I got caught
By kat_princess
@kat_princess (1470)
Philippines
June 24, 2008 4:10am CST
My boyfriend was delivering my lunch.I took a bath as he entered our house.He turned naughty and we started doing it.I've been feeling that someone's in here.I came to check if there was someone in the house.True enough,there was.I came back into our room to warn my boyfriend.But my mom just barged in like she always does and we were caught.She gave us never ending sermons and she still said so many hurting words to me even after my boyfriend left.I know it is partly our fault because we should have controlled ourselves but I've hated my mom ever since because she never respected me and my privacy by not knocking at the door before she enters our room and by reading my diary without my permission.Hasn't she learned anything back in kindergarten?She even called herself as a "model parent".Eew!Me and my sisters are starting to hate her.
Friends,if you could comment on this discussion,all the better.I need all the comforting I need in this world.
15 people like this
40 responses
@lvaldean (1612)
• United States
24 Jun 08
So I guess I will have to be the one to ask the obvious. Whose house is it? Is it your personal home? Or alternatively do you still live with your mother? It makes a difference.
If you live on your own in your own apartment or house than she has no business barging in. You should lock your doors and she should knock. She should not have a key. What you do in your personal home is indeed your business because you have proven that you are an adult, capable of conducting your own life, paying your own bills, providing for the roof over your head. In this case, while she may have an opinion and as your parent she will, ultimately your life choices will be your own. You should simply say to her that if she wishes to visit she should call ahead and knock before entering. You should make sure you keep your doors locked.
On the other hand if you live with your mother still you were under her roof and despite being 20 you must continue to live by her rules. I suspect her rules do not include getting frisky with your boyfriend. The truth is that it is her home and you owe her respect in her home. You don't have a "right" to privacy in her home if you haven't earned her trust. Unless you are paying rent at the market rate where you can be considered a boarder rather than her daughter you are subject to her rules until you move out of her domain.
Hating you mother is an inappropriate reaction. I understand that you feel as if she is treating you like a child. However, in truth she is doing what most parents would do under the circumstance.
7 people like this
@didnotask4it (118)
• Philippines
24 Jun 08
Amen to that! Very well said...I hope other young people out there can read what you've said here so they too can pick up valuable lessons from you. i know coz I'm a parent too.
@Ravenladyj (22902)
• United States
24 Jun 08
OH HOT DAMN!!! I AGREE!! and thats exactly how it will be when my kids become sexually active..
@venksmoney (52)
•
25 Jun 08
"My house.... my rules"
My father said that. I barked at him sayin shut up. Then its my pleasure, who gives you the right come in between.
The goal of a parent is to sow the seeds of responsibility in the child. Coz they have to take care of themselves even after they leave your house.I disobey just to revolt against his intrusion. I led him get fed up. You know, most of the times he comes to me and says - "may be you are right, but you know" blah blah blah. Nonsense. I know my responsibilities. What if I had fun? Period.
Anyways, it would have also been embarassing for her to get caught. You hurt her. You didn't give your son a license plate till he got good grades, fine. I did not take even $0.5 from my dad for canteen when my grades were poor. What???
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@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
24 Jun 08
Hi there kat_princess, maybe your mom is just concern about you and your future, I can't blame her for getting mad and gave you sermon but I also understand your feeling if her words are too much and too painful and it is not also good for her to be reading your diary since that is the very private property of any person...Anyway, I hope you will be able to tell her your feelings about it, be open at least she will also be reminded her limitations as a Mother and at the same time, I guess you also need to say sorry for what you have done...By that, I am sure everything will be fixed!
2 people like this
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@kat_princess (1470)
• Philippines
24 Jun 08
Thanks miamilady and checapricorn.You really are understanding what I've been going through.As of now,I'm still depressed because that thing has already been done,and she's still ranting about it.She branded me as a flirt ever since.She repeated those words again and again but as of now,for those words not to wound me,I'll just pretend as if they were never said.Thank.Thanks.Thanks.You made me feel better.
@lvaldean (1612)
• United States
24 Jun 08
Sorry got to disagree with you. Mothers and Fathers have no limitations when it comes to what is under their roofs. Short of beating their children, locking them in the basement, or other forms of truly abusive behavior.
A child, even an adult child, has no rights to privacy when living under the roof of another person. This includes diaries. If a parent believes that a child, yes even an adult child, is acting in a manner that is detrimental to their health and well being than a parent should act to intervene. This is why they are parents. Further so long as a child takes advantage of the parent for a roof over their head, food in their stomach, and the other obvious advantages that parents provide they will have to live with the fact that parents will also set rules that must be lived with.
My house.....My rules. Don't like my rules? Move out of my house. Want to live like an adult and make your own rules? Move out of my house. Want no limitations on your actions or behavior? Move out of my house. Want privacy? Move out of my house. It is very simple, want to be treated as an adult in every way than you must do more than reach the age of an adult you must also behave in an adult fashion and began to pay your own way in life.
1 person likes this
@lvaldean (1612)
• United States
25 Jun 08
Mia I did exclude abusive behavior, which would include degradation. However, I don't think speaking ones mind even yelling is degradation and I suspect that the mother in this case did not degrade our young friend here.
I agree that abusive behavior is wrong.
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@knight_rlc26 (362)
• Philippines
24 Jun 08
for me, it is not the fault of your mom. Maybe, she used to go to your room without knocking and she didn't expect that thing... she was mad because your wrong... with that she just stand as a parent for you... that makes you feel that she is concern and she takes good care. That it is your fault. Although, you have some point also. But, you should also consider the side of your mom as your parent.
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
24 Jun 08
Since your age on your profile says you're 20, I'm guessing it is your mother's house. If that is the case, then maybe you should go somewhere else with your boyfriend, and not at your mom's house. I can tell you this, I wouldn't have barged in, however, I would have let my expectations regarding my daughter and my house be known. I never read my daughter's diary, that was her private thoughts, and I never barged into her room, and she learned to show me respect by knocking on my door before entering. Advice, if you want privacy, start thinking about getting your own place.
2 people like this
@kat_princess (1470)
• Philippines
29 Jun 08
Thanks for the advice.I'm really planning to get our own place after I graduate.Just help me pray that all of my plans and dreams would come true.
@johndur (3052)
• Pasig, Philippines
26 Mar 12
parents wanted their children good things they know whats best for you.you havent noticed it yet but when you grow up and become a parent then you will know that your mother is right.there are proper places to do those things and doing in you home is a bad idea since youre not yet married to your boyfriend.im sure you will understand everything when you yourself become a parent too...try putting yourself in your mothers shoes,what would you feel?![](/Content/images/emotes/sad.gif)
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1 person likes this
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@k101707 (102)
• United States
24 Jun 08
O No... O well is all I can say... your mom needs to learn to respect your privacy. For you and your boyfriend look back at this funny time and laugh. Just remember it's not like your mom never did it. But on a serious note she does need to knock. A good idea would be to lock your doors or tell her to call before coming. Since you are an adult you have your own life and she needs to realize that. I know it has to be embarassing for you and your boyfriend but like I said look at it as a funny memory.
Hope this helps.
2 people like this
@samimkardar (828)
• United States
24 Jun 08
She is your mother, don't forget she done enough for ur better life and better future, she takecare of u when u were little child and not able to move even. She has given u education through which u are able to talk in better way and can face the world with confidence. She has right to monitor ur activities, either u r doing rite or wrong.
U started to hate ur mother although u were wrong, but ur mother still loves u because she is a "Mother" she never hate her children, never ever.
@allen0187 (58582)
• Philippines
25 Jun 08
nice inputs ivan.
totally agree with your inputs. clearly, if she is still living with her mother, the mother has every right to be angry and disappointed. totally, different case if she was living on her own and the mother just barged in unannounced. of course, no sense hatign the one true woman who will love us unconditionally. mothers may annoy, bug, nag, and what not, but in the end of the day mother's really know what is best for us.
@Debs_place (10520)
• United States
24 Jun 08
Well, let me ask, you are engaged in adult relationship. Are you acting like an adult? Are you self-supporting? Or are you acting like a child, depending on Mom, living off your Mom.
Her house, her rules. If it is your place, then change the locks and don't give Mom a key. She should respect your privacy and knock before entering even if she has a key.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
24 Jun 08
kat princess please do not hate your mother, you would not
be here had it not been for your mom. I know how frustrating
it was to have your mom walk in on you and your boyfriend. she had no right to invade your privacy and should have knocked not just barged in. As I do not know if you are in your teens or older I have no right to say anything about your doing it at all.You are so right, she has no business reading your diary
at all.But being angry at her is one thing, hate is another.'
Hate is pretty strong here.I mean she is your mother.
1 person likes this
@kat_princess (1470)
• Philippines
24 Jun 08
She may be my mother but I don't believe that blood is thicker than water because for me blood has its own poison.If she has just showered me all the love and understanding,none of this would have happened.It is only my boyfriend and my friends who understand me but they can only do so much for me.Yes,I thank her and my dad for what they have provided me but they don't give the love and understanding that me and my sisters need.Even my older sister has second thoughts of going home because of the way my parents treat us.The best that I can do as of now is do my best in my studies and find a good job so that I can move out of here and have a happy family with my boyfriend and not a dysfunctional family like ours where there are so many misunderstanding,hatred,envy,and destroying.But thanks for making me feel better.
@Jezebella (1446)
• United States
17 Apr 09
Like one of the other posts said it depends if you are living in her house or not. If you are under her roof then yes she has the right to come into your room. My mom respects my privacy, what is in my room is in my room, but she does have her rules about what goes on in my room. She allows my boyfriends in my room, b ut she has the right to come in whenever she wants and I agreed to that to give her the respect she deserves.
1 person likes this
@beybes08 (125)
• Philippines
24 Jun 08
I hope you don't hate me for this answer I give.
Personally, I've been "hating" my mother since the day she started going through my things too, and started assuming stupid things as well. I know it's natural for her, I think she was born paranoid, or something.
We've got so many things going on between my mom and I, and I've done plenty to go against her since that happened, but no matter what, I always have this small feeling of regret because I've hurt her. I'm not sure if she's ever realized that she's always hurt me too, but it doesn't take away the pain.
Okay, back to your situation. I've never experienced that. So I may be just pre-judging. Forgive me for that.
First, as an adult, it's a bit disrespectful of the boyfriend to have been there in the first place, maybe not to you but to your mother. You live with someone else so it is major courtesy not to behave like its your own place when its not.
Second, she may not be a model parent, but you aren't the model child either. You've got a reason for "hating" her, and she's also got a reason for giving you sermons.
Thirdly, if your mother read your diary and keeps barging in into your room, then it must mean she doesn't trust you enough. Then that trust is now between you both.
Fourth, to be matured and old enough to be trustworthy, is to accept your fault when you know you have one.
Fifth, hate is a strong word. I don't hate my mother, I realize, I love her still very much despite everything she's done, but I may dislike her.
Sixth and my last point, if you and your sisters hated her now, then why not talk to her? SHE IS a mother, its natural for someone like her to freak out when she sees her daughter doing things with a guy. So if she has been going overboard, and you really think you're old enough and mature enough to handle yourself, then talk to her like an adult and tell her everything you feel.
That's it. I'm sorry, it may not be comforting. I just think this is what is right.
1 person likes this
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@kat_princess (1470)
• Philippines
29 Jun 08
I tried talking to her but she just doesn't listen.She always thinks that she's always right.My sisters have too but still the same issue.Well,I guess we have to endure our remaining years here at this house.I hope we can move out of here very soon.
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@nupats (3564)
• India
25 Jun 08
hi dear i was a daughter too and i also stayed with them all through till i got married...i also had boyfriends but i wud never imagine getting them to my parents home and indulge in any such thing...u r in her house and she has all the right to chk u till u r under her care...if i had caught my daughter i wud have told her to get out of my house she has no business spoiling the sanity of my home tht i cherish with so much love and trust and care...u are too insensitive not to understand wt ur mom is trying to do for u she cares so she tells ...if u hate her then u can actually leave her house and why dont u move into ur boyfriends house...i m sure he will b glad to keep u for all the love tht u have for one another?
1 person likes this
@vipulchawla (2220)
• India
25 Jun 08
Hi.. Well, I was stunned back by ur reply. Perhaps you said so, because you have been brought up in a culture like that. It is perhaps wrong on her side to get indulged in an act like this but what i get it from ur response is that you don't agree upon doing it in the home but if you talk about the parents being concerned then its equllay wrong to do it anywhere else too.
Anyway, its completely your own point of view.
I know u could have found it disgusting if you could have found your daughter in that situation but what if you could have been in the same situation...
@fluffnflowers (1594)
• United States
25 Jun 08
I'm the same age as you are, and I'd say that she had a right to berate you for your behavior. The diary thing is a bit extreme, but it is her house.
I moved out when I was 18 so I didn't have to play by anyone else's rules. Personally, it was the best choice I could have ever made and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. The relationship I have with my mother is much better and much more open now.
Move out if you don't like the rules. Hating her isn't going to do any good, and you're old enough to be on your own.
@mandeliang (58)
• China
25 Mar 09
You must feel very upset being caught.As a young man,I have often been scolded for something,and my parents have always been nagging me saying I cant do this ,I cant do that.It is really annoying.Isuggest you next time just take care not be overheard or caught by your mother.When you become independent,you wont have this kind of trouble anymore.
1 person likes this
@sincere4frdship (2228)
• India
24 Jun 08
I don't know what to say .
She should not bother in your privacy . If you are adult then parents should take control over there activity and do habbit of watching .
Thanks !!!
@Rozie37 (15499)
• Turkmenistan
25 Jun 08
Although your mother was wrong for not respecting your privacy, hate is a very strong word to use for someone who brought in this world and raised you to be the woman that you are. Think about it, when she was carrying you, your life was in her hands.
Maybe you need to sit down and have a talk with her about boundaries. But you can forgive her for this if you so choose to. She is your mother and probably the best friend you will ever have on earth. I loss my mother at ten years old. Don't ever take her for granted.
@idowrite72 (2213)
• United States
25 Jul 08
There are a lot of different things to write about here. First of all, it will do no good to hate your mom. You were both wrong and you said that here yourself. Moms will be moms. If you are living in her house and doing such things with the possibility that she could come into the room, then you shouldn't be surprised that she was there and came into your room knowing that she might come in. It sounds as though you knew she might. You are right that she should knock, but it is HER house and that could be arguable. I do agree that she shouldn't read your diary. I will admit to reading personal things of my daughters, but they never knew that I did and I would never have punished them or said anything to them about what I read. I would never have admitted to them that I did it in the first place. I don't think I have told them to this day, although they have admitted to me some of the bad things that they did that I didn't know about. Parents tend to say many hurtful things when they feel betrayed and maybe you should try to talk to her about it at some other time and tell her that you feel that she should knock but at the same time, if you are only 15, 16 it shouldn't be happening to begin with. I would agree with mom. Sorry I am the mother of 4, 3 girls, and I know the things that I went through when they were younger, including a granddaughter from a daughter at the age of 17.
@soulist (2985)
• United States
17 Apr 09
I totally agree with you ido. It is HER house and you need to be respectable in her home. She has rules that you need to adibe by and sure she has no right to read your diary at whim, but at the same time if your mother suspects something wrong happening then she has the right to do what she needs to to find out what is going on in order to help you if it would harm you. But the fact that you got frisky in her home is not right. Control yourself next time or better yet, don't allow him in when you are taking a bath!
@elitess (5070)
• Ipswich, England
25 Jun 08
Yes, i agree with you, that is OVER intruding. If she wants to call herself a model parent, she should give you some privacy. Reading your diary is really a bad thing to do, because no parent should do that - it's your right to express yourself somehow and to have at least a bit of privacy.
@adhyz82 (36249)
• Indonesia
8 Mar 12
my friend, the definitions over intruding is quite different with everyone
like you and the person make discussion, both of you think that what her mom is very intruding
but many people believe what her mother do because she care with the person make the discussion
@kat_princess (1470)
• Philippines
9 Mar 12
Wow!This post is soooo old already.This post was reated back in 2008 & it's 2012 already.Anyway,in 2009 we broke up but I'm thankful for the break up since it came to me that he's not right for me & I found someone better than him.
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