being a parent is hard

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Parenting is really hard.I got married at an early age of 21y/o.I thought when you get married and having a family is ALL FUN.True its fun but if your relationship with your husband does not work you'll end up separated and your kids will suffer when the relationship fails.My kids lives with their dad.The only time I can see them is when I have a free time.But one kid at a time bec. of the budget and I want to have a quality with each of my kiddos.I thought my kids how to say sorry and not to forget to say " i love you".I treat them as my friend but I still put boundaries between me as their friend and me as their mom.My eldest is already 12 years old and is a lot like me.We have the same likes,we like the same color,we love the shape of the heart,basically she's like me when I was young.Now she already has a crush and I am scared because I don't my girl to fall in love at her young age.She can't lie to me because as the old folks saying goes "been there,done that".As a mother you have this "mothers instinct" and "mothers knows best" notion.My second boy is very rough and tough and strong but deep inside the facade of the strong characteristics is a sweet boy.Though we don't live together everytime arrives home from school he'll call me and just say hi.He promised me that when i grow old he'll take care of me and he will not get into a relationship and doesn't want to have a girlfriend.He is a lot like his dad when it comes to being rough,who loves extreme games and all.Bully among the siblings.My youngest looks a lot like me.we are look alikes.He is a picky eater like me,sensitive to smell and will puke/vomit he doens't want the smell.He cries alot bec.his brother is bully but according to his dad my youngest will be expelled soon if he will not stop from being bully at his all boys school.Being annulled with my ex-hubby is hard as well as with the kids.They are affected by our separation and for them living with stepmom is not the same as having me around.I miss them a lot.If I only have a lot of money,I'll get all of them and provide them good education but the dad earns a lot than me.I work in a call center and they salary is not that high..just break even for my expenses her at home.Hmm...I just miss my kids.I missed the moment when my youngest son learns who to write and learned to read.I miss a lot as they grew but I am hoping one day they'll also look up at me and be proud of their mom for being their when they need me.When I talk to them and ask them if they want me and their dad be together again they answer "NO" bec. they don't see me cry anymore and they don't hear their dad shouts at me all they time...for no reason at all..i guess men are really like that if they are already fooling around..I am just glad that though my kids are affected by our separation they are happy to see that I am much happier now without their dad.I guess this is reality..