work WITH me, if Chloe is acting out in class, or she is not getting her work done, first, how am I to know this unless there is open communication between home and school? Second of all, working with me, to find out what works and doesn't work with my child, can eleviate alot of stress for not only her, but the class as well, as it means fewer interruptions. Case point and example here, Chloe likes to sit in her desk sideways, when she is sitting in her desk sideways where she can cross her legs, she mostly does her work, and does not bother other kids. The new teacher Doesn't think this way of sitting in the desk is "proper" so she tells Chloe to face the front of the classroom, which she does, but then doesn't work and is visiting with the kids around her. I said to the teacher, that I believe as long as she is getting her work done, and not distracting the class, sitting sideways in her desk is not that big of an issue. Perhaps, being that Chloe is a choice child, she could tell her, that "ok, you can sit in your desk sideways, as long as you are doing your work, but if you are not doing your work, or talking and bothering other kids around you, you will have to turn around and face the front." According to her, this has greatly improved Chloe's performance in class. I also have to work with the teacher in upholding my end of the scale at home, which I have, now that she communicates to me that Chloe has not done her work at school, I then make chloe sit at the kitchen table under my watchful eye while I make supper, and she DOES do her homework. I am not a fool, because I am researching and comming up with new plans of ways to deal with my daughter, does not for a minute mean that I am still not parenting her with strict rules, structure and what not. The reasoning behind wanting to look deeper with my girl, is because I was lacking in any kinds of the parenting skills you mention above, then I would not have fully productive, obediant other children. Who do NOT have the same kinds of issues, as I parent them all under the same set of rules, morals etc.

Good way to put it proudmomma! Don't you let anyone bring you down and make you think that you are not a good parent. I totally understand where you are coming from and what you are saying. I can honestly say I use to think like some of these posters here. I use to think, when your kids act up or act the way my bipolar child does that it just meant that they needed a good dose of old fashioned punishment. Well that isn't always the case. No one understands what it is like and how much work it is or how difficult it is when you have a child with bipolar or any mental illness until you go through it yourself. Keep your head up!

My oldest niece defies her parents out of anger also. My sister gave birth to triplets when she was five years old and this has caused her so much anger. At seventeen, she got pregnant on purpose because she was angry at her parents. Come to think of it, it is also the reason that she gave for losing her virginity at 13. Some kids are so emotionally fragile that things that others consider no big deal, can just about totally pull them under. The best thing to do is not assume that we know why they are acting out, but ask them as you both have done.

Brilliant Kaeli! I never thought about making her write a letter to me about how wonderful her brother is and all the nice things about him, I am definately going to try that with her. I don't know why I never thought of that, as I make her write restitution type letter very often to people she has hurt in one way or another! Sometimes even when you are wise, being in the fog of it all, it is hard to see something that would solve something so huge! Bless You!

Thank-you Carol. She has very little freedom, and the freedom she did get has been revoked. (her freedom was being able to walk to the corner store, and go to visit at friends houses)I have tried making them face one another, while physically standing there, and before you know it fists are flying between the two, I have physically seperated the two, puting each in thier rooms. I have made them do chores all day too. Some times she can be sweet and helps her brother learn. She taught him to print his alphabet and to handwrite. It is just when she is playing so well with him, all of a sudden something with change and she gets very angry with him. I actually have had police, come to the house and talk to her. And in the last place we lived we were friends with the policeman, and had him come and "fake" arrest her. While it maybe scared the crap outta her at the time, obviously the affects of this have worn off....

Carol, I just have to say, that my son has been dealing with bipolar since he was 8 or 9 years old and is now 13 years old. He was just diagnosed a month before he turned 11. I have had so many problems with him AND trust me I have done these things that you say she should do with her child, they didn't help. When you tell your child to set on the couch and he says no, what do you do? Okay, so I have been calm and kept telling him to sit and he will stand there and stare at me and keep telling me "no I don't want to" or "no I don't have to". We have went on with this situation and others for hours on end, I am not even kidding here, I have told him repeatedly, over and over again what I want him to do and he would just refuse. I have always believed in spanking for punishment, therefore I have went that route with him, but he would just cry, scream and kick and then clam up and refuse even more to do anything that I tell him to do. I have removed everything from his room, and I mean everything including everything but his mattress and it still didnt' make a difference, when a child has a mental issue such as bipolar and that child has his/her mind made up, there isn't much you are going to do to change it when the child is going through one of their episodes, which could last an hour, or could last a week or even longer.

Thank-you Nelly, I feel YOU definately understand because tis is the case with us and our daughter, that is why I am taking the steps to getting her in to see a therapist.

Yes this is my hope as well. I am thoroughly researching as I know it essential to find "good" productive help for her.

thank-you so much for your idea's, I hadn't even thought about the idea of food, or certain dyes in her diet, now that you mention it, I remember my mom said I used to go snakey with anything that contained red dye or yellow dye, I will have to keep tabs on that.!

Good luck I hope you can get some help for her. I hope she does not grow up to be an angry young women.

Thank you for your comment Cocoa.

Thank-you :)

You're so very welcome. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.

I agree and thank you for your comment!

Thank-you so much for that, it is very much the re-assurance I needed to not feel defeated and to keep fighting! Bless You.

You're very welcome and I wish you the best of luck. DCMerkle

thank-you for your advise. Not she has not been tested as of yet, that is why I am leaning toward private councelling and maybe exploring whether she has ODD.

Again Brown, I have seriously repeated myself several times here, I am thinking co-morbidly with strict dicipline, and love. I HAVE taken her out to do girlie things, every week usually. We do talk ALL the time, We have a relationship , and as I have stated again and again half the time she does not know what the problem is or why she is acting the way she does. I Love my little girl, problems and all. I DO NOT call her these names ever, but my title to this discussion, is what I FEAR her becomming if I cannot get help for her. ALL of the answers to your statements can be found in the previous 3 pages here, as I have replied to EVERYONE. I write my frustrations, in a safe forum to obtain advise from people that I have come to respect opinions from, that way I am never speaking them so she can hear, or over-hear and they are locked up under password, on here so she can never read. But I can still vent my frustration, ask for the help and opinions of others who maybe have encountered issues like this before to help me cope or deal with things. I guess My Lot is like my free therapist. Would it have changed anything for you if I had put I Feel like my daughter is.......?

Then maybe she needs to get refered to see a professional as you stated. Sometimes it can be hormones that can cause a change in behaviour. I can't really advise you on this topic, I hope you find a cure for her anger, maybe anger management classess to calm her down. Best to get her sorted out before she gets older. Hope all goes well. Thanks B

Thank-you so much, this was very refreshing to read! I appreciate your advice.

Thank-you :)

Thank-you :)

Thank-you for your comments. She is a VERY talkative kid, usually appears to be outgoing and a "good girl" then something happens and she just snaps. When I do take away things that she enjoy's such as the television she just shruggs with a half grin and says "so" she will self occupy and is never affected by the things she has taken away. I even once took all things from her bedroom except for her bed, for a month, a week of which she spent in her room after schools etc. she just didn't care. she would do her homework and doodle and write stories and read a book...

Ah I see, obviously she takes pleasure in testing your patience and your ability to inflict pain on her, she is playing a very dangerous game,testing you like that. Please ensure that she gets help quickly, you sound like you have a very smart girl on your hands who takes pleasure in frustrating you.

Thank you for your comments. She does very much annoy the crap outta everyone, she has to be the center of attention, she has to be talking and paid attention to, and if she isn't the center of attention she will go into the "everyone hates me" "I should just kill myself" type of thing, and if that does not work to get her attention she begins to freak out on someone over something small that is most times inconsequential, like if someone walks by her and accidentally knocks her pencil off her desk, she well freak out on them. There is a lot of attention seeking behaviour.

It must be girl first born because my oldest is a boy and he doesn't demand attention as a matter of fact he does not like it at all.

Thank-you :)

Thank-you! I appreciate it :)