Wasting my breath
By gemini_rose
@gemini_rose (16264)
June 20, 2008 5:32pm CST
It occurs to me every once in a while that the girl that I meet up with at school everyday when we drop our kids off, actually is not really interested in me as a person at all. When we first met I was surprised at how much we had in common and thought that we could get on very well, but she has her own circle of friends that do everything together in their free time and I am so obviously not included. I am just someone she sees at school, someone to talk to because all her friends are at work in the day and because I have no friends at all I lap up every crumb she throws at me.
Like I say, most times I choose to ignore this but today has been one of those days when I see it clearly. I was trying to talk to her about something that was on my mind and that had happened recently and she just kept looking around her and going "hmm" and I just thought "why am I wasting my breath, she is not interested". Oh well, not to worry, just one of those things I guess.
Do you ever have times when you talk to someone about things that matter to you, and they do not show interest or seem to want to listen to you?
5 people like this
17 responses
@ruby222 (4847)
•
22 Jun 08
Its a huge failing that some of us have...im always terribly concerned how everyone else is...to the extent of leaving Ruby out of the equation...but I assure you if she was up to much ..for want of a better expression...and she knew that you needed a listening ear then she would offer one..so maybe you are better off without her ear ..and I dont mean that unkindly...the playground mothers seem to have their little cliques ..it always happens..and it certainly doent mean that you are any lesser a being for not being welcomed into one of those cliques,in fact you are probably a kinder person than those who do belong...as you wouldnt see anyone who needed to talk going without that listening ear....
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
22 Jun 08
I am the same ruby, I always put everyone else before me. You are very right about the cliques, our school is really bad for them.
2 people like this
@tessah (6617)
• United States
22 Jun 08
quite honestly.. i dont talk about anything meaningful or important to anyone other than those i have meaningful and important relationships with, so thankfully no.. i dont have the problem. next time you need someone to listen that actually gives a damn.. come find me ..;nods;..
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
22 Jun 08
Thank you, that is really nice of you, and it means a lot to me. Just a shame the time difference is so different!xx
@anawar (2404)
• United States
21 Jun 08
gemini_rose_ Of all people to betray me, my mom ignored me in favour of my ex. She would ask for advice or pose a question, but when I answered she ignored me.
A few minutes later, my ex repeated my exact words and my mom exclaimed
"David (not his real name), that's an excellent idea." as if she never heard me.
Ouch. It went on for years, but I never stopped trying. I felt like a ghost in their presence, as if I didn't exist.
@DonnaLawson (4032)
• United States
22 Jun 08
I have been in that situation many times, it is not you, it is them.. If someone is so self important that they can't listen for a minute or two when someone is speaking, they should be ignored.. I normally just tell them, I have got to go and then just walk off, I do know that is rude also and I try never to be rude to anyone but if they are rude to me, then the shoe goes on the other foot.. I would ignore her for awhile.. Many people on here enjoy your posts, so you can't be all bad, huh??
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
21 Jun 08
That is sad that she treats you this way.
I am a pretty intuitive person, and can read people pretty well. I'm also very sensative personally, so if I feel someone is not interested in speaking with me, or listening to me, I will probably avoid them, or just friendly say hi and leave it at that. I don't often find myself talking with people who don't appear to be listening, other than my husband, but I have no qualms calling him on it, lol.
I think husbands are the worst for that!
@Abby123 (261)
•
22 Jun 08
Take no notice its not worth it,all playgrounds are like that.Some mums get together and form like a little club and them dont let anyone else in on it.T my mind its rude and off handed,just let them get on with it,one day they may need someone to chat to and im sure that you will turn the other cheek and probably listen to them,they wouldnt deserve it though.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
22 Jun 08
Yes I guess it seems that the playgrounds are playgrounds for the adults as well as kids!
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
21 Jun 08
Sorry to hear that this person is such a dud. I have had people treat me like that a time or two and once I got the drift, I gave up on the relationship. I am saddened that to hear you say that you have no friends. Don't let this woman get ya down. Big huggers to you.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
22 Jun 08
Thank you, I have no friends because the ones that I have had are not honest and true. If I am friends with someone I am friends with them, they do not seem to place the same values on it as me.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
26 Jun 08
Oh often. I will be talking to someone close to me and they will start talking as though I'm standing there not saying a word. They are completely tuned out to what I'm saying. It's as if I'm not important in any way. This actually happens to me with strangers or accquaintances as well.
I just want to be as rude as they are and turn my back on them and walk away while they are mid sentence.
I've even found that when I try to talk about my troubles or heart ache to peple I feel are close, I get that "I'm shutting down now" look because they just don't want to hear it. My best friend does this. I just get a blank look...no comfort, no feedback....nothing but a blank look.
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
21 Jun 08
This happens to me all of the time no matter where I go or who I talk to. People act like I do not even exist. I try to never speak with anything that is not of importance. It could be important to them as well. They just blow it off like it is nothing. I have worked for years trying to get my husband to at least show some interest and he finally does now. He sees my worth in my conversation.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
21 Jun 08
I am sorry that this happens to you too. You have plenty of worth in both your discussions and your responses.
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
21 Jun 08
Personally, I have not tried that gemini...I have friends but I've known them for a long time so no chance that they will do that or vise versa...In places also like trips and seminar where I am alone and while waiting time, I need to look for someone to talk, I am very picky, I will only choose the person whom I will see that I can go with and relate with..If ever I will encounter a person like that I will no longer find a way to spend time with her,,I rather do something else alone!
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
1 Jul 08
I've had so-called "friends" like that before.
It's always so sad that they don't exercise
better manners. She could at least try to be
polite and look you in the face while you
are talking.
It's not as if the two of you were
going to be standing there all day.
I don't know what her problem could have been.
Maybe she is just distancing herself.
Anyway, you have better friends than her, I'm sure!
@irishidid (8687)
• United States
21 Jun 08
I learned a long time ago not everyone will like you. No matter how nice you are or how much you may like them.
@jer31558 (3683)
• United States
21 Jun 08
I think that everyone has this happen at times. I know that I have. Perhaps you are giving yourself less credit than you are due. To say that you have no friends is quite the strong statement. Perhaps you could choose activities which has more people there, it may greatly increase your number of friends that you have.
@venturecap (6)
• United States
21 Jun 08
i have been there. sometimes it reveals if the friendship is mutual. but other times i find that i may need to become more inquistive about the persons feelings. sometimes when they can release or find relief, that caring friend your looking for becomes less distracted and available to you.
@barehugs (8973)
• Canada
21 Jun 08
There are a few things you could try! You have tried talking to her about what was on your mind, but, have you tried talking to her about something that's on her mind? Maybe she has enough on her mind there is no room for what's on your mind. Also try to remain Positive when talking to her. Some people don't like to hear sad or worry-some chatter. Do you show an interest in her life? Ask her about her children? Or pick a neutral topic that she might be interested in?
@celticeagle (166660)
• Boise, Idaho
21 Jun 08
yes, there are always those times. She is obviously not a very good friend. You need to join some clubs, or do something that will help you make friends. i don't think she is worth your time and she seems to be hurting you more than of any help to you.
