captain save a lot
@latriciajones (846)
United States
June 20, 2008 10:52am CST
hi everyone, here's my problem.....................
i have a 4 year old son and he was my mothers first grandchild,so of course you know he gets spoiled by her. but it has gotten to point where everytime he gets in trouble with me or his dad she comes and saves him. So now even when she isnt around he automatically says he is gonna call his granny if he is about to get into trouble. The other day she called and i had put him in a time out(that's not abuse right?)cause i had been yelling at him all day long and it gets a little tiresome when you have to take care of a 4 year old who doesnt listen and a 2 month old who needs more attention than anything. So sometimes i just wait until his dad gets home from work and let him deal with the 4 year old. So anyways when my mom calls she asked where Dillon was and i say he is in timeout and she was like, so he cant talk to his granny when he in timeout? and i said no cause thats his problem now h knows you always come in and save him. Then she started saying the only reason i am putting him in timeout is because his dad is there. She always think that everything i do always onlyhas something to do with my sons' dad,but that's a whole new discussion. So she goes on more saying that that is abuse to put a 4 year old in timeout. And thats when i started to flame up so i immediately ended the conversation before i would have said something that would later regret. So my question is, Is it wrong to put a 4 year old in timeout. And the thing is i keep telling my mom the way he behaves he is lucky that's all he gets. He will b starting school soon and i dont want to have to leave my job everyday becuase of something he did that I could have preventes a long time ago.Do you guys have mother like that???????
3 responses
@jdoss23430 (379)
• United States
20 Jun 08
Have you ever asked your mother how she disiplined you when you were young? That was the question that got my ex mother in law off my back. She still didnt like it when I swatted thier little butts, sat em in a corner and let them cry until the cows came home if needed, but she didnt say anything more about it to me :-) She did, however, on numerous occasions, comment on how well behaved they were though.
Come to think of it, when I was a child I dont think that there was such a thing as timeout without a swat on the seat of the pants first. That was how I raised my 2 boys and that is how my youngest son is raising his 2 year old, a light swat on the fanny and a chair in the corner. Hope this helps and good luck ! :-)
@latriciajones (846)
• United States
20 Jun 08
i actually tried that and the thing is when me and my brothers were growing up i know we got spanked becuase i remember them. But she keeps saying oh, no i never did that. Thats why til this day we know not to even try her becuase she didnt play. But i dont know why she just lets my son get away with everything.
@jdoss23430 (379)
• United States
20 Jun 08
My only answer to that would be that she is the grandmother and doesnt have to deal with him on a 24/7 basis, if she did Im sure it would be a different story. As grandmothers we tend to spoil the grandchildren BECAUSE we dont have to deal with them day to day. We love on them and send them home. I guess, if I were in your shoes, Id be keeping my lips sealed whenever my little one got into trouble, but I wouldnt let up on the time outs. If he deserves them then I think a time out is much better than a crazed mom with a troublesome child ! good luck !
@latriciajones (846)
• United States
27 Jun 08
sorry i rsponded so late, but i do understand what you mean, she doesnt have to deal with him on a 24/7 basis. i just need to figure it out before he starts .school. but thanks for the input
@meganparsons_4 (97)
• United States
27 Jun 08
Well it sounds like you have the same problem as I do. My problem is with my husband's step mother, this women feels that she is incharge at all times. When she calls and asks to take my son and we already have plans she flips. She already tells me that we had better give him to her in our will just in case something should happen to us because she will fight for him and win anyway. She does not make him pick up toys when he is there and if I tell him to she tells him it is her house and she is the boss at grandmas house. He is three will be four next month and she still insists on feeding him. Even if he wants to do it he can't. I sent him to preschool last year and she shunned me for that and now that he will be going to kindergarden next fall she is already trying to fight me cause she says five is to young. He was potty trained by seventeen months and she told me that I was making him grow up. If I let him go to another grandparents for the night then she gets mad because i didn't ask her if it was ok.
The worst part of this situation is that I just had another son five months ago and she tell my oldest that he is her favorite and always will be. She refuses to keep my youngest child. Now she is not talking to me because I explained to her that both my children are equals and if she can not treat them that way she will not see either...she has now turned my husband's father against him and all of that side of the family.
@latriciajones (846)
• United States
27 May 11
thats exactly how mother was she would let them get away with everything and then if i were at her house she would say its her house and she can do what she wanted. the only thing is she loves both of them the same and if she takes one she takes the other as well. and you are doing right because both of your children are the same and if she cant take both of them then she wont take any of them. she shouldnt be trying to fight you becuase you want your child to go to school. does she realize that if he doesnt go to school that he will be behind? makes you wonder if she has any children did she keep them from going to school? she could get into trouble for that.oh and sorry for the late response i just got back on here after being off for a long time. Thanks for the advice too. Its nice to know I am not the only one that has this problem. At first I thought my mom was the only one like that.
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
25 Jun 08
Children need discipline. I think it's wrong for a grandparent to let a child get away with every thing. And its wrong for them try to stop you from discipling them. If you were abusing him, it would be different. I have to say, though, that only my Mother would discipline my children like they were hers, just like we expected anyone to do that kept them. My husband's mother wouldn't, and then she would complain to us about what our son did.
My children got a spanking just like I did. It never hurt me nor has it hurt my children. I don't think a spanking does any harm to a child if it's done in the right way and not because you are mad. But when you let a child have his way all the time, it will show later on in life. And the way she lets your child get away with things could be one of the reasons you have a problem with your child. Maybe you need to not let her come between you and your discipline and see if it makes a difference in how he acts for you.
@latriciajones (846)
• United States
27 May 11
sorry for the late response.i eventually talked to her and got her to understand that these are my children and she has to stop trying to save them as these are my kids and its only making it harder for me as a mother to discipline them. she still tried to this day but when i give her a look she stops. thanks for the advice.
